I woke up fifteen minutes earlier than I normally would because I had two things I needed to look a little better than usual for today: my penultimate class with my beloved Bachis and a cupcake cooking fest with my newest friend. After a seriously depressing weekend, I was hoping that the combo of these two things would bring me back to my sanguine self.
I put on my new, cutest outfit, sprayed some volumizer in my hair and put a little eyeliner on. I still was feeling pretty low, but I was ready and willing to finally get out of my slump.
So when I'd barely made it through the door and saw tears filling Ms. Pineapple's eyes, I knew my grand plan wasn't off to a good start. When I asked her what was wrong, she stammered that they had an exam and my class was canceled.
Holy shit it was a good thing the exam was for my favorite high school teacher at that school - because had it been one of the teachers I despise... I swear I would have lost it. I tried to look nonchalant when I turned around and left the classroom, but I was spitting out every cuss word I could think of as I walked up the stairs and back to the teachers' office. Stealing the penultimate hour I had with my Bachis?! How fucking DARE these people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't they know how my Bachis are the single thing that makes my Mondays worth waking up for?!!??!??!??!?!?!?! UGH!
When I got to Laura's class second period and she asked how I was in the hall before class, I let it all out. Every "fuck this shit" I had pent up all weekend long came gushing out of me as she gently nodded her head (slightly bemused at my string of cuss words being unleashed just outside the 2nd grade classroom). After my crazy verbal tirade, I felt a little better knowing another adult in that building understood me and was there to listen and sincerely agree. <3 You always need that one person at your job that you can just be real with, and I'm so glad I have her!
The rest of the day was equally as shitty, really. I felt hopeless and depressed and, more that than, pissed. I hate when I feel like others have control over my life. Hate hate hate it. After all, that's the reason I first went to my Life Coach, and have studied so hard to learn how to always be in charge of my own destiny. But sometimes, you just have to stop being so logical and in control... Sometimes, sometimes a girl just really needs to take a few days to just roll around in the bullshit that is feeling stressed and hopeless and taken advantage of and out of control and, well, screwed. There is something oddly freeing about giving yourself a few days to just react like a normal person.
It's like watching TV in Spain - you know you CAN understand all the shows in Spanish if you tried just a little, but sometimes you just want the show to be in English darnit. Your brain just wants some time off. Eff it. But the thing is, the longer you watch TV in English, the harder it becomes to switch it back to Spanish, even though days ago it was so effortless you didn't even realize you were doing it.
I knew I needed something reasonably big to get me out of this funk, but it wasn't until Woody asked if I would like to have a Skype & Wine date that I figured out what that something might be!
We talked and talked for hours, giggling and drinking wine the whole time. It was so so so so so amazing to really talk to my best friend for the first time in months. He just understands me like nobody else could. He's been there through all of my high school shit. All of my college shit. All of my relationship shit. Everything. And he still thinks the world of me. <3 I'm still his Lil Chubby Doll. <3 He, more than anybody else, can make me go from self hatred, anxiety and depression to giggling and joking around and adoring myself in mere minutes. That is some potent and incredible superpower, and I am so so so grateful that after eight whole years, we are still each others bestest friend. <3
Funk overcome! FTW!
XOXO
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