I took Lili to the Arabic baths this morning after a nice breakfast of tortilla, churros with chocolate and fresh OJ in the Letters neighborhood.
Abby and I had planned to go together months ago, but after things between us got really weird and distant, I decided I wanted to go with somebody who I could feel comfortable around. After all, that is the point of the baths. To relax completely and let new, calm perspectives filled with truth envelop you as you wash away all of the negativity.
And it was all exactly what I needed.
Instead of seeing the future as a big, scary black hole that was sure to suck any self-love and self-confidence I had gained this year... I had a moment of clarity and saw it as an enticing and enchanting adventure down a rabbit hole on which I was about to embark at any moment. I needn't feel so out of control and doomed and lost. Maybe it would even be okay to see it as a beginning to something amazing.
During the baths, Lili turned to me suddenly and asked, "How is somebody as pretty and as fun as you single??" She looked at me with authentic curiosity and waited for a response. It was the first time anybody (besides some of my students - haha) had asked me such a thing and it actually made me feel really good. :)
After the baths and a massage, I got back to the lockers to change and found my phone filled with messages from people I'd been hoping to hear from! <3
After Lili left in the afternoon, I went over to Picasso's for our final class - a two hour one prepping for his English and Science finals. He was actually really excited to see me (you know you're a good teacher when a 9 year old is excited about spending two hours of his Sunday afternoon studying with you - JEEZE!!!). We had a lot of fun making his action figures part of a town hall meeting and in charge of various municipal services (this was what his test was to be on), and then went over the future tense with "going to." The whole time he kept using "will" and "won't", which I'd taught him a few weeks ago cuz he had been curious! :) I told him they were a secret and he couldn't use them, so it's his favorite structure to use now. Hahaha! It was sad it was our last real class, as he and I have established such an awesome relationship! :( His mom gave us ice cream Popsicles to celebrate the end of the private classes and we sat out on their terrace and chatted a little. :)
At night time I stayed up til 2:30am making my Bachis paper plate awards and stawberry shortcakes! ^_^ Love my Bachis.
XOXO
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Day 285: Lili & Retiro
Lili and I got up nice and late. We were in absolute no rush, and the only thing on our mind upon throwing on some clothes was food! As I hadn't eaten much in the past few days and was feeling uncharacteristically ravenous, I decided to ask if Lili would be interested in going to the restaurant under my apartment for some super delicious Spanish seafood paella. Her twinkling eyes were all the response I needed and within five minutes we were sitting on the terrace having a drink! The paella took its sweet time in getting to us, but it was WELL worth the wait! Paella and tinto de verano brunch FTW!!!!!
After our scrumptious meal, I took her on a mini tour of Alcala and we took our pictures in the most touristy spots before ultimately heading to the train station to go into Madrid. I'd asked her the night before if there was anything in particular she wanted to see and her response was simply that she wanted to have a fun, relaxed weekend! She said if there was anything I had wanted to do but hadn't had a friend to do it with, she'd be up for it.
Best guest response ever! I felt absolutely no pressure to run around and show her the famous sites, and instead got to really enjoy my time with her just hanging out. Upon arriving in the city, we immediately got a frozen yogurt, as the temperature was in the high 90s and poor Lili was melting! Next, I took her to Retiro where we rented a boat for 45 minutes and spent the time well crashing into other boats, giggling, snapping photos of each other and even recording a video of me singing "Row Row Row Your Boat"!!!!! ^_^ After our second frozen treat of the day, we spread out my picnic blanket and took a sunny siesta for an hour and a half!! Most relaxing afternoon I've ever spent in a park!
When we finally told each other we had to get up and stop being so lazy, I roused her by proposing a Starbucks frappucino and dress shopping at Desigual. Awesome. :) The cold drinks hit the spot, and Lili bought a really cute dress at Desigual (and I may have began to dangerously rekindle my love with the giant Callao store, too, after I tried dresses on just for the fun of it with her!).
It was already 9ish when we realized we were getting hungry for dinner, and we picked a random restaurant near Mercado San Miguel which turned out to be super delicious!!! We shared three tapas and some sangria and talked and talked. The best tapa we had was definitely the pork solomillo with Pedro Ximenez sauce... Oh my goodness. It's kinda like what I envision a dish called "Pork Marsala" would taste like; the brown sauce was almost maplesque, which made the meat very sweet and tender! Yummmmmmmy!!!
