Day 27/28: Class, Cold and Crown

I swear I've never looked THIS unattractive in my whole life. HUGE shout-out to my roomies who continue to look at my face and dine with me. Like, jeeze. The tip of my nose looks like it has the black plague, or maybe a strange case of scabbed up herpes. It's way gross. I think only two points in my life can even compare to how attractive my face currently is:

1) Once I fell out of my mom's car. She had just parked in front of my dance school and I was so excited to get to class that I threw open my door and tripped and spilled out onto the pavement. My whole forehead was a big, bloody mess. They put a cloth bandage on it and I kept the bandage on too long and the cloth got embeded in my skin. I literally had to pull strings out of my scabbed up skin for days to get it all out. EWW.

2) Once I wiped out on my Grandma's driveway when I was running from my friend's house back to her house to get some extra sugary grape gum. My face scrapped along the pavement when I fell and I just remember my mom making me stand over the sink as blood from my face dripped and dripped. After a few days half of my face was a huge scab. My nose had gotten the brunt of it and was basically a giant scab in the middle of my face. As it started to heal, the scab started to grow off my nose, and kinda looked like a small, purple elephant trunk turned up in the air. >_< Oh it was so gross, but I didn't understand (and still don't - haha) that scabs don't have feeling and refused to let anyone cut it off. One night I must have rolled around a lot because it finally fell off - but man was that hilariously nasty.

This nose issue, however, is a little different. First, you can still see the giant wart on my nose - only now instead of being clear/white, it's black. Yes, it looks like mine on minesweeper. Now, imagine there are a bunch of purple 2's all around that mine, and you basically have a mental picture of what my nose looks like right now. But it's not a pretty purple, it's that sickly, darkish redish purple and it's so yucky. I've had lots of kids ask this week what happened to me... hell, I would have asked if I were them. I'm just glad that it's finally starting to peel off, because I'm not sure how much longer I could go knowing that I look so blatantly unattractive. :-/ I swear I have a whole new understanding on what it's like to have any facial imperfection. I just feel like people are always staring and sickened by me. :-( I'm just so glad it will be all gone soon!!!

Anyway, Saturday was another epic 11 hours of class - this time on "classroom management," but it was questionable how much expertice the teacher actually had on the subject. The kids that had taken the class last week said it was awful. True, I think we could have covered all that we covered in maybe a 3 hour span rather than a 15 hour span, but it wasn't as bad as I had been expecting. The teacher, though, was pretty awful. All she could do was talk about her dad every other moment - "My DAD is an elementary school teacher." "My DAD took care of me this summer when I had ankle surgery." "My DAD's classroom is set up like this drawing here." "My DAD always has old students come up to him on the street." "My DAD sets up his classroom all summer long to make sure it's perfect." ETC. She just wouldn't stop. On and on and on about her dear 'ol dad. Clearly someone has a serious Electra complex. DAMN.

On top of that, she was the type of person who mutters "mkay?" after every other sentence. By the second hour all I wanted to do was scream, "OMG STOP SAYING MKAY, MKAY!?!!?" And after having been a teacher for two weeks myself, may I just say I can spot a time filler activity when I see one, and boy did we not need to be handed ten print outs for all the questions your have on the board and discuss them in groups every ten minutes and then discuss them together. I'm not sure if I was more forgiving of her lack of teaching abilities or less forgiving because I was blowing my nose every two seconds and leaving the classroom for hot cocoa every chance I got? Probably less forgiving? ;)

The second best part of the class was when she was going over the four stages of teaching (Fantasy. Survival. Mastery. Impact. "There's no way to bypass the survival stage or make it any easier so I'm not even going to try to help you." WHOA. BAD TEACHER ALERT.) and informed us that she was clearly in the Mastery/Impact stage in her teaching career. Hahahhahahahaha, oh really?? I actually caught myself shaking my head "NO" while wiping my nose when she said that. Ooopsies. ;)

The best part of the class? The last hour of the class we got to do skits in partners showing a typical badly behaving student we'd encountered in one of our classes and what to do about it from the information we'd learned in class. I was expecting some pretty dorky skits and to be out of class a half hour early. What I got, however, was some seriously hilarious (and accurate!!) impressions of obnoxious Spanish students!!!! Some people had the accent DOWN PERFECTLY and I couldn't stop laughing. Some people were just so oblivious and annoying that I thought I was gonna pee my pants! Brilliant. Sheer brilliance. Definitely gave me some new found respect for my classmates. :oD

By the end of the 11 hour day, it was time to come home and crash with a few episodes of Gossip Girl. My nose was running all over my face, my wart was looking particularly disturbing and it was chilly outside. To be under the covers, watching something dramatic and glamourous with a thing of carrot fruit juice and a big box of kleenex was the best ending to a long day.

Waking up around noon was even better. :) I started to watch some more Gossip Girl under the covers, until Abby came in to inform me our landlady was here to teach us how to make paella and tortilla!! What!? She'd said she might come by around 3pm, but not 12!! I dragged myself out of bed and watched, bemused, as the lady cooked in a whorlwind around our kitchen and Katie tried to follow her every move and clean up after her big messes. It was hilarious. And the food turned out to be delicious! Katie, Abby and I all bonded over our lunch (and the two bottles of wine the landlady and landlord had brought for us, too! yes - we drank them both - and they tasted like sparkling bubble gum... yummy!!!). :)

Afterwards it was time for our long over-due cleaning party. Abby and I cleaned our whole room, hung all our washed clothes and she even swept! We treated ourselves to an episode of Bones and Gossip Girl when our room was sparkling. :) After a nice, long, hot shower, I got bundled up and we went aimlessly wandering through Alcala. I love walks like that!! We stumbled upon an OLD ceramic factory (like hundreds and hundreds of years old) that had been turned into the center of a fountain type thing. It was adorably quaint. We talked and walked and got some frozen yogurt and candy on the way back. :) It was definitely the perfect thing to do after a lazy cleaning day at home! We got home to our roomies waiting for us to have dinner and we had the left overs from lunch. Yummy!

 I'm so happy these ridiculous marathon classes are over until November. Next Saturday my Spanish family has invited me on a day trip to Segovia. The weekend after that, Abby, her friend and I may go to Granada for the long weekend. We're planning on getting a hookah and having roomie hookah/wine parties at night on our private balcony at the end of particularly stressful days (ahem - everyday that kids are part of it!). :oD

I've been here in Spain for just about a month now. It's not at all how it was last summer. And for the first few weeks all I could do was miss Portland and miss Spain like how it was last time I was here. But for the first time since I've been here, I'm starting to open myself up to the idea that maybe things can be even better than last time. Maybe I've just been so stuck thinking about what I miss that I'm not noticing what's in front of me. I promised myself last week that I had seven days to get over my depression. October 1st would be the day I would start this journey for real. September was for settling in, figuring things out and getting my body all fixed up. October is the month in which I can start to shine. The month in which I can be confident, fabulous abroad Me again, and leave that old, dried out skin behind.

On the first page of my journal I once wrote, "Chelsea, it's your turn to decide. You can be the queen of anything." I would read it all the time. I would wonder when it really would be my turn to decide. I also bought a picture years back that says, "Your wish is granted. Now is the time." I would stare and stare and stare at that picture - not because I was waiting for my wish to be granted, but because I was hoping someday I'd have a wish again that I really really desired. I may be starting small, but being the Queen of Myself and wishing for confidence, class and happiness isn't a bad thing to start with. Once I have those things back, I know I'll have the tenacity and sanguinity and moxie to go wherever I desire and accomplish whatever I put my mind to.

I can pinpoint three times in my life in which I truly felt like I was the Queen of Myself:

1) Driving Moxie down the hilly part of Arapahoe Road between Grandview and Arapahoe Crossings after my mini Italian class. Windows down, sun shining, girly music blaring, driving towards Starbucks for my banana mocha frappucino. Second semester senior year. Totally the Queen of Myself.
2) First semester in my beautiful little dorm. The bright pink net encircling my bed like a princess, the bright green furry rug to keep my toe warm. I felt like it was my very own castle and I was it's Queen and I felt so loved and happy and safe. Like I was on the most amazing adventure of my life full of learning things I'd never dreamed about and loving like it was a Disney story. I couldn't wait for the weekend to come and be locked away in my tower enjoying every moment of the the day and night and ordering Insomnia Cookies and going out for Jimmy Johns or BWW when hunger finally took over.
3) Last summer, taking the train, the metro, the night bus. Always out, walking around for hours upon hours, not wanting to be anywhere else in the world but where I was. Always deeply cared for by everyone around me - feeling for the first time that people could see me for who I wanted to become and grow into and not for who I had been. Always discovering new things everywhere. Always in the comfort of my Spanish family's home, feeling like I truly belonged. Always lounging on the couch Sunday mornings as blissfully content as can be watching MTV  Top 50 countdown shows and music videos, all while drinking coffee with chocolate chips with some toast with coffee olive oil.

And I want that feeling back. I want to be the Queen of Myself again. And this time I don't want to let it slip away from me. Once that crown's back on my head, I'll fight like hell to keep it there. I know there are bad days and good days, but there's nothing worse than the feeling of not even knowing where your crown is.

 A new month begins in exactly 20 minutes, and so shall begin my new quest. Perspective is key. I cleaned my room, rested up and got rid of my cold and painted my nails gold. :) I'm as ready as I'll ever be! If only this wart would fall off tonight... haha! <3

 XOXO

Day 26: Nerding out about Linguistics

Fridays are good days. I only have two classes and then I'm done. In my 10th grade class I learned more than the kids did, and I was way okay with that. ;) During an activity a kid asked me how to say "aupar" in English. I looked at the teacher I teach the class with with a quizical look, and she answered "to lift up" without a second thought. I continued looking at her, now even more confused, wondering how such a verb could not be in my mental Spanish dictionary. The teacher smiled at me and quickly said, "Well, yes, you can use "levantar" in this situation, but in Spanish we have a verb that specifically means 'to lift up a person,' which is the verb 'aupar.'" Seriously! It's a real word! Haha! How cool is that!?! So, if you need to say, "Can you lift that little kid up?" or "Can you give me a lift? I need to jump the fence!" you use the verb "aupar." Sweet.

