After my third day of subbing in one week, I wanted to do something to let the head mistress know how much I was loving it, how good of a job I thought I was doing and how grateful I was for the opportunity and for her respect and confidence in me. And so I did what I do best - I wrote her a cute note, complete with a shiny star sticker (haha), and put it on her desk to find on Monday morning. It was one of those ideas that popped into my head and felt important, even though I didn't necessarily know why.
When I got to school Monday, I found out another teacher was sick, and so Conchita (infant teacher who accompanies me when I sub "to keep kids in line") and I were together for a fourth day out of six! ^_^ After lunch she told me that she'd been called in for a meeting with the head mistress to discuss my performance. She said she told her that I was doing a wonderful job and that the students seemed to love me as much as I loved them! That I seemed very confident and did exactly what the sub plans told me to, and then some! ^_^
I didn't think anything of it, except that Conchita was sweet. :)
And then today the head mistress (whom I've never spoken to for more than a quick moment) came into the teachers' office and asked me if I had five minutes. Normally, having a person that high up the power ladder asking me to come to their office would have immediately filled me with a flood of anxiety, but not today. I had a split second, where I wondered if I'd done something wrong... But it only took me a blink of my eye to realize that I felt absolutely proud of ALL the work I'd done there! That's never happened to me before...
We walked to her office and she asked me to sit, and closed the door. Instead of sitting on the other side of the desk, she sat down in the chair next to me and began to talk. She told me about finding my "delightful note" and about talking to Conchita about me. She paused, to ask if I was understanding everything - it was all in Spanish and I hadn't said anything yet, because there hadn't been and space for me to do so! When I assured her that I was following just fine (man, my Spanish auditory comprehension has seriously gone through the roof this year!), she continued.
Looking back, I guess I should have expected it, but I was blind sighted. When she asked if I had thought about what I wanted to do next year and if I'd be interested in joining the team... this time as a salaried teacher with my own homeroom and my own classes... I was speechless. Absolutely speechless. She went on to explain that everybody loved me and that I was doing a really great job with the student. She said I was only 24 and it was a perfect age to begin my career. She said that they would love to have me for next year, and if after, I decided I wanted to stay in Spain...
I tried to express my shock and enthusiasm as best I could, but it was near impossible. With all of the emotions I had going on in that moment, I don´t think I would have even been eloquent in English, much less in Spanish!! I did somehow sneak in a sentence or two, asking if they might have room for me to teach in their summer camp this year. ;) She was delighted I´d even asked and said she would go to the head director of the school and talk all of it over with him. She explained she´d wanted to make sure I was even interested before she went to him with the idea.
When I left her office, I went outside into the sunshine on the balcony and I began to cry. (I´d never believed in happy tears, but I quickly realized that these were them.) I couldn´t believe that my creativity and unique understanding of kids and my chipper disposition and my hard work had all been noticed. No - not just noticed, but truly appreciated. I couldn´t believe that the head mistress of this fancy private school - which prides itself on its bilingual education and English program - was asking little ´ol ME to be one of their English teachers!!! Essentially, I´d be turned into one of the biggest selling points of the school. Me. Twenty-four year old, cupcake loving, sleeps with her stuffed dog, BSes classes two seconds before she has to give them, hasn´t really studied much in the way of education theories (but instead plays it by ear and goes on what she feels is different and interesting)...
But after I stopped crying and sweating and freaking out, I stopped to think about it for two seconds and had a serious moment of contemplation. If I had a kid and wanted to send them to the best bilingual school, would I want somebody who was basing their system based off of every other system? Would I want a traditional teacher? Would I want my kids to dread all of the studying they had to do? NO. I would want that young, fresh, creative, silly, fun, understanding, unique, intelligent and innovative teacher teaching my kid.
I swear I feel like I have no idea what I´m doing most of the time - but I still feel like my ideas are far better than the educated, status quo ideas. Imagine what I could come up with if given this opportunity!?!?! Whoa...
Before this afternoon, I´d really felt slightly indifferent about the next year. I figured I´d find the right thing and do my best and just go with the flow. My roomies are the ones who have been FREAKING out about what the summer plans are going to be, what their fall plans are going to be, how their careers are going to come together, etc. And then there´s me. I don´t know if it´s laziness, naivety or faith, but I´ve really turned into one of those obnoxious types that just has faith in the Universe (and Conor) to figure things out, and in exchange I work hard, do my best and appreciate what I have in front of me. When you think about it, driving myself crazy thinking about what my job would be in the future wouldn´t have gotten me a job offer any faster or any better -- if anything, it would have hindered my performance and possibly made it not come.
With this sudden possibility for my future, I allowed myself to start daydreaming as to what it could mean for next year. My first salaried job (albeit a small salary - but a salary nonetheless!), I would be able not to worry about money. That would be cool. I would be able to get a cute apartment in the city with a native or two to practice my Spanish. I would be able to seriously look into getting that Vespa I´ve wanted since I was a kid. I would be able to continue my mission to have a professional yet colorful wardrobe. I could literally live the European dream life that I´ve visualized since I was in middle school. It would become reality. And that´s just crazy.
The money aspect was cool to think about, but what really got me even more hypnotized by my daydream was the notion of being able to have my own classes! I could create my own dicipline structure. I could set whatever classroom atmosphere I desired. I could get kids as enthusiastic and fluent in English as my imagination and innovation could allow! I could have real positive influence on kids´ lives, just by being my awesome self and being a role model for them. I could use my love of ¨The Little Prince¨ to really be one of those unique teachers that seems so cool and seems to get it so much that you can´t help but be enchanted by their classes.
I´ve always loved being creative. I love to paint, I love to write, I love to blog, I love to color, I love to dance, I love to think differently, I love to visualize. Being creative is BLISS. But turning my creativity into something that can serve to educate and inspire others?! UM, DREAM JOB. I always thought I´d end up doing it through a magazine or through books or through some other form of published writing... and I still want to do so... but for now, I think this is the most perfect and ingenious way to start!
And so, now I have to wait. I have to wait for the head mistress to talk to the director. If he okays it, I have to wait to hope I can figure out all of the visa info properly and in time. If I get my visa settled, I have to wait for the school year to start and once again restart my life (for the third time!) in Spain - new place to live, new friends, new activities, new love interests. ;-P
But waiting has never been something that bothers me too much. If it doesn´t work out, I will have been grateful for the opportunity, as it opened my imagination and sense of endless possibilities and feeling of being truly appreciated for who I am unlike anything else could have. I will know there is something else the Universe has planned for me that is even more exquisite.
But if it does work out...
Oh boy... I seriously feel like I could turn this school on its head and make it the most successful private school in the country. No doubts. I have that much (beginner´s) faith in myself and my abilities. Perhaps that´s how every newbie feels in their field, but I have proven my abilities in the past, and am utterly confident I will continue to do so over and over again.
^_^
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