1) Once I fell out of my mom's car. She had just parked in front of my dance school and I was so excited to get to class that I threw open my door and tripped and spilled out onto the pavement. My whole forehead was a big, bloody mess. They put a cloth bandage on it and I kept the bandage on too long and the cloth got embeded in my skin. I literally had to pull strings out of my scabbed up skin for days to get it all out. EWW.
2) Once I wiped out on my Grandma's driveway when I was running from my friend's house back to her house to get some extra sugary grape gum. My face scrapped along the pavement when I fell and I just remember my mom making me stand over the sink as blood from my face dripped and dripped. After a few days half of my face was a huge scab. My nose had gotten the brunt of it and was basically a giant scab in the middle of my face. As it started to heal, the scab started to grow off my nose, and kinda looked like a small, purple elephant trunk turned up in the air. >_< Oh it was so gross, but I didn't understand (and still don't - haha) that scabs don't have feeling and refused to let anyone cut it off. One night I must have rolled around a lot because it finally fell off - but man was that hilariously nasty.
This nose issue, however, is a little different. First, you can still see the giant wart on my nose - only now instead of being clear/white, it's black. Yes, it looks like mine on minesweeper. Now, imagine there are a bunch of purple 2's all around that mine, and you basically have a mental picture of what my nose looks like right now. But it's not a pretty purple, it's that sickly, darkish redish purple and it's so yucky. I've had lots of kids ask this week what happened to me... hell, I would have asked if I were them. I'm just glad that it's finally starting to peel off, because I'm not sure how much longer I could go knowing that I look so blatantly unattractive. :-/ I swear I have a whole new understanding on what it's like to have any facial imperfection. I just feel like people are always staring and sickened by me. :-( I'm just so glad it will be all gone soon!!!
Anyway, Saturday was another epic 11 hours of class - this time on "classroom management," but it was questionable how much expertice the teacher actually had on the subject. The kids that had taken the class last week said it was awful. True, I think we could have covered all that we covered in maybe a 3 hour span rather than a 15 hour span, but it wasn't as bad as I had been expecting. The teacher, though, was pretty awful. All she could do was talk about her dad every other moment - "My DAD is an elementary school teacher." "My DAD took care of me this summer when I had ankle surgery." "My DAD's classroom is set up like this drawing here." "My DAD always has old students come up to him on the street." "My DAD sets up his classroom all summer long to make sure it's perfect." ETC. She just wouldn't stop. On and on and on about her dear 'ol dad. Clearly someone has a serious Electra complex. DAMN.
On top of that, she was the type of person who mutters "mkay?" after every other sentence. By the second hour all I wanted to do was scream, "OMG STOP SAYING MKAY, MKAY!?!!?" And after having been a teacher for two weeks myself, may I just say I can spot a time filler activity when I see one, and boy did we not need to be handed ten print outs for all the questions your have on the board and discuss them in groups every ten minutes and then discuss them together. I'm not sure if I was more forgiving of her lack of teaching abilities or less forgiving because I was blowing my nose every two seconds and leaving the classroom for hot cocoa every chance I got? Probably less forgiving? ;)
The second best part of the class was when she was going over the four stages of teaching (Fantasy. Survival. Mastery. Impact. "There's no way to bypass the survival stage or make it any easier so I'm not even going to try to help you." WHOA. BAD TEACHER ALERT.) and informed us that she was clearly in the Mastery/Impact stage in her teaching career. Hahahhahahahaha, oh really?? I actually caught myself shaking my head "NO" while wiping my nose when she said that. Ooopsies. ;)
The best part of the class? The last hour of the class we got to do skits in partners showing a typical badly behaving student we'd encountered in one of our classes and what to do about it from the information we'd learned in class. I was expecting some pretty dorky skits and to be out of class a half hour early. What I got, however, was some seriously hilarious (and accurate!!) impressions of obnoxious Spanish students!!!! Some people had the accent DOWN PERFECTLY and I couldn't stop laughing. Some people were just so oblivious and annoying that I thought I was gonna pee my pants! Brilliant. Sheer brilliance. Definitely gave me some new found respect for my classmates. :oD
By the end of the 11 hour day, it was time to come home and crash with a few episodes of Gossip Girl. My nose was running all over my face, my wart was looking particularly disturbing and it was chilly outside. To be under the covers, watching something dramatic and glamourous with a thing of carrot fruit juice and a big box of kleenex was the best ending to a long day.
