I'm not sure why, but lately I've been getting that warm squishy
feeling that my life is just how I want it to be. I'm only really
lacking one thing, but I have faith that it'll come in time. But right
now, I catch myself speaking to myself all the time walking between
classes... or around Madrid... or on my way home. That happy squeak of
pure contentment.
This week I had my high schoolers
right their blog posts on their ultimate ridiculous fantasy dream job.
Today one of them asked me what mine was, and I had to pause because
although I know there are bigger, more exotic dreams I have for the
future, I don't know how much happier I really could be in any other job
right now.
I have 275 students that squeal my name
every time I walk into their classroom - even if I'm just stopping by
for a stapler! I have 275 tiny people whose eyes fill up with happiness
when they see me, and they're always running up and hugging me and
telling me about their lives - or, in the case of the older ones,
giggling along with me at one of my random comments and inserting their
own witty remarks into our conversations.
Most of my
life I have felt like very few people understood me, and vice versa.
I've never been the type to be social or to really be interested in many
people at one time. I've always seen people in general to be pretty
disappointing - either they felt too fake or seemed to shallow or had
very different priorities than me... and I always felt like there must
have been something wrong with me, because I just didn't fit in
anywhere, really.
But I've finally found where I do fit
in, and where I am appreciated (and even adored). I've finally found
people I can relate to and be amazed by. I finally found real people in
touch with themselves... and these people happen to be 6-17 years old.
The
problem all along was I thought adults were the ones who had their shit
together, but it's turned out it's just the opposite. Younger people
are the ones who are still creative and imaginative and real. They're
the ones that haven't been so shaped by society as to have lost their
sense of self and their ability to see things from a unique perspective.
When
I walk the halls of the school, I feel like some of those kids honestly
really understand me and appreciate me for who I am - unlike almost any
other adult ever has. and, in return, I feel like I really, truly
understand and value them - again, probably unlike most any other adult
has. We just have this connection where we "get it." It's something most
adults can't see - and I don't know why - but we can.
I
told my 10th graders how I'm really weird and not an average American,
and so not to think everybody from my country was as strange as me. And
one girl looked at me, confused, and said, "We don't think you're
weird." I laughed and said thanks, but that it was okay with my I was
weird. She pressed on, "No, you're not weird. You're just different -
but, like, in a really cool way." I laughed again and tried to change
her mind, figuring the class just didn't know me that well. I told them
how I'd not know the lyrics to a song the other day and how I'd started
meowing to the song instead, because it was just something J and I used
to do. I told her how my roommates laughed at me and told me I was nuts.
The class just smiled and thought it sounded like a really fun idea and
that they would try meowing to a song in English they couldn't
understand the next time they heard one!
^_^
^
(This is what I'm talking about. These students get me, and I think they're so awesome for it!)
See,
I remember how lonely it could feel at some points being a kid and a
teenager. I always said when I was younger that I wanted to be the kind
of adult that UNDERSTOOD kids, because so few of them did. I wanted to
be the kind of adult that would really LISTEN to kids and would believe
they were big enough and smart enough to think for themselves and feel
things just as intensely as adults.
I remember those
few times that I would find an adult who really got me, and how safe and
understood I would suddenly feel. Just to feel like I had somebody with
a little amount of "adult power" on my side. Somebody who would be
willing to fight for me and help me when nobody else would listen or
understand.
I had a lot of teachers who recognized me for
my intelligence and talent - Mrs. Block was the first teacher to tell me
I was a good writer, and honestly her telling me that changed my entire
life. I'd never thought twice about writing, but after getting the
chance to write in our writers notebook and her compliments and
encouragement, I started to see myself as talented. Had I had any other
5th and 6th grade teacher, who knows what I'd be doing right now.
I
had other teachers like that who changed the course of my life in
little and big ways, and changed the ways I viewed myself and my
abilities, too. There was Mrs. Kirschbaum who brought out the sassiness
in me. There was Mrs. Whitnah who gave us that speech, crying, one day
that her former student had just committed suicide and that if we ever
felt lonely or overwhelmed to the point of killing ourselves, that we
had to promise her first, and she would be there for us no matter what.
That always made me feel like I had somebody on my side. There was Mrs.
Hinchey who gave me the failing grade on my first Spanish test of 6th
grade and really changed the course of my entire existence in doing so
and sparked the moxie and sanguinity that are currently such dominant
traits.
There was Sra. Duarte who put me in AP Spanish as a
Freshman after accurately spotting my linguistic tenacity. There was
Monseiur Olsen-Dufour who introduced me to "The Little Prince" - in
French, no less! There was Mr. Blair Bear who really polished my writing
and taught me it was okay to occasionally be a little brassy in the
name of standing up for what I believed in. And then there was Ernesto
who really recognized in me my potential the most, out of any teacher
I've had. He saw that I wasn't like the rest of them and made me feel
acknowledged for the unique person I was for the first time.
When
I began this adventure at my school, my lofty goal was to inspire some
of the students to really fall in love with the language by finding out
more about American culture and by making learning about it all fun.
After the first two weeks, I wrote a blog saying how unfit to be a
teacher I was and how much I disliked it. I had no idea that by the end
of the year, I would have 275 fans, 275 kids who I had not only inspired
a love of English and American culture, but whom I'd made feel
authentically good about themselves and understood and adored, to boot.
Today I had maybe a 30 second conversation with one of my favorite sophomores, in which I quickly told him how I'd stuck my neck out for a few of them last Friday when everything had happened. He and the others sincerely (and I mean SINCERELY) thanked me for putting myself on the line for them - I get the feeling it's not something that's really happened to them before. I was honored to have been able to do it, too. After he told me not to worry what other people were thinking or saying, because, basically, they had nothing on me - not just in terms of reasoning, but in terms of awesomeness.
^_^
I know it was just a simple sentence or two from a sophomore guy, but it really translated into my life in general: "Don't worry about what people are saying behind your back - you're awesome and we - the ones who truly matter - all know it."
<3
Seriously. I know I risked it a little standing up for them, but that was nothing compared to that mini pearl of wisdom he gave me today - one that I've heard so many times, but one that meant so much more coming from an intelligent, younger person with perspective. <3
Anyway, this
weekend I have a lot to accomplish. I have to finish one of my classes,
I have to make serious headway on my Thesis and I have to figure out
how to approach the head mistress about the possibility of teaching
Primary or Secondary rather than Preschool/Kindergarten. I've begun my
little book that I plan to fill with reasons, but I need to make them
more pithy and from the heart.
Good thing I've stocked up on yummy food, 'cause I won't be leaving the house 'til Monday morning!!! :oP But as I write this, it's already 9:30 and I've accomplished NO studying. I HAVE eaten two fajitas with a clara (half beer half lemon soda), a strawberry white chocolate shortcake, and a pack of oreos with cream cheese and horchata. I HAVE watched four episodes between How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men - but all in Spanish, and I understood most of the jokes, so really that was totally a studying experience. And, finally, I HAVE created my first tumblr, 'cause I'm newly slightly obsessed with it, and I've already practically made B wet his pants thanks to my creativity with gifs:
www.jetsetcupcake.tumblr.com
And now, a trabajar!! (Psshhh... yeah right...)
XOXO
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