Two of my biggest dreams came true while I was 23:
1) I got to live in a gorgeous apartment with the girl I'd loved since I was 19 in an awesome city with plenty of money to spend on delicious meals and random adventures.
2) I got to live in a cute apartment with great new friends in an awesome city with a job that challenged me and allowed me to be appreciated for the creative, unique person I am.
But while I may have constructed those two "dream life" scenes near perfectly, a (big) part of me always felt that there was (a big) something missing. I feel like an alarmingly HUGE chunk of being 23 was consumed by me feeling like I wasn't good enough...
And that's what I want to change for good this year as a 24 year old. As a 24 year old, I want to burgeon into a self-confident, fulfilled and happy young lady. I want to exude grace and creativity while feeling grateful and deserving. I want to be surrounded by people who truly appreciate me and respect me and look forward to being around me. I want to be surrounded by successful, self-actualized people who are adventurous and freely give their love. I want to be one of those people.
I don't want to grow up into an adult, nor do I want to continue feeling like a kid; I want to find that rare path that takes to to that perfect in between where you don't take life too seriously, but you also aren't stuck in immature ways of thought.
I want to be the kind of young lady who always looks nice, who always exudes an attitude of gratitude and wonder and confidence, who is adored. I want to be the kind of young lady who isn't silent because she's second guessing herself or getting nervous about what people might be thinking about her, but instead is blissfully lost in her own imagination. I don't want to waste so much time on people who don't recognize me for how awesome I am, and spend more time on people do.
That last part has pretty much summed up being 23. And man, what a waste of time. There's some quote about how you can be the juiciest peach in the world, but there will still be people who don't like peaches. I need to seriously find something better to do than convince these people that peaches are great, and then second guess myself, wondering if they really are... >_< I have lived like that for practically my whole life, and honestly if I could only succeed in one thing while being 24, it would be in this.
I had a tiny, tiny taste of the life I want when I was in Dublin... And oh my God I loved it.
So how do I make 24 the best year yet? Here's the recipe:
1) A googleplex of awesome, successful, mature, funny, adventurous, self-actualized, stylish, polyglot friends.
2) A creative job where I feel indispensable and adored... That I can't wait to go to on Monday morning!
3) A lot of dance, writing and other creative outlets of self expression.
4) A cozy abode where I can rest and recharge.
5) Travel and linguistic adventures that help me to learn and grow.
I want my default mode to be self-confidence, and for the days of thinking, "I'm not good enough for them... They probably are happier when I'm not around" to be a thing of the PAST.
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