The day started out perfectly... aka... with my Bachis and all of the American sweets John had brought me! ^_^ I gave eveybody poptarts and gobstoppers peanut butter cups and (oddly most popular) warheads. They totally loved it and it was cute to see them all so happy! ^_^
...
And then I had the rude realization that my writing abilities have taken a nosedive since I became an English teacher. I've become so aware of my students' linguistic limitations that not only do subconsciously dumb down my speaking and writing in the classroom, but I've apparently been doing so out of the classroom for quite some time. It's gotten to the point that I use the most simple sentence structures possible, along with the most limited vocabulary I can and still get my meaning across - and I have NO CLUE that I am doing it.
Of course, it would be unfair to blame this solely on teaching, so I'm going to go ahead and blame it just a bit on Portland, too. I remember the day I returned to America and talked to J on the phone for the first time in months and how disturbed I was with the way she spoke. Her diction was nothing but colloquialisms and cuss words. But, just as I had sworn I wouldn't get a Midwestern accent after moving to Wisconsin for college and ended up with an accent that still comes out, despite leaving that area two years ago... By the end of my year in Portland, my speech was anything but eloquent. While it's certainly not as bad as it was while I was living there, it's not terribly refined and erudite, either.
...
After my lesson with Patty I headed over to the conversation exchange for the second week in a row! As soon as I got there I started talking with three kinda crazy Spanish girls, and then a little later found Erin, who found two really cool Spanish people to chat with! It was by far the most spontaneously social I've been in a minute, and I had so much fun! The two Spanish ladies said they'd keep in contact! ^_^ Awesome.
After the exchange, I walked with A and Erin through the city, listening in to their conversation. I felt a little thirdwheely, but I was enjoying myself at the same time. Hearing a guy be so obsessed with a girl is a weird thing to listen to. Usually, it seems to me, it's the other way around. But not with this guy. Even more strange is the fact that he seems so different from the average person... Like he should be above that sort of thing. But he explained he wanted an independent girl who wouldn't just roll over and give him what he wanted, but that he would have to work for
:-/
It sounded like very adolescent to me... And I was reminded of that quote: "You accept the love you think you deserve." Why somebody like him wouldn't have enough self confidence to accept nothing short of an adoring significant other was beyond me. But then again... It's been a moment since I had one, myself, I suppose? Still, it was very revealing to see a GUY in that position and see just how ridiculous it looks.
Note to self: stop valuing people who see you as anything less than extraordinary (if I followed this, the only people I'd ever value would be my students and a handful of friends and family... But maybe that's more than enough?)!
Having a reflection of myself in relationships standing right in front of me in that glowing light of the street ads at 1 in the morning at Plaza Cibeles certainly was a bit jarring. I don't want to be like that anymore. What a waste... :-/
Everything was made a little better, though, when he blew me a kiss goodnight as I walked down the steps to the metro. A girl can pretend life is just as it should be for a few minutes at a time. ;)
XOXO
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