Waking up around noon was even better. :) I started to watch some more Gossip Girl under the covers, until Abby came in to inform me our landlady was here to teach us how to make paella and tortilla!! What!? She'd said she might come by around 3pm, but not 12!! I dragged myself out of bed and watched, bemused, as the lady cooked in a whorlwind around our kitchen and Katie tried to follow her every move and clean up after her big messes. It was hilarious. And the food turned out to be delicious! Katie, Abby and I all bonded over our lunch (and the two bottles of wine the landlady and landlord had brought for us, too! yes - we drank them both - and they tasted like sparkling bubble gum... yummy!!!). :)
Afterwards it was time for our long over-due cleaning party. Abby and I cleaned our whole room, hung all our washed clothes and she even swept! We treated ourselves to an episode of Bones and Gossip Girl when our room was sparkling. :) After a nice, long, hot shower, I got bundled up and we went aimlessly wandering through Alcala. I love walks like that!! We stumbled upon an OLD ceramic factory (like hundreds and hundreds of years old) that had been turned into the center of a fountain type thing. It was adorably quaint. We talked and walked and got some frozen yogurt and candy on the way back. :) It was definitely the perfect thing to do after a lazy cleaning day at home! We got home to our roomies waiting for us to have dinner and we had the left overs from lunch. Yummy!
I'm so happy these ridiculous marathon classes are over until November. Next Saturday my Spanish family has invited me on a day trip to Segovia. The weekend after that, Abby, her friend and I may go to Granada for the long weekend. We're planning on getting a hookah and having roomie hookah/wine parties at night on our private balcony at the end of particularly stressful days (ahem - everyday that kids are part of it!). :oD
I've been here in Spain for just about a month now. It's not at all how it was last summer. And for the first few weeks all I could do was miss Portland and miss Spain like how it was last time I was here. But for the first time since I've been here, I'm starting to open myself up to the idea that maybe things can be even better than last time. Maybe I've just been so stuck thinking about what I miss that I'm not noticing what's in front of me. I promised myself last week that I had seven days to get over my depression. October 1st would be the day I would start this journey for real. September was for settling in, figuring things out and getting my body all fixed up. October is the month in which I can start to shine. The month in which I can be confident, fabulous abroad Me again, and leave that old, dried out skin behind.
On the first page of my journal I once wrote, "Chelsea, it's your turn to decide. You can be the queen of anything." I would read it all the time. I would wonder when it really would be my turn to decide. I also bought a picture years back that says, "Your wish is granted. Now is the time." I would stare and stare and stare at that picture - not because I was waiting for my wish to be granted, but because I was hoping someday I'd have a wish again that I really really desired. I may be starting small, but being the Queen of Myself and wishing for confidence, class and happiness isn't a bad thing to start with. Once I have those things back, I know I'll have the tenacity and sanguinity and moxie to go wherever I desire and accomplish whatever I put my mind to.
I can pinpoint three times in my life in which I truly felt like I was the Queen of Myself:
1) Driving Moxie down the hilly part of Arapahoe Road between Grandview and Arapahoe Crossings after my mini Italian class. Windows down, sun shining, girly music blaring, driving towards Starbucks for my banana mocha frappucino. Second semester senior year. Totally the Queen of Myself.
2) First semester in my beautiful little dorm. The bright pink net encircling my bed like a princess, the bright green furry rug to keep my toe warm. I felt like it was my very own castle and I was it's Queen and I felt so loved and happy and safe. Like I was on the most amazing adventure of my life full of learning things I'd never dreamed about and loving like it was a Disney story. I couldn't wait for the weekend to come and be locked away in my tower enjoying every moment of the the day and night and ordering Insomnia Cookies and going out for Jimmy Johns or BWW when hunger finally took over.
3) Last summer, taking the train, the metro, the night bus. Always out, walking around for hours upon hours, not wanting to be anywhere else in the world but where I was. Always deeply cared for by everyone around me - feeling for the first time that people could see me for who I wanted to become and grow into and not for who I had been. Always discovering new things everywhere. Always in the comfort of my Spanish family's home, feeling like I truly belonged. Always lounging on the couch Sunday mornings as blissfully content as can be watching MTV Top 50 countdown shows and music videos, all while drinking coffee with chocolate chips with some toast with coffee olive oil.
And I want that feeling back. I want to be the Queen of Myself again. And this time I don't want to let it slip away from me. Once that crown's back on my head, I'll fight like hell to keep it there. I know there are bad days and good days, but there's nothing worse than the feeling of not even knowing where your crown is.
A new month begins in exactly 20 minutes, and so shall begin my new quest. Perspective is key. I cleaned my room, rested up and got rid of my cold and painted my nails gold. :) I'm as ready as I'll ever be! If only this wart would fall off tonight... haha! <3
XOXO
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