Although our original plan had been to go out dancing when we got home, a 45 minute train ride later and we were pooped. Between this and our fairly early Sunday morning ahead of us, we turned in earlier than normal people should, but it just made the overall day that much more rejuvenating!
XOXO
After our scrumptious meal, I took her on a mini tour of Alcala and we took our pictures in the most touristy spots before ultimately heading to the train station to go into Madrid. I'd asked her the night before if there was anything in particular she wanted to see and her response was simply that she wanted to have a fun, relaxed weekend! She said if there was anything I had wanted to do but hadn't had a friend to do it with, she'd be up for it.
Best guest response ever! I felt absolutely no pressure to run around and show her the famous sites, and instead got to really enjoy my time with her just hanging out. Upon arriving in the city, we immediately got a frozen yogurt, as the temperature was in the high 90s and poor Lili was melting! Next, I took her to Retiro where we rented a boat for 45 minutes and spent the time well crashing into other boats, giggling, snapping photos of each other and even recording a video of me singing "Row Row Row Your Boat"!!!!! ^_^ After our second frozen treat of the day, we spread out my picnic blanket and took a sunny siesta for an hour and a half!! Most relaxing afternoon I've ever spent in a park!
When we finally told each other we had to get up and stop being so lazy, I roused her by proposing a Starbucks frappucino and dress shopping at Desigual. Awesome. :) The cold drinks hit the spot, and Lili bought a really cute dress at Desigual (and I may have began to dangerously rekindle my love with the giant Callao store, too, after I tried dresses on just for the fun of it with her!).
It was already 9ish when we realized we were getting hungry for dinner, and we picked a random restaurant near Mercado San Miguel which turned out to be super delicious!!! We shared three tapas and some sangria and talked and talked. The best tapa we had was definitely the pork solomillo with Pedro Ximenez sauce... Oh my goodness. It's kinda like what I envision a dish called "Pork Marsala" would taste like; the brown sauce was almost maplesque, which made the meat very sweet and tender! Yummmmmmmy!!!
Although our original plan had been to go out dancing when we got home, a 45 minute train ride later and we were pooped. Between this and our fairly early Sunday morning ahead of us, we turned in earlier than normal people should, but it just made the overall day that much more rejuvenating!
XOXO
Day 284: Disappointed, Ashamed & Scared
Yeah, it is my fault. I know I am totally overreacting. But in this moment, all I can think about is...
I don't know where I belong. After my roomies leave (with whom I haven't even really had a relationship with in a month anyway), I don't really have anybody here. Once again, a whole year goes by and no new friends... How does this happen? I had a better year here than I had in Portland, but I really don't feel an overwhelming need to stay next year. Or even, necessarily, through the summer.
Today's letdown really kinda sucked the hope I was attempting to hold on to right out of the air. My mistake as usual for putting that much on one person - and a person I don't even know. But EFF.
And what is with this people analyzing me thing? B, L, H... And now this guy. What audacity - and yet they always make me feel like the one that has something wrong with me. What happened to my adoring high school boyfriends? Why haven't I felt like the super adored one since I was 17? Yeah, with Julia sometimes... But even there, there was always something I felt like I was in competition with.
Just as I was hoping I was over that. Just as I met a guy who I thought would be on an equal playing field as me... But don't worry, I don't have to prove anything to him. He's intrigued by me and can tell that I'm trying to overcompensate for feeling unlikable in the past. But I don't need to feel that way around him. He doesn't want the bullshit - he just wants to get to know me... Which is why our plan to hang out first was canceled and then he invited his best friend who he sees all the time. Which is why the conversation always goes to the emotionally unavailable girl he's obsessed with. Which is why he analyzes everything yet, besides the general "intriguing" comment, never really has anything overwhelmingly complimentary to say.
If I can't find anybody really serious for awhile, can I at least find somebody who adores me for who I am, and doesn't sit there and analyze me and tell me what's wrong with me (without judgement, of course - ugh)?! This is a little silly, but those few days in Dublin with the Brazilian twin...? He was so affectionate and amazed and respectful and sweet. He made things about me and not just himself. For those few days, I felt spoiled like a little princess.
That's what I want next. I want to be the girl they're boring all their other friends talking about, not the girl they're boring going on and on about these lameasses that don't even compare to me. I want to feel worshiped. I want to feel like how the girls who take Ryan Gosling's character always feel in those movies.
I'm done with people analyzing me. Judging me. Making me second guess myself. Making me feel like crap about myself. It makes me so upset. And I know they're not worth it. But attracting so many to me makes me feel like there must really BE something wrong with me... Otherwise I'd be getting the right ones?!