The teacher, who is also the French and German teacher of the school and really isn't that much older than me, went on to linguistically nerd out with me while the kids finished their activity in their book. She told me about how each langauge has its own focus. In English, we're really concerned with how something happened - we have a lot of prepositions and emphazise their use. In Spanish, they're really concerned with the exact time something happened. They have a million tenses and different endings for first person, second person, third person, plurals, etc. depending on when something happened. But in German, the language is extremely concerned with the specifics. A single word in german can contain as much information as a whole sentence or two would be able to convey in English. She said there is one singular word for "I go out to party on the weekdays" and a whole separate word for "I go out to party on the weekends" - WOW! SO COOL!!!

Right before it was time for me to leave, I went to her and asked the difference between "bolso" and "bolsa," figuring the question was pretty inane and it would make me look like a bit of an amature Spanish speaker, but realizing I really, truly didn't know the difference. As soon as I asked her she smiled and said, "Very good question!" I thought she was mocking me, until she gave me her answer: "Bolso with an 'o' is used for your personal handbag or purse. That's it. Bolsa with an 'a' is used for all other bags - shopping bags, carry-on bags, etc. It can also be used when you're talking about the stock market." I mean, there's no reason I should have known that. How crazily specific and awesome. The whole way back to Alcala I kept saying to myself, "Oh! It's my purse! Oh! It's my purse!" to make sure I never forget her mini lesson. :)

All this led me to an idea: what if I post a little "Spanish Corner" to my blog every few days about new words or phrases I learn in Castillian Spanish? Something to toy around with...

Anyway, by the time I headed home, it had become pretty clear that I was developing a cold and I was all sniffles. Five hours of class didn't help, either. I came right home and played around on the computer before conking out. :)

XOXO

Day 25: Cupcake Madrid

Week three and school's finally not a drag. I'm getting to know the teachers a little better, I'm getting less embarrassed to totally mess up in Spanish while talking to them (partly because they have to speak only English to me when kids are around and I know their English isn't perfect, either!), and I'm not wanting the kids to like me so much as wanting to teach them something - anything. Today, for example, I had 3rd year ESO - which is about the same age as high school Freshman. There are only seven of them, so they are totally timid and quiet and very annoying. I try to ask them a simple question (e.g. what's your favorite song!?) and they just stare at me. They understand, they just refuse to communicate. They're not even the type of class that will answer amongst themselves in Spanish and then not say it in English. They are pretty much just mutes.

Anyway, today I entered their room armed with an activity to make them simulate shopping on the streets of any English speaking city. I gave them the cards for the activity and explained it and told them to begin. And of course they just stared at me. Like, HELLOOO? The first graders are seriously way more clever than these people. After a five minute delay, they began the activity. It went ALRIGHT but it was pretty lackluster. So forgetting about the book exercises I'd been told they needed to prepare for their upcoming test, I told them this was ridiculous and nobody shops like that. I told them shopping in a foreign language is actually a little scary 'cause people come at you out of nowhere asking you questions that you can't understand.

My solution? I made them come up one at a time and pretend to enter my clothing store (their chapter was on clothes, so we SORTA covered what was to be on their test - haha). I was as animated as possible and talked as fast as I could to trip them up. They all actually handled it surprisingly well and laughed when I made a joke. The teacher in the room even looked amused and seemed to think it was a very good idea to make them actually try for a change.

There's this quote I found on Pinterest that says "It's not who you are that holds you back; it's who you think you aren't." This morning I was told that I was probably "making a much bigger impression than I might think." Hearing that made me wonder what would happen if instead of going to that school, thinking every morning how I had no idea what I was doing, but instead thinking to myself that I was actually pretty decent at this teaching business? I tried it today and it really seemed to work out. In the third grade class, I taught them the population of both Spain and America. I taught them the top five most visited states and what they have in them to visit and where they are on the map. I taught them how old America is compared to Spain. I taught them the weather differences in the Continental US. And afterwards, after I'd given them lots of time to color and just have fun with their maps, I quizzed them with the incentive of stickers. They could tell me more than I'd even taught them! It was totally impressive. I realized the other day there was that one psychological study showing that if you treat kids like they're smarter than you think they might actually be, often times they'll simply rise to your expectations. I need to keep that in mind.

Yesterday, with the two kids I tutor after school, I finally gave in and just let them play whatever game they wanted in their room. At the end, the girl came and played with the boy. They were playing lego soccer, or something like it, and every time the ball would switch sides, I'd grab it and have them go over all the soccer / game playing vocabulary. They got pretty good at it pretty quickly 'cause they wanted to keep playing and they wanted their ball back already. Haha!

Anyway, what really propelled me through the day was knowing that as soon as the school day was over, I would be taking myself into Madrid for the night! :) I got in my comfy Uggs and hoodie and made for the train station. On my journey I found Cupcake Madrid (It took me only one bite to realize I'd struck cupcake gold. OMG. I will be returning there WEEKLY!), continued my search for perfect fall/winter shoes/boots, bought a pair of olive chords, some nail polish and a really cute pink and mint umbrella (it's all rainy! what!?).

 

I finished the evening with my favorite pizza and a can of Fanta and was back on the train in no time. Tonight was the first night that I was in Madrid and just stopped and looked up and around me. All the beautiful buildings and lights and architecture and everything... it's just exquisite. Sometimes I feel like this adventure is way more overwhelming than I'd signed up for, but tonight I had a glint of that "omgimactuallylivingineurope" feeling of wonder, gratitude and incredulousness. I practically live for that feeling! <3

Still, so glad tomorrow's Friday, EVEN THOUGH:
1) I have 15 hours of classes between Friday and Saturday again.
2) My wart, since the doctor froze it on Tuesday, looks like the black plague, leprosy and a hint of herpes has simultaneously attacked it and left my nose a gothic version of Ruldolph. It's way gross. Poor students keep asking what happened to me. >_< Yuck. I'm so hoping that it falls off soon so I can go out and have fun with PEOPLE and not just by myself, telling myself that I'll never see these people again anyway, so who cares how petrifying I look.

XOXO

Day 24: A good day - finally!

Today was my first day here in which I actually felt comfortable. Maybe it was because I said a big, fat EFF YOU to my uncomfortable shoes and just wore my Uggs instead? Whatever triggered it, it was delightful.

While alone in the teacher's office, working on my online Master's course, a teacher came in, said the usual "Hola" and left with a "Hasta Luego." Two minutes later, he was back in the office and saying, "Hola" again. I must have either given him a weird look or just giggled and kept doing what I was doing, because he broke out into a song and a dance, to the tune of Britney Spears' "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and sang, "Hello Hello One More Time!" And just as soon as his song and dance began, he was back out the door with the notebooks he'd forgotten.

I was talking to a friend the other day about it and we were giggling about how, as students, we'd always held teachers to be super-human, but once we became teachers ourselves, we quickly realized they were just like the rest of us. I know this shouldn't be shocking... but it TOTALLY is. Every day there is SOME teacher talking shit about SOME student. Every day SOME teacher says they're really rather be sleeping than be at school. One teacher told me she thought religion was a waste of time and couldn't believe she had to teach it to these poor kids. :) And today's crazy dance/song moment just sealed it for me - teachers are people... really amusing people who seem like they should "know better" but - thankfully - do not and are hilarious at some points.

The cutest part of teaching today was definitely when I got to teach my favorite teacher's 1st grade class how to say their names in English. They all were so enchanted by it and it was way adorable. :oD Another teacher also gave me free reign today and it was a nice adventure. I had the students write a letter to my cat in America about themselves and asking her questions. One turd just wrote "miau miau miau" and I wanted to slap the crap out of him... but the others did a good job. :)

I totally see why nuns used to beat students up. If only Spain were still that Catholic. ;)

After school was tutoring with the two kids - which actually didn't suck today! I let each of them pick a game and said we could only say it if we practiced English. For the first time I wasn't worried about how much English they were speaking (goose egg), but instead was narrating just about everything in basic English. By the end of our time they didn't want me to go and were actually volunteering some things in English without me prompting them. Might be a breakthrough. We'll see...

Also! At lunch I had a teacher come up to me (one I don't work with) and ask if I'd be interested in having private lessons with her 6 year old twice a week. She was wearing my dream pair of mint jeans and so I was already going to agree to whatever she asked me! ;) She said that she was shy growing up, like her son is now, and wants him to have  chance to really learn English, instead of end up like her. She wants me to come over and just play games with him, but only using English. I think without the pressure of parents being around, and with the kid already in one of my classes, it might actually work out. He already would see me as an authority figure, and I know where his classmates' levels are at, so I wouldn't have to guess. She said I had the weekend to think of a price, etc., so I think I'll highball it to make up for lowballing it with the other two I tutor. HA.

On the way home I stopped and purchased some cute, cheap black heels for my black skirt (I have no black shoes - this always happens to me!!), an umbrella (it's starting to rain, what!?) and took a stroll by the Taste of America store and totally ended up buying a can of A&W Root Beer and a bottle of ranch dressing for those garbanzo beans I bought the other day. :oD So weird Caesar dressing exists here but not Ranch. Wtf, Spain!?

Home life with the roomies continues to be ducky - except for the fact one is bailing on the program and moving out this weekend - WHAT!?!?!? - and I feel really grateful to have ended up living here and with them. <3 For the past few nights Abby has shared her bottle of wine with me, and right before bed tonight, we had a discussion about Daria and Jane totally being lesbians. :) Haha. I really like living with Abby. I never thought I would be able to stand having a roomie, but I feel like we're really well matched. We both stay on our computers 'til really late at night. We both like our French doors open to the balcony for a breeze. She's super quiet when she gets up (quieter than me for sure!) and we always ask if we can turn a light off/on, etc. I like being able to tell her my stories from the day, and hear about hers, as well.

