I always knew teachers didn't really like all of their students equally... there were some they liked more than others, and some they just plainly disliked. But I never knew just how much a teacher could enjoy some of their students on a daily basis! I always assumed that, although many of my teachers clearly enjoyed me as a student, as soon as that class was over, I (and the other students) were the last thing on their mind. Maybe I was right - and maybe I'm just a really strange, awkward teacher... but I find myself smiling and thinking about a bunch of my students all the time. Something hilarious one of them said. A snarky face they gave me. One of the adorable things they did in class. I can't just walk out of the room and never think about it again - they provide me too much joy and amusement!
I always assumed teachers had maybe one teacher's pet, and then a slew of kids on their shit-list. I, however, have a BUNCH of kids I adore, and only a handful of students I just have no idea what to make of (but I don't dislike them so much as worry about what might be going on in their home life to make them the way they are). The cutest part, of course, is that in many cases the kids that make me giggle the most are also my biggest fans. Every single afternoon they run up to me on the playground and hug me and tell me all about thier lives. They chant my name when I walk into class. They tell me on the bus that I'm their class' favorite teacher. I have so many tiny Spanish teacher's pets, and I just want to squish them all!!
Perhaps this needs some explanation...
See, in Spain, primary teachers and students are very physically affectionate: giving each other hugs is totally normal; tousling kids' hair when they're asking a question happens all the time; pinching their cheeks when they're being a little annoying is something I see daily; and when it's a student's birthday, they bring all of the teachers a chocolate or a cupcake, and in return the teachers always give the student birthday kisses. As touching a student in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER is highly illegal in the US, I was way weirded out by all of this physical affection for the first five months. It's a very recent development that I have started hugging them back, or start tickling them when they're being obstinate, or do their hair for them when they're on the playground and they ask me to make them a bun (they like my "American" buns - haha) or braid their hair, or play with their hair when it's their turn to answer a question and their heads are in the clouds.
I would be a disaster of a teacher if I were to work in America at this point! I would find it impossible to go back to the taboo/frigid way of American interactions with kids. But then, the kids here are so used to it that they automatically initiate it, whereas children in America would never do that...
Anyway, some of these little primary kids are just so squishable...
The first grade girl who can have an ADORABLE oral confrontation with her peers in perfectly fluent English. The first grade girl who always has pigtails and always looks a little bit lost. The first grade girl who is literally ALWAYS smiling and adorable. The first grade boy who understands me better than half the students in the school, and uses his advantage to be a little (cute) shit. The second grade girl who always is happy to see me and draws me pictures. The third grade boy who is flamboyantly fabulous and ridiculously intelligent. The wide-eyed third grade girl who is more or less fluent in English thanks to her brother only talking to her in English. The third grade girl who is always enthusiastic and way ready to learn every single thing I have to teach with the utmost attention and the biggest smile. The fourth grade girl who is way into the pen-pal project, and equally as enthusiastic about every single minute of my classes. The fourth grade girl who is always happy to see me and to practice English with me. The fifth grade boy who tells people off who make fun of him in PERFECTLY constructed English comebacks (but is the perfect gentleman towards me) and is clearly very motivated and excited for English classes. The sixth grade boy who is fluent in English, thanks to having lived in America for awhile, and always has hilarious commentary throughout class on each student and their behavior, and who also keeps me up to date on student gossip.
^_^
But then, there are the awesome students on the other side of the school. I ping-pong between the 1-6th graders and the 7th-12th graders so much throughout the day, that I hardly have time to adjust my personality adequately. With the primary kids, I'm silly and uber animated. It's really not a stretch, as that's just how I am sometimes (sometimes I just have to tone it down because of those around me who are too "adultish" for such fabulousness). So when I get to the older kids, I try to be a little more "cool" and a little less "insane." But what ends up happening is some strange mix of the two, where I act 100% real. And being "real" is not something I'm pretty sure teachers are supposed to be...
Which brings me to the conversation I had in the hall today with two students.
I was asking them about what their next class was and they were telling me about failing a test in the subject, so they had to be there during recess for extra help. A teacher would have responded to that news with something like, "Well, study hard. Failing is never okay. These things are serious." But how did I answer? I laughed and sarcasitcally told them, "Ahh... nice going. Well you're already getting great grades in English, so who cares about this other class? It's obviously not as awesome."
>_<
Who gave me the go-ahead to be an authority figure?! Hahaha. Whoever was clearly was fooled.
We proceeded to have a conversation about their impressions of the teachers, and how I knew them to be when they were being silly and themselves in the teacher's lounge, and then how I saw certain students, and how they actually were outside of school. It was utterly intriguing and hilarious for us both. To realize the fronts these teachers (and some students) put up in the name of the authority/subordinate way of things was just ridiculous.
I worry sometimes that I'll never make a good teacher, 'cause I just can't do that. I can't BS some strong, strict authoritarian front just to intimidate students into taking me seriously. It's all so dorky. I'm the teacher that laughs when they tell me they failed a test because - guess what - in the scheme of their entire lives, it really DOES NOT MATTER. I'm not going to sit there and guilt them and make them feel bad and tell them how important it is and how disappointed I am in them. Hell with that. You failed a test? Well that's dumb. Do better next time. Wth. Now let's talk about music.
Haha.
I guess I just don't see a point in all the fakeness. I'm sure there is one - and that's what I'm worried about. Or, maybe there's not. Maybe all of these teachers are so insecure they feel they have to put up a front in order to be respected? I don't know what the answer is. All I know is it seems like being real with students is giving them respect, and they will respect you right back for it. Making them inferior to you because you are the "authority" figure seems so... ignorant? I don't know what word I'm looking for. The more you distance yourself from the student, the more the student will lie and cheat, and the less attention they will pay, because they're being made to feel inferior. But be on their level and suddenly they'll be extremely interested by what you have to teach them, will do their best work to make you proud and the more they will be able to grow and learn. I know my teachers that talked to me like I was on their level were the teachers who made me feel confident in myself and who I absolutely adored and learned the most from. They weren't there to prove anything - they were just there to impart their knowledge to those who were truly interested. And this seemed so very noble! :)
Anyway, the twenty minute conversation with those two was a delight, but it really made me wonder what the hell all the older students must think of me. I see them as interesting and awesome people - far more so than Americans I know who are my age, and thus 5-6 years older than them. But do they actually see me as a teacher figure? Because I don't, and I can't imagine how anybody not in primary could. I'm too real to be a teacher figure. I can't discipline high schoolers without giggling. I can't make serious commentary on their academic failures or mistakes, because making them feel bad about it is the only way to make sure you are successfully perpetuating it (and I can't stand the way tests work - at least in this school... and, perhaps, in general, if this is how it works everywhere).
I also think I get special leeway because all I have to do is talk to these guys in English, and BAM - it's "learning." How lucky is that!? It doesn't matter what I'm talking to them about, so long as they are practicing English. What a joke. But, I mean... not a joke... it really is helping them. But how cool. ^_^
XOXO
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