I want people who are smart, witty, creative, jet-set, bilingual, adventurous, funny, cuddly, sweet, affectionate, successful, respectful, attractive, emotionally competent... And, I want a person to worship me like a princess and adore me for exactly who I am... And be amazed by that girl everyday.
At the same time, my unrealistic and idealized expectations have got to stop. I need to start accepting people for who they are and not expecting anything out of them. I need to see them as complete little beings who just want to be loved themselves.
But I'm scared.
Right now, I know in a few days I'll be able to change my whole perspective on all of this. I'll see today as a great example of how I need to stop being and I will be grateful for the fun parts of making cupcakes and mini witty retorts and being called squishy and randomly hugged. I'll feel grateful for having randomly found such awesome people and I'll feel bad for placing such stupid expectations on them and will apologize for not accepting them for who they are and for underestimating my own value.
But I will only be able to do that after I go to school and feel all of the love and adoration from my students. Having 250 adoring souks really does wonders for a girl's self image! But what happens when they're all gone? When I never see them again? Will I still be able to love and adore myself this much???
XOXO
I don't know where I belong. After my roomies leave (with whom I haven't even really had a relationship with in a month anyway), I don't really have anybody here. Once again, a whole year goes by and no new friends... How does this happen? I had a better year here than I had in Portland, but I really don't feel an overwhelming need to stay next year. Or even, necessarily, through the summer.
Today's letdown really kinda sucked the hope I was attempting to hold on to right out of the air. My mistake as usual for putting that much on one person - and a person I don't even know. But EFF.
And what is with this people analyzing me thing? B, L, H... And now this guy. What audacity - and yet they always make me feel like the one that has something wrong with me. What happened to my adoring high school boyfriends? Why haven't I felt like the super adored one since I was 17? Yeah, with Julia sometimes... But even there, there was always something I felt like I was in competition with.
Just as I was hoping I was over that. Just as I met a guy who I thought would be on an equal playing field as me... But don't worry, I don't have to prove anything to him. He's intrigued by me and can tell that I'm trying to overcompensate for feeling unlikable in the past. But I don't need to feel that way around him. He doesn't want the bullshit - he just wants to get to know me... Which is why our plan to hang out first was canceled and then he invited his best friend who he sees all the time. Which is why the conversation always goes to the emotionally unavailable girl he's obsessed with. Which is why he analyzes everything yet, besides the general "intriguing" comment, never really has anything overwhelmingly complimentary to say.
If I can't find anybody really serious for awhile, can I at least find somebody who adores me for who I am, and doesn't sit there and analyze me and tell me what's wrong with me (without judgement, of course - ugh)?! This is a little silly, but those few days in Dublin with the Brazilian twin...? He was so affectionate and amazed and respectful and sweet. He made things about me and not just himself. For those few days, I felt spoiled like a little princess.
That's what I want next. I want to be the girl they're boring all their other friends talking about, not the girl they're boring going on and on about these lameasses that don't even compare to me. I want to feel worshiped. I want to feel like how the girls who take Ryan Gosling's character always feel in those movies.
I'm done with people analyzing me. Judging me. Making me second guess myself. Making me feel like crap about myself. It makes me so upset. And I know they're not worth it. But attracting so many to me makes me feel like there must really BE something wrong with me... Otherwise I'd be getting the right ones?!
I want people who are smart, witty, creative, jet-set, bilingual, adventurous, funny, cuddly, sweet, affectionate, successful, respectful, attractive, emotionally competent... And, I want a person to worship me like a princess and adore me for exactly who I am... And be amazed by that girl everyday.
At the same time, my unrealistic and idealized expectations have got to stop. I need to start accepting people for who they are and not expecting anything out of them. I need to see them as complete little beings who just want to be loved themselves.
But I'm scared.
Right now, I know in a few days I'll be able to change my whole perspective on all of this. I'll see today as a great example of how I need to stop being and I will be grateful for the fun parts of making cupcakes and mini witty retorts and being called squishy and randomly hugged. I'll feel grateful for having randomly found such awesome people and I'll feel bad for placing such stupid expectations on them and will apologize for not accepting them for who they are and for underestimating my own value.
But I will only be able to do that after I go to school and feel all of the love and adoration from my students. Having 250 adoring souks really does wonders for a girl's self image! But what happens when they're all gone? When I never see them again? Will I still be able to love and adore myself this much???
