Today was... Awkward.
And boy, it really wasn't supposed to be at all. It was supposed to be like the past two Saturdays were - giggling and shopping and culinary adventures. It was supposed to be my absolute favorite day of the week!
But instead it was... just... lackluster.
I should have know when we woke up and she asked if I was sure I didn't want to just go tomorrow instead. I should have said, "Sure! No problem!" But I didn't... 'cause, jeeze, I had been looking forward to our Saturday adventure all week long.
We went into Madrid. We went tanning like we'd planned. We went to Retiro with a beer like we'd planned. We went shopping (at Primark), like we'd planned. But something just wasn't right.
I'm sure it was all of the stress from her week, dealing with all the horrible stuff going on minutes from her friends and family back at home. Probably what she needed wasn't an exciting day out, but a day to herself to reflect and just be. But I was selfish, and I wanted my string of Fabulous Saturdays to continue!
So her distance all day, sprinkled by a rude comment or two, was really upsetting to me. Perhaps, more upsetting than it should have rationally been. :-/ I felt like maybe I'd offended her somewhere throughout the week's events without meaning to, or something... Because she'd never really been like that to me before. To others, sure. But not me.
I've found that when there is tension between the two of us, it really really get to me - in all aspects of things. It makes me feel a little weird, as I'm sure it doesn't affect her the same way at all... Actually, I usually feel this way with people I'm close to. I always feel like I take things too emotionally or hard than they do... And I hate it. >_<
I was ready to go home and just be by myself for a bit, but when I got there, my other two roomies invited me out for tapas. I was kinda pooped and low on money, but I figured it might cheer me up.
Wrong.
I always have small conversations with my roomies in passing or whatever, but I don't think I'd ever sat down with the pair of them and just listened. Their perspectives on many things were just so 180 from mine and all at once I got that feeling I get when I'm around 99% of people - that I just don't fit in and that I don't really want to if having that perspective is what it would take. I immediately missed Abby, and then realized I had gone out to tapas to avoid thinking about the strange day we'd had... And then I really felt yucky in my stomach.
And that's how I started to see why I date people who have so many flaws - because at least they don't have these foreign perspectives I so cannot relate to! >_<
Somewhere in the world, people like me must exist. Somewhere. And some of those people certainly are sweet and respectful and loving and whole and content with their lives. And boy would I like to know where those people spend their time, so that I could casually bump into them and join their underground society of awesomeness!
And so, my Saturday full of possibilities ultimately left me feeling like the odd duck out. But maybe that's not a bad thing? Maybe being that odd duck out is what will turn out to be my greatest blessing...? Here's to hoping! ;)
XOXO
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