Day 227: Calm Wisdom

Sometimes, I have absolutely no idea where where this inner calm and feeling of wisdom comes from. It's definitely not always there, but more and more, it's there when I need it. It's a feeling of appreciation, of respect, of love, of seeing others as innocent and full of potential.

It's far from an innate ability, though. It's an amazing gift that came from the worst part of my life. When my parents went through their divorce, and my friends did drugs and were suicidal, and I had to go to four different shrinks, and move schools three times, and breakups and totaled my car. I still remember locking myself in my closet and hiding, just crying in the dark for hours and feeling so alone and powerless.

But that's when my mom got me my Life Coach. And that's when things not only started to turn around, but when I started to be given divine tools at the age of 17 that most people never get a glimpse of, even as older adults.

I began to study the concept that everybody is innocent. That perspective is everything. That respecting other people's truths is how you can truly show them love. I learned how to have a confrontation in a proactive and respectful way. I learned to find parts of myself in others in order to better understand where they were coming from.

I'm far from perfect at any of this even seven years later, but I will say I've had a lot of practice, from listening to Conor when he'd call me in the middle of the night half-suicidal, or when J and I would get really upset with each other...

So this afternoon when I realized something needed to change, I felt like I knew exactly how to go about opening up a dialogue and really listening. I knew how to phrase each sentence, and how to look past some defensiveness and see the other's truth. The conversation went wonderfully and when I got home, everybody was downstairs on the patio of the restaurant under our apartment giggling and having drinks together - something that would have seemed impossible that morning.

Some people are great at sports or art or math or video games, etc. They've spent countless hours of their lives practicing! But one of the things I believe I'm really good at is approaching communication from a different angle than most, and really grasping the bigger picture and psychology of it all. I'm really great at it all the time, nor with everyone... But when I do open my toolbox and pull out those tools... I feel so proud!

I have a long ways to go with my personal study of commutation, but today showed me how far I've really come and just how many tools I have and know how to use! ^_^

XOXO