XOXO
Day 283: Shopping Spree
I only had two classes this morning, so I decided to leave school around noon and go on a shopping adventure. I wanted summer sandals and a new outfit. And that's exactly what I found! The sandals are absolutely unique and adorable, and the outfit is very pinup nautical - a look I've always hoped to be able to accomplish, but have never successfully been able to pull off - until today! *YES!!!*
I had a quick lunch at 100 Montaditos, where the lady at the register made em say my order instead of write it down on the order forms so that I actually had to practice Spanish. :) She was so excitable about it that she totally forgot to ask me to pay! ^_^ Sweet.
After my adventure, it was time to go to Nacho's for our class. Just as I turned on his street, so did he and he began shouting my name and ran over to me, happy as a clam. <3 Awww!!!
XOXO
I had a quick lunch at 100 Montaditos, where the lady at the register made em say my order instead of write it down on the order forms so that I actually had to practice Spanish. :) She was so excitable about it that she totally forgot to ask me to pay! ^_^ Sweet.
After my adventure, it was time to go to Nacho's for our class. Just as I turned on his street, so did he and he began shouting my name and ran over to me, happy as a clam. <3 Awww!!!
XOXO
Day 282: Poptarts & Convo Exchange
The day started out perfectly... aka... with my Bachis and all of the American sweets John had brought me! ^_^ I gave eveybody poptarts and gobstoppers peanut butter cups and (oddly most popular) warheads. They totally loved it and it was cute to see them all so happy! ^_^
...
And then I had the rude realization that my writing abilities have taken a nosedive since I became an English teacher. I've become so aware of my students' linguistic limitations that not only do subconsciously dumb down my speaking and writing in the classroom, but I've apparently been doing so out of the classroom for quite some time. It's gotten to the point that I use the most simple sentence structures possible, along with the most limited vocabulary I can and still get my meaning across - and I have NO CLUE that I am doing it.
Of course, it would be unfair to blame this solely on teaching, so I'm going to go ahead and blame it just a bit on Portland, too. I remember the day I returned to America and talked to J on the phone for the first time in months and how disturbed I was with the way she spoke. Her diction was nothing but colloquialisms and cuss words. But, just as I had sworn I wouldn't get a Midwestern accent after moving to Wisconsin for college and ended up with an accent that still comes out, despite leaving that area two years ago... By the end of my year in Portland, my speech was anything but eloquent. While it's certainly not as bad as it was while I was living there, it's not terribly refined and erudite, either.
...
After my lesson with Patty I headed over to the conversation exchange for the second week in a row! As soon as I got there I started talking with three kinda crazy Spanish girls, and then a little later found Erin, who found two really cool Spanish people to chat with! It was by far the most spontaneously social I've been in a minute, and I had so much fun! The two Spanish ladies said they'd keep in contact! ^_^ Awesome.
After the exchange, I walked with A and Erin through the city, listening in to their conversation. I felt a little thirdwheely, but I was enjoying myself at the same time. Hearing a guy be so obsessed with a girl is a weird thing to listen to. Usually, it seems to me, it's the other way around. But not with this guy. Even more strange is the fact that he seems so different from the average person... Like he should be above that sort of thing. But he explained he wanted an independent girl who wouldn't just roll over and give him what he wanted, but that he would have to work for
:-/
It sounded like very adolescent to me... And I was reminded of that quote: "You accept the love you think you deserve." Why somebody like him wouldn't have enough self confidence to accept nothing short of an adoring significant other was beyond me. But then again... It's been a moment since I had one, myself, I suppose? Still, it was very revealing to see a GUY in that position and see just how ridiculous it looks.
Note to self: stop valuing people who see you as anything less than extraordinary (if I followed this, the only people I'd ever value would be my students and a handful of friends and family... But maybe that's more than enough?)!
Having a reflection of myself in relationships standing right in front of me in that glowing light of the street ads at 1 in the morning at Plaza Cibeles certainly was a bit jarring. I don't want to be like that anymore. What a waste... :-/
Everything was made a little better, though, when he blew me a kiss goodnight as I walked down the steps to the metro. A girl can pretend life is just as it should be for a few minutes at a time. ;)
XOXO
...
And then I had the rude realization that my writing abilities have taken a nosedive since I became an English teacher. I've become so aware of my students' linguistic limitations that not only do subconsciously dumb down my speaking and writing in the classroom, but I've apparently been doing so out of the classroom for quite some time. It's gotten to the point that I use the most simple sentence structures possible, along with the most limited vocabulary I can and still get my meaning across - and I have NO CLUE that I am doing it.