Laura wrote to say her grandiose dream of coming to visit was squashed by her mom, so I'm thinking I'll go to Granada in a few weekends with Abby and her friend to check it out and see the Alhambra. :oD Excited!

All in all, actually a really decent day. YAY!
XOXO

Day 23: Bye bye Wart, Hello Laura!

Sometimes, all lit takes is waking up, feeling the chilly breeze, and knowing today's the day. Today's the day you finally get to wear that new, adorable outfit you purchased back when it was so hot you felt like you were going to melt into the sidewalk. I put on my favorite jeans, my cute brown boots and ceremoniously removed the Bershka tags from my new, uber classy sweater and put it over my head. It was even more amazing that I had remembered it being when I tried it on just before purchasing it. It had been one of my first purchases in Spain since the "I will only buy clothing that makes me feel as confident and attractive as that woman in the Corte Ingles commercials looks" epiphany and I was almost irrationally excited to see what the day would bring with such an outfit on.

As I ran to the bus stop, I looked in the reflection of a store window at myself, and realized I'd totally forgotten how low the back of the sweater hung and that you could totally see my tattoo. >_< I had no time to run back for a scarf, so all day long I had to scrunch the poor, adorable sweater around my neck when I went to turn to write on the chalk board or go around the room to look at people's assignments. OOPSIES! Haha. At least nobody said anything - and other than that little issue, the outfit was as lovely as I'd hoped it'd be - and made me feel a little more confident, to boot.

Anyway, school was fine. I was told that the primary teachers had had their first meeting with their director and that they had told her I was doing a very good job so far in teaching the younger kids about the US and providing them with activities that interested them and held their attention. I was told they were proud to bring home their American flags last week to their families to tell them about it (and me) and that the classes had been asking when I'd be back this week for the next project. A third grade class even got out of their seats and crouched down on the ground and started moving their arms as if to "praise me" and chanted my name. It was actually really weird... and I didn't know whether to be flattered or petrified... nor did I know how to stop them. The teacher had quite the look on her face when she walked into that room... hahaha.

It is cute how the kids greet me in English in the hallways and hardly ever Spanish. You can tell they have to think about it - and I have to remember not to respond in Spanish. But I swear I feel like Hannah Montana walking those hallways sometimes with all the waves and smiles and whispers. I'm not sure what's so enchanting about me at this point... I can be way more interesting and funny and friendly and cool, etc. ... but I guess they have low standards or something. ;)

Actually, I asked about Bill (the intern last year) today and was told by the two primary teachers that he was an absolute disaster. Haha. That he'd never once prepared anything for any class and that when asked to read, he would read so quickly that nobody could ever understand a thing he said. Glad I don't have big shoes to fill, I guess. ;)

After school I went to my doctor appointment. I gotta say, I felt like a BAMF making the appointment, and a TOTAL BAMF showing up for the appointment and understanding 98% of what the doctor said. I had to check in at the front desk and then find room number 14 and wait with a number in my hand. Next to me was a boy with his parents who were grilling him on his English vocabulary list. It was cute to listen to, but I think they thought my smiles were creepy, so I grabbed a Spanish gossip magazine and got to reading. A little while later it seemed to be my turn (nobody every called out numbers, so I'm not sure how anyone knew it was their turn, but finally the doctor smiled at me when he opened his door for the millionth time to see a patient, and so I jumped right up). He asked me to sit down and asked why I was there. I told him and he asked a few questions. He said it was no problem and he would freeze it off right then and there. He then asked if I was from England (cute) and what I was doing in Spain. He said I'd have to come back in two weeks to have him look it over and freeze it a little bit again after it falls off, to make sure the virus is totally dead and doesn't resurrect itself like it did the past few times. >_< He checked his calendar and said actually, in two weeks it was an Alcala festival, to celebrate Cervantes' birthday - but if you asked him, Cervantes wasn't even born in Alcala... and certainly not on that day! Haha!! He was super nice and told me when to come back and that I didn't need an appointment - he'd just look for me in the waiting room to check out the progress real quick. YAY!

After I tried, but failed, to find cute black boots for this chilly weather outside, I came home to a kitchen table full of roomies planning trips and inviting me along! It was so adorable! :oD I don't think I've ever felt so included in a group! I talked to Katie about Bilbao in October and to Abby about Granada, then I started talking to my friend from college, Laura, online. We talked for over an hour - for the first time in well over a year, really - and made tentative plans for her to come see me in TWO WEEKS over my three day weekend!!! ^_^ I would be SO excited if I could show Madrid to a jet-set, wanderlust kindred spirit! I'd take her all over and find her little glass animals for her collection and we'd have a serious hoot together. :oD She is going to work on flights, getting shifts covered, etc. and talk to her mom... so I'm trying not to get my hopes up... but if it works out, I will be soooo happy! She's traveled all over and has the same passion for it as I do. Plus she loves cutesy, girly things and shopping and cupcakes and just hanging out or going on an adventure... so I'm pretty sure we'd be perfect explorers together... haha.

And that was my day! No crisis! No crying! No ohmygodwhatamidoingwithmylife moments! I know I was only two days in a deep, dark hole - but man did they feel like they lasted for forever and a half.

XOXO

Day 22: A conversation with myself

SCHOOL:
Tonight we were exchanging info on what we'd been teaching our young students these past few weeks. The girls said they'd been teaching them opposites and school supply vocabulary and reading time. I said last week mine all made an American flag, learned that there were 50 states and 13 original "baby" states for the 50 stars and 13 stripes. They learned that Spain's flag is red and yellow and that the US's flag is red, white and blue. And this week? I had no idea what I would teach until I walked into the classroom and heard all the kids asking if they got to have me in their classroom. I was dreading it. I kept my head down in the hallway, but once I got to the first primary class, their big smiles and waves and asking if they got to be with me today and telling me that my hair looked beautiful today... it all made me calm down. It made me start to shift my perspective - if even just a tiny bit.

I pulled out some maps and told them it was map week. They all got excited. I asked if any of them had traveled to the USA and showed the class where their classmates had been. I told them to color in the map in anyway they wanted. I showed them how Spain is about the size of Texas and how Spain has 47 million people while the USA has over 311 million people. They were actually interested to learn about it. And began coloring in each state with a different color and reading the names and looking at the pictures.

So in two hour long classes with 5-8 year olds, we've covered the US Flag, the US Map and Spain vs. the US population and size wise. Compared to what I've been hearing from other people in my group teaching the same age range, I actually don't suck at being a teacher. And this is surprising news, considering I feel like I have no clue what I'm doing whatsoever.

In my mind, the grammar and the vocabulary and everything else will come in time, but the most important thing is getting little kids interested in exploring their world. Motivation. I remember one of the first French classes I had at the age of 15. We learned about what French people have at cafes. And I was instantly enchanted. I wanted to go to the streets of Paris to sip on their orange drink and feast on a croissant. And so I started studying French as earnestly as I could.

I want to do something similar for these kids. I want them to see America as an adventure and to see learning English as more or less a game. I don't know how to impliment these desires, but I guess I'm not totally starting off incorrectly.

After school it was tutoring time. I put words on sticky notes and tried to get the two kids to form questions and statements about age. It didn't work, but the girl said she really liked the game and could we do it next week. It's the most interest I've gotten out of her, so I guess it wasn't a complete fail of a session after all.

TEACHERS:
At lunch Sara glanced over at me and gasped. "What happened!?" she asked, with wide eyes. She scooted her tray closer to mine and moved over a seat. For having known the woman for two weeks, her ability to see that something was seriously up and her geniune concern and interest were amazing. <3

 As the teachers were headed back to pick up the kids from recess, one of my favorite teachers to speak English with stopped to ask how my weekend had been. She told me she was going to religion class next, and that she hated teaching it because she wasn't religious herself and didn't believe any of it. She went on to say that she had to teach about creationism and nature and just wanted to tell the kids that if they didn't respect nature God would send them to hell. Hahaha. Her bluntness was absolutely hilarious. People that can be witty in English when it's not their first language get infinite brownie points with me. I wish I could be half that intelligent and quick-witted in Spanish!

AFTER SCHOOL:
Between being dropped off by the school bus and heading over to my tutoring session with the two kids, I sat on a bench in the sun and began conversation with myself. Usually not eating for 24 hours is a pretty good sign it's time to cut the crap with myself and listen. And what I heard made me smile. Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming an adult, and in doing so, write the little girl inside of me off as being too idealistic to understand anymore. Boy had that poor little girl been told to shut up for a long while. I felt weight falling from my shoulders as I listened to her telling me to please start living again. Last night I watched West Coast Swing videos for almost an hour and it reminded me of what it feels like when I'm passionate about something I'm confident in. Step by step - not by punishing myself, but by cultivating myself. <3

XOXO

Day 20/21: Luxuriating in the Pool of Self-Deprecation

I almost always look down on people with Homesickness who are abroad. I think they're pansies. I think they're ridiculous. I think they're ungrateful.

And then it happened to me.

I'm sure the 11 hours of class on Saturday didn't help, either.

Today it rained. It's the first time I've seen and smelled and felt rain since the nine month Reign of Rain in Portland this past year. And as odd as this is, experiencing the rain - the one thing I absolutely hated about Portland - made me miss it. So much. <3 It made me miss my favorite, cozy blanket bear snuggles. It made me miss delivery pizza with pineapples and mushrooms from Bellagios. It made me miss the cheap movie theaters that serve alcohol and pizza. It made me miss the wide variety of yummy restaurants all over town. It made me miss the backyard forest. It even made me miss Moxie's sunroof leaking constantly!

I know last summer wasn't a dream - I have a whole blog full of quips and photos to prove it. I know I was in love with the language, the people, the culture, the stores, the TV shows, the public transportation, the shops, the siestas... everything. But just as I think I'm getting close to discovering even a tiny bit of love for Spain again, something inside of me pulls on my dress and tells me I'm in the wrong place and I've messed up horribly. That I wasn't supposed to come back. I was supposed to go somewhere else. Be someone else.

