Weekend 264 & 265: Happy Thesising!

Blogs this week are going to be deceivingly short... because I have to THESIS!!! It's due Friday night, so I actually have to get my rear in gear and get this DONE.

I'm not going to lie - a not so tiny part of my is a little freaked thinking this could be my last academic paper. I LOVE WRITING ACADEMIC PAPERS. I know I get all freaked out and stressed about them... but in the end, I love it. It gives me a weird high. I feel most authentically like myself when I'm doing it. I've developed a system that works over the years, and I'm really great at it. I've come to embrace my procrastination and to see it as my muse. I've seen my multitasking to be beneficial time my creativity needs to think without being noticed.

It's definitely not hit me yet that there's only one month left of this journey. As of July 2nd, no more apartment, no more Abby, no more roomies, no more school, no more Bachis, no more 3A, no more... anything that makes my life my life right now, actually... O_O

Of course, the weirdest part (as it always is with me), is that none of this freaks me out. Actually, I'm in love with the notion that I have no idea what comes next. That everything will change. I'm so excited.

But leaving my kids will be sad. I know I'm gonna pull a Miss Pineapple and I'm going to cry like a baby. I love those little kids. I really, truly, LOVE them. If I could be their teacher for forever, I would do it in a heartbeat. I'm not sure how much I've taught them this year, when all's said and done... but the amount they've taught me is incredible.

When I got to Spain in September, I felt so very small. I felt like nobody. I felt like I didn't really matter to anybody. I felt like hollow. Portland had used up all the spirit I had and spit me out with my little soul just barely hanging on for dear life.

But these kids... these kids and their cheers when I enter the room... each and every week. They way they run up and hug me at recess like I'm some sort of enchanted princess. They way they talk to me like I'm somebody so very important to them, and like I'm one of the few who actually understands them. Their smiles and giggles when I act like myself -- that me I was always so ashamed of being.

These kids have filled me with so much love and appreciation that I can't help but adore myself again. <3

On the second week of teaching, I wrote in this blog that it really wasn't for me; I saw it as a glorified babysitting position and I resented it. Looking back at what I wrote is so funny to me now, because I feel just the opposite. I feel like I've never really known where I fit nor found many people who really understood and appreciated me for me... but after this year, I've finally figured it out... at least for now! :)


After my thesis is complete, I'm going to be putting in all of my extra time and energy into writing each and every kid I've had a personal note. That's 275 letters. But I don't mind. They deserve to be thanked and told how much I adore them back and how wonderful they are, too. I can't wait to write them, actually! It might even be more fun (and certainly more work) than my thesis!

I know this is thesis isn't the last big piece of writing I'll ever do - in fact, it may be the first of many, really. And I know these kids won't be the last kids I'll ever teach - but they're my first... and that's what makes them so special. <3

XOXO