Teaching English is just a guise; it's merely a happy byproduct of what I actually do. What I do I fly paper airplanes with colorful moose and simple words of love on it through windows in the middle of the night when I know they there's a sweet boy in his bed trying not to cry. What I do is give out high fives liberally and make up cray little victory dances to celebrate even the tiniest of victories for a few little amazing souls I've come to know. What I do is listen - but really listen - when somebody trusts me enough to open up, even in the littlest of ways.
Part of what makes it so odd is how unabashedly authentic I am when it comes to my personality. At first I just did it to make things more interesting... but as these four weeks have gone by, I've began to realize that me being my crazy self has made some of my "students" feel comfortable being their silly, authentic self, too. O_o It has been like watching little flowers bloom. And it's the sweetest thing.
Another odd thing is how I aim to see things from their perspective. That's not normal bears. It seems control is high on the list of desires for teachers... And maybe I just don't get it... But I find control to be stifling on the whole. The whole "because I said so" logic has always been lost on me and I refuse to perpetuate it... Which makes for interesting occurrences.
"Can we take a nap?"
"Um, no."
"Why not?"
"Because we have things to do..."
"But we will work harder and learn more, more quickly, if we can take a quick nap!"
"You really think so?"
"Yeah!"
"Huh. Well okay, let's try it."
"Really!?!"
"Sure, why not? But if it doesn't prove to be effectual, we won't do it again."
"Okay, Chelsea! We love you!"
And that's how nap time became a thing in class. While all the other teachers complained that their kids were listless and dozing off in class and not paying attention nor learning anything, mine were power snoozing for 30 minutes, lulled to sleep by quiet trance music in English... And then waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready and excited to learn.
The fact their nap idea was a really great and effective one was really cool, but what was even better was their sense of awe that they were being allowed to nap in class. They would repeatedly tell me they loved me for it - but it wasn't just the sleep... It was that I had rationally listened to their argument and thrown the ball in their court. I respected them, and in turn they quickly grew to respect me. And the more the mutual respect grew, the more they were accidentally learning... And the more they accidentally learned... The more confident they got... And the more confident they got, the more English they used and the more authentic they each became... And the more that happened, the more praise I gave them -- just like a crazy hyper narwhal loving cheerleader!! ;)
If my 40 kids from these past four weeks retain any new knowledge about the English language that the learned during camp, I will be a pleased panda. But I'm really not so concerned about that, to be honest. What really is keeping me up until 6am writing and rewriting this post for is the fear that the spark in their eyes that's gotten brighter and brighter throughout camp with begin to dim again after they leave.
This fear began rather selfishly...
This month working at this camp has been one of the best months of my existence: I've fallen in love with many of my kids, fallen much deeper in love with teaching, and fallen in love with the quirky parts of myself I used to be rather unsure and nervous about. And so a small part of me is afraid to leave here. I know it's time, and I know my kids would have to go either way again... But what if I forget all of this love, confidence and happiness that's percolated up inside of me?
If I'm never out for myself, how will some of my favorites fare?! Will this experience have been even minutely important in their lives?! Will they remember there is a crazy "teacher" somewhere out there who adores them and is always on their side?!
I could spend my time worrying about it... Or I could spend my time continuing to make my life something that could be worthy of inspiring these little people I've come I adore. <3
This month has been amazing. But not a single other teacher thinks so; they all can't wait to get home. The first day I was pretty judgmental of it all, but when Favorite told me to view it all as a sort of adventure... Suddenly the negatives became an eventful part of the story rather than something to make me want to kill others. ;) But really, the idea of viewing something from the vantage point of an adventure makes things so much... Lighter. <3
I've learned so many things this month... But I think one of the most important things I learned was just how toxic complaining can be. On a cognitive level I knew this to some extent... But it wasn't until this month that I really started to notice it. See, one person starts... And then another feeds off of it... And then it just becomes and interminable chain of complaints... And everyone leaves the exchange feeling self righteous and fully ready to spot the next negative thing they can find. And little by little, all the magic is sucked out of the adventure until it smells like nothing but shit... and maybe, just maybe, it could have been a magical little bouquet of bliss had you just given it the chance.
I also feel this way about children... But that's for another time...
Anyway it's 7am now and I'm über sick of being the noise police on these poor kids.
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