When Abby came into our room while I was writing this entry, she saw me crying and asked what was wrong. It was nice to have someone to talk to and just listen. Someone who doesn't know me from before three weeks ago. We agreed we both felt like we weren't giving our experience a fair chance. That we needed to find a way to be happier and proactive. She started looking for rugby teams in Madrid. I started looking for West Coast Swing groups in Madrid. :) It was cute.

I was expecting that returning to Madrid would be easy. I had been waiting to come back since before I even got on the plane headed back to America last August. I didn't know it would take bravery. I had no idea how lost I would feel. How nauseously homesick I'd feel. What I really didn't know was how much I'd been punishing myself since I left. And how it would only get worse when I returned. Ever since the plane landed in Madrid, I haven't felt like I've deserved any amount of happiness. I'm trying to make everyone else happy and feeling like I'm totally failing. And the more I try, the more I fail, and the less I think I deserve my own love and the more I try, and the more I fail, until I just want to crawl under the bed and come out in December on the day break starts. What a mess. >_<

And so the goal for this week is going to be to try to begin loving myself again. And it makes me cry to think how hard that's going to be. I need to give this teaching thing a chance. I need to give myself permission to be happy. I need to acknowledge just how very much I'm loved and stop feeling like I don't deserve a speck of it. Because the truth is, this self-indulgent feeling of being so very disappointed in myself isn't going to get me anywhere.

Tonight I was reminded that the person who can do the most good is the person who loves themselves first. No wonder I've felt like I've been nothing but a useless blob since I got here. >_<

I told myself I had 'til October 1st to fall apart and back together again. Today was my last day of luxuriating in the pool of self-deprecation. I've been expecting so much from myself and feeling like I've been falling so short. I'm long overdue for a gentle conversation with myself. I have a lot of work to do this week - and I'm not even talking about all the classes I have to plan and teach that I've been too down all weekend long to do nor about all the Master's classwork online I start tomorrow! But, when I think about it, I've done far crazier things before and succeeded like aBAMF.

I am right where I'm supposed to be. I am loved for who I am. It's okay not to be perfect. I deserve happiness.
*repeats until I start to believe it*

XOXO

Day 19: TTMadrid & SIM Card!

Thursdays are a pretty wonderful day of the work week, as I only have three classes and don't have to show up to the school 'til 12:15. But Fridays? Fridays I only have a class of 2nd graders and a class of Sophomores and I'm out by 1:15! Oh yeah!

Today I used the opportunity of extra afternoon time to (wo)man up and embark on the Adventure of Removing Mr. Nose Wart & Co. Yesterday's successful foray into the use of the Spanish language to ask for a facial defuzzing session definitely gave me a little boost of confidence for today's mission. I looked up the nearest dermatologist in my insurance booklet. I walked there using nothing but my brain for a GPS devise. I entered the building using my best "Oh, it's cool - I know what I'M doing!" posture, but after wandering around a snaking waiting room/hallway corridor thing, quickly returned to the front and waited for the receptionists to get off the phone. Over all, the exchange was successful, though a little nerve-wracking (although, I'm happy to report, I actually didn't mess any words up and she understood me perfectly and I understood her perfectly! whoa!), and I have a Wart Murder Party planned for Tuesday after teaching! WOOHOO!  If all goes as planned, the sucker will be once again off my face (hopefully for more than 6 months this time... rawr)!!

After a victorious walk home and a tasty lunch, it was time for our first Master's class at the Universidad de Alcala. I was delighted to read on my Facebook feed earlier that my teacher would be from TTMadrid's TEFL Institute!

A little background info: When I found out in the mid-spring that I had been placed on the wait-list for this Master's program - a program to which I'd previously been accepted the year before and told to just illegally stay in the country to do the program since I didn't have enough time to obtain my student visa - I was beyond upset. And so I set to finding a better program that would recognize how lovely I was and accept me with open arms. That's when I found TTMadrid. They had the absolute highest rankings for a TEFL (Teach English as a Foreign Language) school and guaranteed jobs to their graduates and had glowing review after glowing review from their alumni. I immediately conacted them and they were super sweet and wonderful. So when I was informed I had finally actually been accepted to the Master's program at the university after all, I really didn't know what to do at first. Master's degree on full scholarship, or a fairly expensive program that has the highest rankings in all of Spain, and some of the highest in Europe, and with a guarantee of a job after graduation? I talked it over with a few close people and decided on the Master's program - I could always do the TTMadrid program later, but a full scholarship Master's degree was a pretty rare opportunity.  And so I made my decision.

So when I read my Facebook feed today and saw that TTMadrid had posted in their status that two of their main teachers were going to teach at the Universidad de Alcala this evening, I was BEYOND excited!!! I quickly wrote them to ask which teacher I would receive and they wrote me right back and said I'd love him!

And indeed I do!

Our teacher this weekend is just wonderful. The class is on English grammar and today in just 4 hours we went over all the tenses in English, their forms and the rules for when to use them. We also had to get into tiny groups and teach one of the tenses for 10 minutes using the activity stratagies he'd been teaching us all of class - he'd point them out as he was using them while teaching us the grammer - very clever! He's really funny and the class is very light-hearted but extremely informative. I see why TTMadrid has received such wonderful reviews and ratings!! I'm really excited that it turns out that they're going to be a huge part of this Master's degree (our final thesis can be based around their theories of teaching TEFL and we can observe six of their classes and then have them observe six classes we give and get one-on-one feedback from their top instructors! OMG!)! Finally one decision I'm seeing I totally made right - who would have guessed my Master's degree would be partially taught by the TTMadrid folks!?! AMAZING!!! ^_^ PLUS their program was a few thousand dollars, and with my scholarship, their TEFL certification is only 250 euro, AND I still get to hold the title of a Master's degree recipient. Spainish Adventure Win #2 (next to this awesome apartment with nice roomies I found after only a few hours here!).

I would say learning that TTMadrid was going to be a crucial part of my Master's classes has been the best thing to happen to me so far in Spain. ^_^ WOOT.

After I got home and had a most wonderful Skype session <3, I heard the doorbell ringing and quickly realized it was my Spanish brother, Jorge, with my SIM card for my cell phone!!! ^_^ 19 days in and I have a real, working, pink SMARTPHONE!!! YAY! The coolest part is, it's unlimited everything - voice, messages, data, internet - for 30 euro per month! WHAT!? I was paying close to $100 in the US for that. Jeeze!! Anyway - I can now txt everyone in the world with a smartphone who has the app called "Whatsapp." So go download it! And after you do, send me an email and I'll add you to my phone! ^_^ YAY!!!

And that's enough excitement for the day. Bed time. Eleven hours of class tomorrow... so glad it's with someone who's a wonderful teacher and is teaching me things I'm truly interested in!! ^_^

XOXO

Day 18: Much Needed Gratitude

I'm going to try something new for the next few blog entries. I'm going to begin them with the top five things I'm grateful for from the day's happenings. Let's see if this helps to start centering me better.

1) The look Sara (one of the teacher's at my colegio) and I exchanged in passing between lunch and classes. It was one of those "omg.wtf.you understand.hi.how'syourday?yeah,minetoo." looks. It made me so happy I almost started to giggle. She invited me to visit her town sometime and have a coffee/beer and hang out a few days ago. It was really sweet and I feel like she actually meant it. When I'm not flustered and in crisis mode, I'm totally going to take her up on the offer.

2) Finding the book I bought and began to read on the train ride home. It's in Spanish and called, "The Green Gel Pen." Sometimes I pick books based on their cover. Other times I pick books based on their title. This was totally one of those times. I read the back cover and it's about a guy who lives the same day over and over again basically without ever actually LIVING, but then gains the power to live the dream he had the night before each day and how it changes his perspective. It's totally what I'm experiencing right now and I'm so excited to read it. Maybe this will be the first book in Spanish I actually finish! I think so. :) I'm underlining all the words I'm not sure of - and there are so many! - but I understand all of it. It's very strange how that works out, but makes me feel good about my Spanish reading comprehension!

3) Having that moment today, for the first time of this trip, when I was listening to someone talking to me and realized afterwords I didn't know whether they had been talking to me in Spanish or English. :) It's a great feeling. I also starting actually understanding some of the lunch gossip today, which was also exciting, as it's been way too fast and colloquial for me to grasp the past two weeks, but I've certainly been trying.

4) Getting to sleep in until 9:30! I love Thursday mornings. :)

5) Mustering the courage to make myself enter a beauty salon and get my face defuzzed. It's a really daunting task in a foreign language, and I'm really proud of myself after three days of telling myself I would, but then chickening out, I finally did it. :)

Today was my sleep in day, followed by a few classes, then defuzzing, then going to Madrid for Rock the Vote - an American party at the big club, Kapital. But I was refused admission because I hadn't printed out my proof of registration. :-/ I was actually pretty bummed about it, but told myself that there was no better place to be turned down than in the middle of Madrid, so I strolled past the Prado, up Calle de las Huertas, over to Calle Principe, through a bunch of plazas, over to Mercado San Miguel, to Plaza Mayor, up through Sol and over to Gran Via (where I had that delicious pizza again! yummmy!), metro to Sol (to go book hunting - I realized phone solitaire is taking over my life and isn't going to improve my Spanish) and back to Alcala. It was a nice stroll, but strolling for hours and hours alone kinda got tiresome, (and it made me sad to realize the thing I loved doing more than anything in the world now only makes me mildly blissful... :-/) and I was happy to come home to Abby and Katie sitting on the couch, excited to see me and tell each other all about our days (and our crazy Senora who apparently says we're way too untidy for her - especially my chair full of clean clothes that she can SEE from the street through our window!! HAHA WOW...).

Tomorrow's two classes at the colegio, and then our first day of Master's classes. Yay! Finally something I KNOW I'm good at - studying.

