My 5-7th graders have been doing their Junior Acheivement project in which they design a business and create a product, etc. It's a good idea, but it has been an overall chaotic disaster. I'm sure in a few years after the school has fine-tuned it, it will be awesome. But for now - >_<. Anyway, when I got to my 5th grade class this morning, the teacher informed me the project was FINALLY officially over, so today we (and by we, she meant I) would be going over their main horrendous mistakes on their last big exam. She then turned to the class and told them I was in charge and she immediately set to grading.
O_O
I joke that I am bothered by being told what I'm going to teach approximately thirty seconds before I have to teach it, but in all actuality I adore it. I definitely am the kind of person who thinks best on her toes and I thrive on the "Ready? set? go!!!" mentality of things. Give me a week to write a paper, or tell me I have thirty minutes - and that thirty minute paper will kick SO MUCH ASS over that week long one!!!
As it turns out, teaching basically follows the same rules for me! AWESOME.
The teacher asked me to go over three main things, and so I did - Chelsea style! ;) See, my only role that I'd had in these classes was the girl who would yell at them to stop being so ridiculous... and I hated it. I never got a chance to use my personality or be anything other than a behavior gaztapo. It way sucked. I'm not the kind of teacher who wishes to inspire fear in her students. I want to be the kind that kids absolutely, positively look forward to having - and, because of that, learn a boat load, too (most of the time, without even realizing it!).
So I took my first chance to really show them who I was as a teacher and I RAN with it. I ran all over the room and drew crazy things and made funny faces and threw erasers at peoples' heads and was dramatic and made them giggle. Basically, I was that BAMF teacher kids will remember for forever because they're just so strange a kid doesn't know whether to question their sanity or fall in love with them for being so unique. ;)
Here was a little how the class went:
1) Issue: Talking about ages. In Spanish, one says something like "el tiene 10 anos," which translates to "he has 10 years." Because of this, Spanish speakers are always saying "to have" instead of "to be." Considering this is one of the first five phrases you learn in a language class, it really can get on a person's nerves when students who have been studying the language for YEARS can't get it right.
And so I began talking. At first, I had no idea where I was going with my explanation of why it was "to be" and not "to have." I started them talking about their pets and had them tell me how old they were. Sure enough, half of them (at least) used the verb "to have." I just kept this up and blabbing until it hit me: "When you say, 'He only has two days...' in English, it basically means, 'He is going to die in two days.' So every single time you tell me your dog HAS two years, you're saying it's going to die in ten years. It's very upsetting. Why is it going to die? That is so sad! Is it sick!? Is someone going to kill it?! Are YOU going to kill it? When you tell me your dog has two years, you're basically killing your dog off... and that is way awful!!!"
By the end of my explanation students look both horrified and completely enraptured by the whole thing and were giggling uncontrollably. I kept repeating myself - "You are telling me that your dog/cat/fish/hamster is going to die and it is SOOOO sad!!!"
And so I asked them again - "How old is your dog!?" They would go to say, "he ha-", then stop themselves mid-word and scream, "IS!!! HE IS!!!!!!" It was HILARIOUS and AWESOME!!! I went through every kid in the classroom and not ONE killed their pet off by butchering the English language.
Using the correct verb was now - semi-literally - a matter of life and death. And doggoneit, these kids were not just about to kill off their furry friends!!!
2) Issue: Students were combining "have" and "has" into "haves" on exams and in conversation. And so, once again, I began talking. "'Haves' isn't really a word in English... unless, of course, you add an 'L', in which case it becomes 'halves.' Does anybody know what 'halves' means?!"
Silence.
I drew 1/2 and 1/2 on the board and wrote "one half and one half... two halves." I proceeded to explain that to "half" something mean to divide... or, more dramatically, VIOLENTLY SLICE... something in half. So when somebody says, "She haves a dog!" what they're really saying is, "She cuts a dog into two halves!!!!"
OMG!!!! NO!!!!! NOT THE POOR DOG!!!!!
I dramatically expressed horror by stumbling around the room and begging an imaginary person not to cut a dog in half. I then drew a giraffe on the board and then drew a dark line in the middle of it, showing that it was now cut in half.
The kids were, by this time, laughing HYSTERICALLY. Even the teacher had looked up at this point and was giggling along with them! ^_^ *win*
I then had kids in pairs use the verb "to have" in the 3rd person and listened to them. Every time somebody went to say "haves" they stopped themselves and shouted, "I mean!! I mean!!! HAS!!!!
BAD ASS, little 5th graders!!!
3) Issue: Cannot ever get off their lazy bums and write the extra 's' the third person singular takes in present simple in English.
Solution? Write an irregular verb in Spanish on the board and show them that there are NINE things to remember when using a SINGLE verb in the present tense in Spanish. And I FIGURED THIS OUT by their age.
Sure, forget that tiny, little, meaningless, ridiculously simple, stupidly easy 's' when speaking English to a fellow student. But forget it when I'm around - a girl who had to learn about a million different endings and stem-changers and irregulars and MYHEADISGOINGTOEXPLODE in able to speak SPANISH and I might just have to smack you around.
Just as I would get over my little harangue on the ridiculous simplicity of the 's', I would run back to the giant 'S!!!' I had drawn on the board and begin again:
"It's just ONE LETTER. You don't even have to take your PENCIL OFF THE PAGE TO MAKE IT. It always follows the rule. It's only sometimes. And it's just ONE LETTER!!! ONE!!! ONE!!!!! ONLY ONE!!!!!!! RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR!!!!!"
Kids were practically falling out of their seats laughing at this point.
Awesome.
I then had them practice with ten sentences on the board and had them do an activity I learned in my Master's class (what!? I learned something in my Master's class?!?!?!) of writing a sentence on a paper and giving it to the next student and folding over the antipenultimate one to make a funny story. Of all the sentences I checked, there were only two mistakes - and get this... the mistake was with the question "Does he play"... they tried to turn it into "Does he plays"... HELL YES TINY KIDS!!!! That's right - that totally makes sense to say "Does he plays" and add that 's' right there!!!! YAY FOR YOU!!!!
(We'll work on why you only have to conjugate the first verb in a sentence next class, for now I gave them a high five for thinking that way! ^_^)
I did this exact same class with the 6th graders in the afternoon and they possibly loved it even more. And yes, this class was taught to the 6th grade class I dreaded and loathed because of their disrespect and lack of attention span. The class I made them write a contract and screamed at the top of my lungs at. Suddenly, when I had the whole class to do what I wanted and be me, respect was INSTANTLY won. HELL YES.
At one point, one of the students (one of the really annoying ones, too) said to me, "Can you keep making us laugh!? We learn so much faster and better when you are being so funny!!!"
^_^ <- beaming with awesomeness and pride
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After school with Nacho-Man was a hoot, too... and I finally figured out all you have to do is throw a bouncy ball into the picture and any kid will speak as much English as you can trick them into. ;) Awesome. He attached himself to my legs when it was time for me to leave and informed me that because I didn't have tango class, I could stay with him for the night. :oD CUTE!
Getting home only made the day more awesome. Fajitas. Oreos with cream cheese (I don't know why I do it, but it's so good). Then roomie date with Abby. We started watching Gossip Girl, but halfway through we took an intermission to go get Abby candy and, while out, decided we really could use some rum. We came right back and made HOT TODDIES (OMG YUM!!) and finished Gossip Girl!!
I LOVE ROOMIE DATES SOOOOO MUCH!!!!
XOXO!!!
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