So when I got back from Spring Break, I knew I was one assignment behind in my current online class... but I had no idea I was FOUR WEEKS worth of assignments and readings behind! HOLY COW CRAP. >_<
I had the natural Chelsea response: Avoidance. Pretend it never happened and go on about your life.
Until Friday. And on Friday, you are not allowed to leave your humble abode until you've mostly caught up, goshdarnit.
And so I've been cloistered in my room four exactly 12 hours at this point. Naturally, I spent a good few hours doing laundry and cleaning and organizing (when you have a mountain of work, that's obviously the best time to do the other stuff you've been avoiding - duh)... and another fair chunk of time eating (so glad the only things I have left in this apartment are mushrooms, broccoli with Ranch, gazpacho and strawberries... copious amounts of study breaks require copious amounts of food)... but when I finally opened up the online class, I became absolutely engrossed in all of the many interesting articles about methods and theories and case studies. O_O Wow!
Just as I was about to go to sleep, I skimmed through the article I intended to begin tomorrow. But as I skimmed, I wanted to know more... and, still kneeling in front of my computer, I accidentally ended up reading the whole thing. The case studies focused on preschools taught using a "Direct Instruction" method in which they'd basically drill information into the kids, versus free play preschools, as well as Montessori styled preschools. And the results of the longitudinal study were petrifying. The kids who had the DI method grew up to have a propensity for getting felonies, and not one of them had a stable relationship with a significant other, versus the other kids who'd grown up to be successful in life and love. Eek! How on earth could a kid's experience in PRESCHOOL have that much of an affect on them throughout life?
The study admitted that there were plenty of other factors to consider and their preschool experience couldn't be the only thing to blame (or thank), but still... man.
At the end of the article, "the superiority of preschool classrooms in which children can choose their own activities (as compared with more academic and/or whole-group instruction)" was also briefly mentioned...
All of this got me wondering about my own preschool experience. I hardly remember preschool at all... here are my memories:
1) I think it was my first day (?), and the office lady told me to go to the sandbox, and so I went to the sandbox inside, and played there by myself for what felt like years, when somebody finally came and got me and told me I was supposed to have gone to the sandbox OUTSIDE. I thought they were ridiculous for thinking a kid as young as me was just supposed to know which sandbox I was supposed to go to off the top of my head, but was thankful somebody had finally come to get me.
2) After recess we had to drink cranberry juice. I hated cranberry juice. I remember sitting there telling them I didn't want to drink it 'cause it just made my throat feel more thirsty, plus it tasted gross. I remember thinking that I must be allergic to cranberries or something, because surely cranberry juice didn't make other people feel thirsty, otherwise nobody would drink it.
3) Once, for some reason, I was there during lunch (I never was there during lunch), and they tried to make me eat all the food on my plate before they'd let me go to recess. I thought that was just the funniest thing I'd ever heard of, because their food was seriously gross and my parents never made me finish even half of my plate. I was scared they'd never let me leave that table EVER, but I held firm that I wouldn't eat another bite because it was gross and I was full. I hoped they'd let me go home when my mom came, because I really didn't think I could eat all that food without throwing up if I was forced to.
4) I really didn't want to nap and it was nap time. I was so relieved when they called my name over the loudspeakers that my mom was there to pick me up. I hated napping, and I thought it was gross they all slept on those floors. "I would never bring my blankie and Elmo here," I thought. "It's too dirty."
5) Once we did a song, "Candy Man" for a performance or something. I LOVED that song. I thought it was so whimsical and delicious sounding. After we performed it (I guess?), my parents let me run down the hill behind my preschool with my friend. I felt like SUCH a big girl to have their trust to run down there just with her. I was very proud and thrilled about it.
6) I know my friends were Kelly, Lynn and Carly (those two were twins!), and I have memories of playing with them outside of school... but I don't even remember if they WENT to my preschool?
7) I remember when Mrs. Wells showed me my final wooden block photo for my parent's present. I had been waiting and waiting to see how it turned out and I LOVED it!! :) I was way proud.
8) The most memorable thing, though, was when my other friend, Little Stephanie (who was a year younger than me), had her Christmas present for her parents wrapped in a bag by the teachers. I thought it was pretty and told her so. Then, one of the mean teachers came over and yelled at me and told me just because I was older than Little Stephanie didn't mean I had a right to make fun of her wrapping for being different than mine (since I was older, I got to make super cool wrapping paper painted with marbles). I was SO upset, because I hadn't been making fun of her at all. I thought mine was cooler, yeah, but I also really liked hers. I might have cried about it, as I've ALWAYS hated getting in trouble - especially for something that I didn't even do (which NEVER happens to me).
So, yeah. I guess I have about 7.5 memories from preschool (which I think is actually more than I have from Kindergarten, now that I think about it)... but I have no idea what "method" was used in my preschool... nor do I think the method would have turned me into a felon or given me seriously unstable relationships?? From the general feeling I have about it, I think my preschool allowed us to be pretty independent (I remember wondering if they ever got nervous they would lose one of us on such a big playground)? I don't recall there ever being workbooks or "learning time," but mostly that we just hung out and played. And drank gross cranberry juice. And that the floors were tiled and the risers had that weird burbur carpeting that was a diahreah brown color.
But, that last memory of being yelled at for something that wasn't my fault does really stick out in my mind. I remember how upset my mom was by it, too, when I told her what'd happened. I remember her telling me I did nothing wrong and that the other teacher was just being mean. I remember feeling really, really guilty. I still feel guilty thinking about it, actually - like I'm lying about something I've blocked out or like I was a really bad friend to Little Stephanie.
What if every day would have been like that - with strict teachers who were harsh and unforgiving? Maybe that would have changed something about who I later became? I still get a queasy feeling of guilt and anger inside when an authority figure gets upset with me - especially when I don't think I didn't anything wrong. Maybe that all stems from that one mean lady and my gift wrapping debacle?
There's no way to know, but even playing around with the idea that something like preschool can be so important in shaping a person is crazy. So often I come home from school and think, "Wow. I taught these kids absolutely NOTHING today. I suck at this game." But then I read these articles about instilling wonder and confidence and enthusiasm and creativity and self-expression in kids... and I think to myself, "Oh, I'm great at that. Superb." Because I can't help but be different than the status quo - even when I'm pretending to be a teacher!
So maybe these kids forget how to spell "I" (wtf?), and always switch the letters around in the word "with." Maybe they can't form a question correctly and maybe they always forget the 3rd person singular 's' in the simple present. But maybe I'm impacting them in an equally important way by keeping them on their toes, making them use their creativity and generally being a positive ray of sunshiney silliness on days that might otherwise be rather dull.
According to this preschool study, it's not about what you teach young kids, but how you make them feel. If that extends to any of the other grades, then I'd say there's hope I'm positively affecting at least a few of these little turd muffins in the long term. ;)
XOXO
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