XOXO

Day 17: Passion vs. Teaching: Mutually Exclusive for Chelsea

*warning... rambling train of thought blog... apologies*

While sleep-walking the halls of the colegio again today, I knew I had to just admit it. I know it's only been two weeks, but better to not let myself live in a grand delusion any longer than I necessary. The truth is this: Teaching is not my passion now, nor will it ever be. To be a teacher you must have patience with human beings - young and old alike. To be a teacher, you must be strict and consistent - two things I'm definitely not (and especially not when it comes to children). To be a teacher you must be somewhat outgoing. I realize I'm an Aries, but when that sun sign is going to kick in, I have no idea. For now, I'm content working in an environment that has as few people as possible, save those very clever, talented ones I aspire to be (such a species of human is endangered, but not extinct). To be a teacher you need to be okay with the fact that 75% of class time is just a big waste of everybody's time and you must be satisfied if a third of the group learns a quarter of what you wanted them to learn that day. To be a teacher you must not only be good at self-sacrifice, but be passionate about it. To be a teacher, you must value the future of your students' over that of yourself.

I am far too impatient, anti-social, lenient (or harsh, depending on the situation) and selfish to ever make a halfway decent teacher. To be a teacher, you have to realize that the class isn't going to quiet down after the first time you ask - nor will they after the 24th time you ask, and you have to be more or less okay with this. I am not. I am enraged at this. It makes me want to cuss them all out and tell them to get over their "cutesy" bullsh*t and grow up, because I know they're just trying to get attention. I was a kid not too long ago. I know these things.

I'm not at all upset that I will still be spending my year learning about education, however. A Master's in Bilingual and Multicultural Education is certainly something I plan on displaying in my study when I'm older and putting in my biography on the back flap of my first published book. It sounds good. A year of kicking it in Spain in a wonderful apartment with nice roomies and adventures all around is not a bad trade-off for studying something I suddenly realize I have little interest in, in terms of future career choice. But it does mean I'll need to start brain storming what it is my adult self wants to do come July of 2013. Because I'm sure not going back to my old job and I'm totally done with the food industry, thank you very much.

And this brings us to the pressing question: What am I passionate about?

I know I enjoy traveling. I know I enjoy the challenge of languages. And I know I like to be creative and create. I guess those are passions. But what magic potion do I throw into that mix to create a real career? I looked up a "7 Steps to Finding Your Passion" article and answered the questions, hoping to come closer to an answer...



What puts a smile on your face?
West Coast Swing is the one fool proof thing that always puts a smile on my face. I have to make myself go, but once I'm there I can't help but smile and giggle and have the best time. Other than that, languages, writing, creating, clever people and their witty conversations, traveling, journaling with music in a quiet, secret place.

What do you find easy?
Writing. Learning languages, but not necessarily using them in real life. Being funny without meaning to be.

What sparks your creativity?
Travel. It makes me see things differently and write about things I would have never dreamed to write about. A cute outfit, too, can make me feel a million times more creative and invincible. :)

What would you do for free?
I would love to be the editor of the Free People catalogue - or an artistic director / model / traveling culture consultant to pick out their next photoshoot destination and make the reservations and find the beautiful places and then put together the catalogue with art and photos and clever writing. This would be bliss.

What do you like to talk about?
Travel adventures, for sure. When I first got back from Spain I couldn't shut up about them for months (and even after that, I just started telling new people so I could keep chatting on and on about it!). Also, writing and language and life philosophies.

What makes you unafraid of failure?
Being alone in a foreign city and left to adventure. This makes me feel invincible. Give me a metro map and a base knowledge of the language and I'm ready. I'm always confused by people who say this would scare the shit out of them, because I've never been able to see how you could even "fail" at such a thing? Worst that could happen is a miscommunication or you end up on the incorrect line of public transportation, I suppose?

What would you regret not having tried?
Travel to at least 50 countries. Work in a creative field in which I was respected and admired and loved for being unique and wanderlust.

Honestly, my dream job would be to go to photo-shoots around the world and writing about my experiences abroad for a magazine or catalog, but not just as a correspondent, but as one of the people in charge - like the person who creates the look of the final copy and writes for it and travels for it. I'm not really that good at design, I suppose, but I feel like I could provide the written, jet-set passion and help with design until I really grasped it. Like how Free People does a new photo-shoot with a new theme on-site every month for their elegant, eclectic catalog and how it's a huge part of their branding. Something where I'm part of a bigger thing, but I'm in charge of my portion of it.

There's some quote about how sometimes the key that opens the door to your paradise is the last one you try. I think I'm experiencing something like that. Living in Spain: I got that right. Becoming a teacher: I got that wrong. One step at a time. I feel like I should have my foot in the door somewhere by now and be successful already, but I guess 23 isn't actually that old and going abroad to work on a Master's degree (half in a foreign language) isn't too shabby or embarrassing compared to other people my age... It's just that, growing up, I had this image of my in my early/mid twenties striding along with my teacup yorkie in some exotic city knowing that I am loved, successful and well respected in my field. I guess the only things I'm missing are the yorkie and the field... but 3/5 ain't bad. ;)

I tried the teaching thing. I tried to be a "productive member of society" and help "change the future" and blah blah blah, but it's just not me. I'll leave that job to those of you who are more outgoing and selfless. I'm just not down to spend my life in a classroom where 50% of the time I'm babysitting perfectly capable beings, 40% of the time I'm giving them busy work I think is ridiculous but am told I must give out and 10% actually teaching something - though not being sure if even a third of the class is grasping a fourth of what I'd set out to teach that morning. I've been in classes these past two weeks with a few wonderful teachers, and I'm really grateful to have the opportunity to work with them this year, but I'm just not cut out to be teacher material like they are! o_O I can't tell a kid he can't go to the bathroom because he should have thought of it earlier. I'm that person who doesn't think about the bathroom until it's too late, myself, at times! I can't tell a kid to color their picture better and faster or I'll make them sit there and finish it until the whole class is yelling at them to hurry up so they can go out for recess. I can't yell at a kid for sitting on his chair sideways; those chairs look way uncomfortable and I'm always sitting with my feet underneath me. I can't tell a class I'm very disappointed in their behavior because it just sounds crushing, even if it's true. And because I can't do any of these things, I'd have a bunch of hooligans running around a zoo laughing at me and slapping my butt and trying to look down my shirt and telling me I'm boring and only saying the words "butt" and "poop" and throwing things at me and laughing at me like one of the kids I tutored this evening was doing to me until I picked her up and threw her into her room and closed the door and wished I could have smacked her like a groundhog in that one bop-a-groundhog game at Chuck E. Cheese. Like, seriously. What the hell?

The real issue is this: I want all the kids to be mini mes. I  believe I was a near perfect child to have as a student and I feel all kids should be like I was. I wanted to learn. I was quiet. I was respectful. I was patient. I was attentive. I was creative and clever. Gosh darnit. And I never screamed or threw things or talked back or refused to answer a question or played dumb or slapped a teacher's *ss. I wanted the teacher to ignore the idiots and just teach me. And thus I want to BE the teacher that ignores the dolts and just teaches to the intelligent ones... but then, it seems 95% of teaching is correcting the behavior issues of the most obnoxious and leaving the smart ones to fend for themselves - because at least they're not being so ridiculous you want to slug them.

If I EVER have to use this degree, it's going to be in a gifted and talented middle school, like Challenge. And if any kid gets stupid, I'll just tell them they can leave the school, because it's only for those that care and know how to behave and they're just not good enough.

See?

I would make an awful teacher.

I just can't treat kids like KIDS - I treat them like mini adults, so when they do something ridiculous, I want to blast them like I would a college frat bro.

At this point I'm doing this Master's thing for a reason to stay in Spain... and something cool to put in my obituary in 70 years. ;) HA.

RAWR.
I feel better after that rant.
So sorry.

In POSITIVE NEWS:

1) Today was my first mini payday, so it means I've officially been paid for work I've done in euros! YAY!
2) I made sweet and sour chicken tempura for dinner with a sushi cucumber salad. It was delicious and my roomie, Katie, called me the "Carrefour Whisperer" because I'm always finding the weird, international, delicious ingredients in the weird corners and aisles that nobody else can find or even think to look for. :) Hell yes.
3) I wandered into the new store in Alcala called "Taste of America," where they sell AMERICAN food that AMERICANS crave but don't know why. Today I bought COTTON CANDY BUBBLICIOUS GUM (OMG!!!! - I haven't seen THAT in the US for years!!) and Mint Milanos (omg yummy!!!). The Milanos were only 3 euro, which is funny, because that's practically cheaper than they are at home... o_O *score* It was cute to see Spaniards in there asking each other what the hell most of the things were in the store. Aww... welcome to our world when we go to your grocery store. ;)
4) I was told that the two extra hours I will be working starting in October will not be paid because they are "voluntary" but that should I chose not to volunteer to teach the courses (during half of my lunch break), then I will no longer be entitiled to free meals and free transportation to and from school. o_O SOMEBODY needs to look up the meaning of "voluntary" it seems... Hahaha. Abby and I had a good shit-talking about this, and it made me feel much better. :)
5) Jorge sent me an email and my official day of phone service shall be Friday! YAY!

XOXO

Day 16: Eff This - I'm Going to Madrid!

I spent an hour of my lunch break hiding in the lady's restroom, playing solitaire on my phone.

Aaaand that about sums up my work day. ;) Hahaha.

Monday and Tuesdays are the two days of the week in which my schedule is completely full with classes. And so with only a communal breakfast break and a communal lunch break, finding "me" time to not be around crazy children or ridiculously friendly teachers gossiping about the crazy children in Spanish so quickly that I can only get the kid's name, but not what stupid thing they did this time (omg it's SO FRUSTRATING) is near impossible. And "me" time is really a necessity when having five classes in a row... I mean, the classes themselves aren't so bad, but let's be real: Each grade definitely comes with its difficulties:

1) For 1-3 grade I have to do the whole lesson myself -- and it never seems to go how I plan it will... at all. Today I had a class plan all prepared and we got to and almost completed ONE BULLET POINT of my nine bullet pointed list... wtf? Yes, it literally took ONE HOUR to say "50 stars equal 50 states and 13 stripes equal 13 original states from when the US was a baby country" (YOU try explaining what a colony is to a bunch of 6 year olds who don't understand a word of English) and then to color half a sheet of paper red and blue and cut it out, paste it and put a straw on it. How!!?!? And the best part was the 1st graders still probably can't tell you which country the flag they made today is from. Not even in Spanish! One girl game up to me and asked why weren't they coloring the Spanish flag. Uh... o_O I'm pretty sure I was a WAY more adorable 1st grader than these fools... just say'n... plus I swear I could color tons faster... RAWR. ;)

2) For 4th grade I just have to sit there and listen to the teacher's tell the students to do their book activities because clearly they have planned nothing actually interesting for the class period and I get to be the one who reads the answers, because that way they don't have to look in the teacher's answer guide and can sit there. I don't feel like language was ever taught via a book every single day to me? If it was, I did a great job of blocking it out.

3) For 5-7th grades I am the guinea pig teacher for some new project they are introducing in the school called Enterprise without Boarders. Nobody really seems to know what this is and finally after school today I was given a 20 page booklet of teacher information - but it turned out to mostly be about how to use their website to complete all parts of the project yourself for your students. o_O It was explained to the kids that they will be divided in groups and create their own "company" in which they'll have to come up with a product to make themselves that is original and unique and they will sell it in March when the school has their annual "race" (which I guess culminates in a party or something?) Kids were coming up with hand made greeting cards, newspapers, cupcakes, bracelets, etc. Or, at least, those were the good, plausible ideas. Others were thinking along the lines of cars, backpacks and florescent light bulbs (??????)... yeah, I don't know, either?? Anyway, after glancing over this booklet of information, it looks like the project is waaaaaay more complicated than that. Apparently they're supposed to sell MANY items and do so THROUGHOUT the year ONLINE with their own website and get REAL COMPANIES to DONATE supplies to create the items they sell and to create ALLIANCES with other "kid companies" throughout the WORLD - and ALL of this should be done strictly in ENGLISH.

O_O ARE YOU SERIOUS??????

This sounds more like an activity for your Senior Year Thesis - or maybe even something done in a class for International Business majors in COLLEGE. Not 10-13 year olds who aren't even completely comfortable with English yet. The whole thing sounds completely ridiculous and like the teachers will end up doing 90% of it all and the students will think it's a stupid waste of time and stop caring after - oh, wait, they stopped caring about 20 minutes into class today - and our "native English speaker time" will be wasted with them. Jeesh.

4) The 9th and 10th graders have two people per class that clearly understand me very well and are excited to learn and show off their skills, while the rest of the students couldn't give less of a sh*t that I'm there and that English exists as a language. Cool.

5) The 11th grade class is my favorite. Probably because they were the first class I spent two whole days with and I feel like they're my "home class." Probably also because we bonded over dubstep. Probably also because my internship director teaches that class and she's very chill and nice. Probably seriously because they actually speak English and actually are interested in the language and culture 'cause their friends have been partying it up in the US (mostly Miami it seems) and they want to be next. ;)

6) The 12th grade class is a joke because I've only ever heard them speak one sentence in English each (introductions) and other than that it's their free-for-all period when they can just hang out - and they talk so fast and with so many colloquialisms, that I have absolutely no idea what they're going on about so loudly for an hour and I try to make sure I bring something to pretend to work on while I'm in their class. Next week, after my Master's program starts, I'll just bring my laptop and use it as MY free-for-all period, too! ;o)

Yes, yes... I know... it's only the beginning of my second week at the school and it takes time to get used to new people, in a new language, teaching something you've never seriously taught before, to an audience who probably doesn't even understand you... but still. I've been let loose in this zoo and have no guide whatsoever. I can see everything that's wrong but I have no idea how to make or do things right. o_O I thought teaching was 95% teaching but it turns out to be more like 15% teaching, 50% circus ring-leadering and 35% wanting to just stare at the kids and say "What is wrong with you???" and bop them. No wonder I only learned stuff in Challenge School and DUHS. Those were the only schools were each student was seriously screened before being allowed to attend.

The most annoying part is how it seems the good kids who seriously want to learn are the ones who get reprimanded half the time. I would yell "TEACHER!" too if some idiot was getting all the attention for being obnoxious and I was being totally ignored when I was doing everything right. Ugh.

It's like I want to put them all in their place, but then I realize, it seems no one really knows how to do that, or it'd already be done... I think? All I know is I thought I could do way better and I was left alone with a class for 10 minutes and in that period of time, I totally misread and activity and had the kids do something really simple and pointless and then when I tried to threaten them to quiet down or do something silly (I wanted to say embarassing, but it would have translated to them as "pregnant" - oh, Spanish), one boy said he loved being silly and refused to be quiet until he could do something to make everyone laugh, at which point he jumped out of his seat and started to attempt an 8 year-old's version of break dancing/epileptic seizure on the floor. o_O What is wrong with some of these kids...?

Just as I was starting to think it wouldn't be the end of the world if I had a boy...

Not that the girls always make sense or behave, either... but at least they're cuter.

The good part of the day was I had a 9 year old girl compliment my Target boots and a 10 year old boy compliment my Citizens of Humanity flower printed jeans. Good taste kids, good taste. ;)

As soon as I got on the bus to go back home, I was determined I would not waste my only night of the week off, and so I resolved to drop my school stuff off at home and head straight for the train station.

Brilliant idea.

A little Atocha, Gran Via, Fuencarral, Callao and Sol was EXACTLY what I needed to get myself back in my oh-so-perky ILOVESPAIN! mindset. ;) I got some much needed sunglasses (how did I not pack any?) and a much needed belt (epiphany - wear pants that are a little big with the help of a belt, rather than pants that are too small the suffocate you and make you feel fat). The belt was courtesey of the 5th floor of the Callao Desigual - the OUTLET floor - OH YEAH! It's black with the word "Desigual" written in studs across the hip - way adorable, not to mention way on sale! ;)

I also got a sweater for fall (not that fall is here yet... I'm told that happens in mid-Octoberish), but all the summer clothes are picked through and all the fall clothes look so crisp and seductive, and I know the only long sleeved shirts I have are ALL hoodies... and I'm clearly not wearing a hoodie to work (damn). I picked this particular sweater for a reason, 'cause, uh, you see...

Well, there's this commercial airing in Spain right now. It's for El Corte Ingles - which is sort of like a crazy big department store of everything. I suppose it's like Nordstrom's meets Target - it feels chic and rather classy, but they also sell just about EVERYTHING and is giant (like, way bigger than Target - floors and floors and buildings and buildings of everything). Anyway, while I've been lazying around on my Spanish Family's couch the past few Sundays, I've been seeing this commercial and falling more and more in love with it. The music is so elegant and pretty and the woman is just so CONFIDENT looking and GORGEOUS. Like, tenacious and fearless and beautiful and alluring and SO EUROPEAN looking. *contented sigh*

And so after the millionth time of drooling over this commercial I made a decision: From this day forward, I will only buy clothing that makes me feel as gorgeous and confident and chic as this woman in the commercial looks. Seriously. I have enough PINK sweat pants and random hoodies and VS/Forever 21 tank tops to go to college for the next decade and never look out of place. It's time to start feeling a little more... sophisticated. To start radiating that chic, fearless Spanish woman vibe.

This sweater, this shall be one of my inaugural pieces into this new wardrobe. The first day it gets a little nippy, this sweater will be draping effortlessly around my little figure and I will feel like I can kick some serious ass.

~*~

On a non-sequitor side note, a couple Spainish observations I've been meaning to write down:

1) You must greet each person when they come in a room and say good bye to them when they leave a room. The teacher's room is a constant song of "Hola! Hasta luego! Hola! Hola! Hasta luego! Ciao! Que tal! Hola! Hasta luego!" At first it was really adorable and I thought they were just being nice. But no - it's a cultural thing, and it's starting to drive me a little batshit. I remember when people at the International Co-op used to do it and I quickly quashed their habit because it annoyed me so much. Can't quash a culture while living in their country, though (unless you're a foreigner in the USA - and then, by all means, tell us how we should respect your culture instead of our own.... *ahem*), darn.

2) I kept thinking people were really bad at walking on sidewalks when approaching each other from oposite directions. In fact, it turns out that they're fine and it and I'm the crazy one. In Spain you pass people on the LEFT if you're in a on-coming pedestrian vs. on-coming pedestrian situation. This, of course, makes no sense, as cars are driven on the RIGHT side of the road here just like they are in America... but they don't seem to get the logic. And so until I can explain that we're not in the UK or in South America or anywhere else where driving on the left side of the road is considered acceptable, and thus walking past people on the left side would make logical sense... I'll just have to keep reminding myself each and every time to do the really uncomfortable thing and step to the left. So strange.
XOXO

Day 15: Monday. Enough Said.

I tried to wake up in a good mood.
I ran to the bus in a good mood.
I went to my first class in a good mood.
I left my last class in a good mood.
I went to the house of the children I am to tutor in a good mood.

But at some point around there, I lost the good mood and thought to myself, "What have I gotten myself into?"

The only word 5 year old Marta wanted to learn was "Poop."
The only word 7 year old Carlos cared to pay attention to was "Soccer."

I give Marta credit - she understood 75% of what I said only in English for 45 minutes. Or, at least, she followed the directions really well if she was just interpreting my gestures. Carlos, on the other hand, couldn't have seemed less interested. Marta kept bursting through his door asking if I was going to come back tomorrow to give her and her teddy bear more classes. Carlos looked at his toy cars and puzzles longingly and wished I would get out of his room already.

Both were jumpy, distracted at times, and refused to speak English. I mean, they're young... okay... but still. The kids in my school are SO disciplined. And now I know why. Their teachers are SO STRICT. Today I brought in a US Flag coloring project for the 2nd graders. When the first three kids finished, the teacher asked them to bring it up to her. She tore each one to pieces, saying their coloring abilities were seriously lackluster and their ability to stay in the lines abysmal. O_O

Later, in 6th grade, I had a teacher SCREAMING at the students for being lazy and disorganized and messy and noisy and awful. When she handed the class over to me, I quickly figured out why she was being so severe.

Kids don't just come disciplined. They need some serious breaking in, apparently. And Spain's not afraid to dish it out.

I'm not sure I can teach these age groups. If you don't care about the subject matter enough to be respectful, then I rather you just stay in the bathroom the whole class rather than interrupt those who actually care. Seriously. I'm not interested in yelling at kids. If they don't care, that's their own issue. They can go away. I had to put up with so many of those types taking my precious learning time away that I have no patience for them. Shit or get off the pot, kids. I'm not here to corral you like goats.

I've always thought I'd be that cool, friendly teacher. But after today I think I'll be more like Sra. Hinchey - my 6-8th grade Spanish teacher. Every boy said that she favored girls, but really she just favored the students who tried and gave a shit. And if you didn't care about Spanish, she didn't give a flying f*** about you. End of story.

This one kid today would not SHUT UP in Spanish. Finally I said he liked to talk so much in Spanish because he was making up for the fact he couldn't say two words in English. He was 10. I felt victorious when he ceased his noise and proved me right.

I'm in these kids' classrooms for ONE hour a week. If you can't be respectful than I don't have any respect for you.

Jeeze, the Spanish education dogma is rubbing off on me quickly...

It'd be a hilarious joke to try to teach American kids after a year longer here at this strict, private colegio where you get scolded for using the wrong colored pen at the wrong time!!!

It's starting to come back to me now how I always wanted more dolls when I was a little girl so that I could line them all up and pretend to be their school teacher. I got dry erase boards for each doll. I got tape strips for each board demonstrating correct cursive (btw - kids here seem to LEARN TO WRITE using cursive... it's way weird... and they are taught to write their 'p's with no close on the circle... so it looks more like an l that thought about being a r and then got confused... o_O). I gave them grades and corrections on all their assignments.

Maybe I have always been interested in teaching.

But it's one of those things that seems so simple until you do it. I always thought my teachers were just slow, but it turns out it's the kids that are slow. For example, I prepared a plan for my 2nd graders today and out of the 9 things I had planned, they got to ONE of them... and even then couldn't complete it... and then whined when I told them to TAKE IT HOME TO FINISH COLORING IT. Are you serious!?!?!? o_O

If I ever return to Colorado, I would like a shot at teaching at Challenge School - where I went to middle school. The gifted and talented environment is clearly the environment in which I need to be teaching. None of this Ineedmorethan30minutestocoloraflag bullshit. No more of this Ican'tshutupfortwoseconds crap.

I see why teachers in Spain yell. Give me one more week and I'll be one of them.

So far, 4th grade is the best grade (though Jr. year in HS isn't bad surprisingly). That's the grade my mom taught. That's the grade my friends teach. And I can see why. They're actually interested in what you have to say, but they're disciplined enough to be able to retain it.

Anyway - the conclusion is that after 1 week and 1 day, I'm still not sure if I'm really interested in this whole teaching thing. Maybe if I had my own classroom and I could do whatever I wanted with them (haha)... but clearly I need more time to decide.

In positive news, I've been possibly presented with TWO more tutoring jobs outside of school, which would mean more money, but even less time for SANITY. o_O But there IS this really cute dress down the street that I really want... and I'd love to travel somewhere cool sometime in the next month or two... ;o)

XOXO

Day 14: The Day of Rest. The Night of Freaking Out.

My goal for the weekend had been to rest. And boy-oh-boy did I successfully accomplish that!

I set my alarm for 1pm (yes, I had to SET it for the afternoon... because I knew I wouldn't be waking up until late afternoon if left to my own devices), showered and hopped on the bus to my Spanish family's house. I missed my bus stop (as I was just so engrossed in my solitaire game) and the bus drive laughed at me. It irrationally upset me and instead of waiting the five minutes for his break and for him to turn around the bus, I told him I'd just walk. He honked at me as he drove past me as I was still walking home. Ugh.

But an afternoon eating and lounging on the couch watching a movie in Spanish and drinking tea and chocolate shakes with cookies was just what I needed to refuel for the week. At the end of the afternoon Cruz taught Jen (their current American student) and me how to make gazpacho with a hands-on lesson in the kitchen! We felt like we were in the audience of a new Spanish cooking program! Haha. :) Cruz made making gazpacho seem like the easiest thing in the whole wide world and made me feel sort of silly for so royally screwing it up when I'd tried this summer to do it on my own. She put some of it in a to-go container for me to take home for my dinner and I was on my way home.

I spent the evening watching last night's SNL with Abby and attempting to figure out how-oh-how to organize my first tutoring session with my two new students. I have them tomorrow night for the first time ever - 45 minutes a piece - and after four hours of research, still have absolutely NO idea what I'll do with them when I get there. Like, literally. I guess I'll try to have them introduce themselves (if they even can? I have no idea what their level is)... maybe draw a picture of themselves with their friends doing something they like? Then have them try to explain it to me. Then we'll go over the alphabet in English by trying to make the letters first with our bodies, then with our hands (American Sign Language). Then maybe take a look at their science books and see what they don't understand from the past week and look over what they'll see this week? Jeeze, I don't know. All that could take ten minutes or it could take two hours. EEEEEeeeekkkkkk.

At least I have my primary classes prepared and ready to go. First dry-run will be tomorrow's class. We're going to color in the US Flag, Look at a map of the US, and learn the 50 Nifty United States song. :oD We'll see how that turns out... LOL.

It's past midnight and all I know is I'm seriously going to need some beauty sleep if I'm going to have any chance of remotely succeeding tomorrow at teaching 6-8 year olds on my own. o_O I wonder if any of these teachers/parents/kids have any idea that I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing and what I'm getting myself into? Meh. All I know is I'm way sillier and more childish than any of these kids' teachers are... so that has to earn me a few points up front? I hope... ;oP

XOXO

Day 13: *under construction*

After going to bed super late

pizza with roomies

nap

necklace

straws

tempura cucumber

balloons

Day 12: *under construction*

school

drive home – tapas

roommate went nuts!

Found out I got job

shopping

cookies and wine

out

Day 11: Day 'o Dubstep

My blog is feeling under the weather. :-( So I'll make this post short, because I can't post it for a few days...

Thursdays are officially about to be my most favorite day of the work week. Why? Because I'll be able to sleep in 'til 10! I don't have class 'til 12:15, so I can take bus #3, then walk a good 35 minutes to school. It was quite the adventure today, trying to figure out where in the middle of bumblefuck the colegio actual was, but thanks to the bus driver and an older gentleman running on a bike path, I made it there just fine – early, even!

Today was the epic day I got to teach DUBSTEP to the 16 year olds. It was basically awesome. You could tell they were pumped. Score 1 for Profe Chelsea. ;)

A student asked for the name of my blog today and like I dumdum I wrote it on the board. >_< Crap. So now I have to go back and edit previous entries in case they weren't... well, you know... appropriate for people under my tutelage to read? Ha. No, I don't think there's anything bad, just a few comments I made about teachers should probably at least get new aliases for names of teachers. ;) I figure it will be a good way for them to read real English and learn about cultural differences.

Today when a student asked what my blog was about (he remembered from last class on Monday. I was more than impressed. Like Jeese Louise, Sir) I tried to explain it was about culture and traveling, etc. My example entry was the one in which I made the Epic Hello Kitty Toilet Paper Discovery. They all giggled. A lot. Finally breaking the ice almost a week into things. WootWoot!

After school I had my interview with the family to tutor their two children in English. It went well... considering I was so nervous I could barely form a sentence in Spanish... haha. They said they'd for sure hire me and the dad asked if I could tell the other girl that was supposed to come for an interview to forget it (turns out the other girl is my roommate!!)... to which I looked at him and shook my head “no...” The wife said of course that was ridiculous and they'd just have her come. They live really close to my colegio and are both doctors (she even said she'd take my wart off for me!!).

I was pretty happy/nervous/caffeinated by the time I left, but when my roomie got home from her interview hours later, my optimism was rather shattered, as she said it went really well and they said they had no idea which one of us they should choose and didn't want to create tension. o_O Eek. Still no email back from them... and my roomie hasn't said anymore. I'm suspicious they told her yes on the spot and didn't know what they'd say to me so they're putting it off. I really hope not... I could use the extra money (even though I totally low-balled myself) and I think the experience would be lovely. Working one-on-one would be a nice change from my 16 classes full of kids (well, 7-20 kids, anyway). I guess we'll see... but I have a pretty bad feeling about it. :-/ Poo.

Spent the night cleaning and on Pinterest trying to figure out how to decorate our room. I think I'm getting closer! New obsession: Free People DIY Blog. Ha! ;)

XOXO

Day 10: Bad Teacher vs. Good Teacher

I was rudely awoken by a rooster cockadoodledooing right in my ear. It was the most obnoxious ring tone I could find on my new phone and was reserved for the "OH SHIT YOU'RE SO LATE" alarm... but last night I had mixed up the real alarm and the late alarm times and this was my punishment. My alarm on my phone has a feature that makes you do math problems in order to shut it up - but at 7:30 am, with minimal hours of sleep, pissed off by this damn squawking, eyes still blurry and knowing full well this raucous noise had most certainly woken my roomie Abby up, too, I was in NO MOOD to do math problems. I was in the MOOD to violently murder this obnoxious rooster that had interrupted my peaceful slumber and that of my poor roomie, who didn't even have to wake up for another two hours! I fidgeted with the screen, but I was far too upset to know what to do and frantic to turn it off before Abby had no shot at going back to bed. So I tore the battery out of the phone and belly flopped back onto my pillow. UGH.

Needless to say, my day didn't really start off on the right side of the bed...

I sleep-walked to the bus stop, dozed off on the bus ride and mindlessly facebooked for my first period (which I have off on Wednesdays, that is) and had a full fledged mini-personal-crisis in which everything I had ever loved or had a passion for came under fire and I was filled with a churning sense of "whatamIdoinghere" and "thiswasmylastplan...ihavenobackupplanfml" and "studpidteachingandstupidlanguagesandismyblogboringorisitjustmeandwhyismybellysobloatedallthetime" and, scariest of all, "omgthisistherealworldandthisisreallife...wtfhaveigottenmyselfinto???"

As I walked to my first class, I glanced at my reflection in the window and said to myself, "Well, at least you're looking cute today. There's totally something to be proud of there, Sweet Cheeks." I was sure all I would want to do when I got in that classroom would be to pull a massive Cameron Diaz a la "Bad Teacher" and pull some dark sunglasses over my eyes, sneak a shot of strong liquor and tell the kids to watch a movie or something and not to bother me... but much to my surprise, their smiley little full-of-anticipation faces made me melt just a tiny bit. Who woulda guessed...!

My only slip up during that first class (well, one of them anyway) was when they were reviewing present tense in English and nobody could remember to use the 3rd person 's.' I marched up to the board and wrote down the THIRTEEN possible endings for Spanish present verbs and then wrote down the ONE viable option for regular English present verbs. I knew better than to open my mouth but oh how I wanted to shout "ARE YOU SERIOUS? I HAD TO MEMORIZE THIRTEEN ENDINGS FOR YOUR LANGUAGE WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE. YOU REALLY CAN'T TAKE THE TIME TO MEMORIZE ONE???" I went on a small harangue about it to the teacher, but either he didn't understand my ridiculously fast-paced English or he thought I was nuts, because he just looked at me and attempted a half smile and quickly went to the other side of the room to pretend to help students with their exercises. You win some, you lose some. Eh. (Ha.)

The rest of the day went much smoother and I was totally excited to have last period with Laura, as she's just great with the little 1st graders and makes them giggle and really understand what's going on and get really into it all. She's made me the official artist of the group and I get to draw them a new animal at the beginning of each class if they were good earlier in the day. Then she asks them to name the animal and holds a class vote on the first five names suggested. Today's animal? Lily the Sheep. Um, yeah... aDORable. ^_^

During the day I received an email back from the family I had contacted yesterday afternoon who was looking for an English tutor for their two children. They were very enthusiastic about my profile, they said, and wanted to meet me later this week. I have an unofficial interview set up with them for tomorrow after school! I'm excited and mostly nervous - I'm not sure I'm really qualified to teach their kids (but I'll try my darndest!) and I've never done a job interview in SPANISH (but it should be really interesting... and, if nothing else, good experience!). Serendipity in the making? We'll see. All I know is I could certainly use the bit of extra money and a nice thing to add to my resume! ;)

Anyway, after school I finally succeeded in opening a bank account (yippee!!), saw an ad for the school I work in at the mall (so cool!) and got new jewelery for my Monroe piercing (as I was offically informed today that it is in fact NOT congruent with the dress code - figured... sheesh) and, after much trial and error, figured out how to take the new one out and put it back in (I hope it doesn't close tomorrow! Eek! We shall see...). The evening was spent with my fajitas I made yesterday (omg yum), and chilling in front of the TV with my laptop and giggling with my roomies about our unique experiences from the day (Katie totally wins with the pic she brought home from the doctor... omg hahaha... but I feel bad publishing the story for the internet to read... perhaps another time - and with a good pseudonym!!). Finally, a nice, relaxing night at home with next to no stress. Ahhhh. :)

XOXO

Day 9: Cute Kids, Nice Teachers and Hello Kitty Toilet Paper

I was so elated when I was handed my schedule as soon as I arrived at the colegio this morning. Observing classes was getting way dull - especially since they classes were taught in Spanish and all the students spoke a million words per second in Spanish. Ironic, isn't it, the one place in Spain I've had a 5% comprehension rate is in the high school English classroom? Brother.

Anyway, I was enthused to see that I will be teaching 6 year olds all the way to 17 year olds this year. I guess I sort of assumed teenagers would have the best comprehension of English, being that they're the oldest, but I'd say thus far the 5th graders really seem to be rocking it. At this school, all the children in the primary classes (1-5th gradeish? I'm still not sure how their grades correspond to our grades) are taught only in English, and made to always speak English. It's really cute seeing 6 year olds racking their brains for the word "bathroom" when they really gotta go. Haha! And then there are the 10 year olds who were learning about cells today in science class IN ENGLISH. Wow. Totally impressed. I didn't even understand that stuff in my native language, much less a second one!

Though this is supposedly considered a very ritzy-titzy private school here in Alcala, the teachers vary from being really great with the kids to being totally uninterested in them and interacting with them as little as possible. The teachers that are good (3/4 of them today) are really fun to work with. The one teacher who is bad (the one that claims to speak English the best, oddly) is really depressing to work with and I just want to bring his class room a bag full of candy and stickers and toys and rescue them.

Best moments of the day:
1) The teacher named Veronica is adorable. She's brand new to the school so we bonded a little bit! She's learned English from watching movies and tv shows and from her father. We were going over school supplies today and they call "erasers" by their British name: "rubbers"!!! HAHAHA. Veronica turned to me when a student asked for a "rubber" and started giggling, saying, "Isn't that just the funniest thing to hear come out of a kid's mouth?! I mean, they don't know what it means to Americans! Haha!" LOL! She followed her comment with a personal quip about her using that word while on her father's American air force base. HA.

2) This same teacher, who I honestly thought was 100% bilingual, was going over food vocabulary and proceeded to pronounce "cucumber" something like "kooKOOMbear." Adorable.

3) I had two separate boys come up to me after class / raise their hand to tell me the score of the last Real Madrid vs. Chelsea soccer match. They were 7 and 8. ^_^ Amazing.

4) I had two classes get excited about my amazing ability to draw a giraffe. Like, seriously. They might have even clapped.

5) I was told by an 8 year old I was "beautiful" and so was the way I wrote my letter 'a's. :o)

After school I went to attempt to open a bank account (for the second time) and, although I'm definitely impressing myself with how much vocabulary I retained from last summer's Spanish Business course here in Alcala, I'm definitely getting frustrated that these two very friendly ladies cannot get the freak'n account opened still. I go back TOMORROW to HOPE they have news. If not, I'll just go in to Madrid to a REAL bank that has been working for other students on Thursday - as Thursdays are apparently the only day in Spain where banks are open past 2:00 pm. Go figure.

While at the mall waiting for the nice ladies to figure out why my account kept getting error messages, I decided it was high time to do a little MANDATORY shopping. Usually, shopping is a big treat and my favorite thing to do. But lately, it's been annoying me. Every time I put clothes on, they don't fit. Like, every single time. I wore these STRETCHY black shorts yesterday and after sitting in them for 7 hours straight I could seriously barely breathe. Then this morning I went to put on a shirt only to realize I only have: t-shirts, sleeping tank tops, spaghetti strap camis, and winter sweaters/jackets. Like, in all honesty, that's it. I swear I used to have clothing. Where did it all go? Oh, that's right, I "matured" an no longer fit in a size 0 or a size XS, which happens to be the only size I've ever purchased in my life it seems. It's weird to think that if all my clothes still fit, I wouldn't have the slightest clue I gained 15-20 lbs since last summer. But when I realize I'm wearing at least two sizes smaller than I really fit in and that's why I can't sit in jeans, well, I start to see my body differently. Ugh. Being a woman.

Anyway, I decided that instead of getting a bunch of cheap clothes I'm not in love with (which is what I almost ALWAYS do because I feel bad spending more than $10-15 on any one garment - unless it's sweats - LOL) and then quickly donate, I'm going to actually invest in a few things that are both adorable AND comfortably fit me. If they're a little more than I'm used to, too bad. Better to have one nice pair of jeans than 3 pairs that don't fit, aren't super cute and I'm not excited to wear. I'm over that "I have clothes in my closet but nothing to wear" conundrum and sentiment. Like seriously.

So today I went to Pull & Bear and bought the jeans I'd been eying online. They're skinny jeans, patterned in a darkish wash, and at least a half size too big so that some day I can wash them and still hope to wear them again without becoming anorexic. I also got 3 sleeveless tops - plain, cheap, etc. - that I can wear with skirts and cute pants and dress up with a scarf. Now, at least, I wont' have to repeat the same outfit in the same week - YAY!

Also today I made my second trip to the Carrefour (the big grocery store). Best thing I found? Colored toilet paper! And I'm talking a rainbow of colors to chose from! Just as I thought it couldn't get better, I saw HELLO KITTY toilet paper. Seriously. No joke. Amazing. My roomies better prepare their booty rump roasts, 'cause they're about to be papered with pink kitties and flying teddy bears as soon as my turn rolls around to buy the TP!!

After my amazing discovery, I was invigorated to do my shopping and bought ingredients for chicken fajitas for the week (they have a nice international foods section - Japanese, Latin American and Romanian are apparently the only international foods worthy of their own corner of the store) and ingredients for this detox water beverage I found on Pinterest. I drank a 12 pack of Shandy in under a week. And that's kind of embarrassing. And probably didn't help with my pants' quest to fit my hips again. SO, I bought lemons, a kooKOOMbear, an orange and sprigs of mint along with a 1.5 liter mason jar. When I got home, I cut it all up, threw it all in the jar and filled it with water. Apparently after putting it in the refrigerator over night, the water becomes appropriately infused and does something magical for your body. And if it doesn't, at least it'll taste good and be really healthy for you compared to just about any other drink that is sold in stores. I tried it tonight and it's actually extremely tasty. :oD

Definite goal: Learn more about food, eat better, learn recipes for cooking cheap, delicious, healthy meals that are unique and keep for a few days. That will most likely become my next Pinterst quest. ;)

And now, it's 1:00 am again somehow and I have cell phone games to play before I can sleep!
XOXO