Of course, it would be unfair to blame this solely on teaching, so I'm going to go ahead and blame it just a bit on Portland, too. I remember the day I returned to America and talked to J on the phone for the first time in months and how disturbed I was with the way she spoke. Her diction was nothing but colloquialisms and cuss words. But, just as I had sworn I wouldn't get a Midwestern accent after moving to Wisconsin for college and ended up with an accent that still comes out, despite leaving that area two years ago... By the end of my year in Portland, my speech was anything but eloquent. While it's certainly not as bad as it was while I was living there, it's not terribly refined and erudite, either.
...
After my lesson with Patty I headed over to the conversation exchange for the second week in a row! As soon as I got there I started talking with three kinda crazy Spanish girls, and then a little later found Erin, who found two really cool Spanish people to chat with! It was by far the most spontaneously social I've been in a minute, and I had so much fun! The two Spanish ladies said they'd keep in contact! ^_^ Awesome.
After the exchange, I walked with A and Erin through the city, listening in to their conversation. I felt a little thirdwheely, but I was enjoying myself at the same time. Hearing a guy be so obsessed with a girl is a weird thing to listen to. Usually, it seems to me, it's the other way around. But not with this guy. Even more strange is the fact that he seems so different from the average person... Like he should be above that sort of thing. But he explained he wanted an independent girl who wouldn't just roll over and give him what he wanted, but that he would have to work for
:-/
It sounded like very adolescent to me... And I was reminded of that quote: "You accept the love you think you deserve." Why somebody like him wouldn't have enough self confidence to accept nothing short of an adoring significant other was beyond me. But then again... It's been a moment since I had one, myself, I suppose? Still, it was very revealing to see a GUY in that position and see just how ridiculous it looks.
Note to self: stop valuing people who see you as anything less than extraordinary (if I followed this, the only people I'd ever value would be my students and a handful of friends and family... But maybe that's more than enough?)!
Having a reflection of myself in relationships standing right in front of me in that glowing light of the street ads at 1 in the morning at Plaza Cibeles certainly was a bit jarring. I don't want to be like that anymore. What a waste... :-/
Everything was made a little better, though, when he blew me a kiss goodnight as I walked down the steps to the metro. A girl can pretend life is just as it should be for a few minutes at a time. ;)
XOXO
Day 281: ^_^
I will never ever underestimate the power of a late night Skype & Wine date with my best friend again! All day long I felt so happy and reassured. :)
Day 280: Bachi Classtime Stolen (ugh!!!!) & Woody (yay!!!!)
I woke up fifteen minutes earlier than I normally would because I had two things I needed to look a little better than usual for today: my penultimate class with my beloved Bachis and a cupcake cooking fest with my newest friend. After a seriously depressing weekend, I was hoping that the combo of these two things would bring me back to my sanguine self.
I put on my new, cutest outfit, sprayed some volumizer in my hair and put a little eyeliner on. I still was feeling pretty low, but I was ready and willing to finally get out of my slump.
So when I'd barely made it through the door and saw tears filling Ms. Pineapple's eyes, I knew my grand plan wasn't off to a good start. When I asked her what was wrong, she stammered that they had an exam and my class was canceled.
Holy shit it was a good thing the exam was for my favorite high school teacher at that school - because had it been one of the teachers I despise... I swear I would have lost it. I tried to look nonchalant when I turned around and left the classroom, but I was spitting out every cuss word I could think of as I walked up the stairs and back to the teachers' office. Stealing the penultimate hour I had with my Bachis?! How fucking DARE these people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't they know how my Bachis are the single thing that makes my Mondays worth waking up for?!!??!??!??!?!?!?! UGH!
When I got to Laura's class second period and she asked how I was in the hall before class, I let it all out. Every "fuck this shit" I had pent up all weekend long came gushing out of me as she gently nodded her head (slightly bemused at my string of cuss words being unleashed just outside the 2nd grade classroom). After my crazy verbal tirade, I felt a little better knowing another adult in that building understood me and was there to listen and sincerely agree. <3 You always need that one person at your job that you can just be real with, and I'm so glad I have her!
The rest of the day was equally as shitty, really. I felt hopeless and depressed and, more that than, pissed. I hate when I feel like others have control over my life. Hate hate hate it. After all, that's the reason I first went to my Life Coach, and have studied so hard to learn how to always be in charge of my own destiny. But sometimes, you just have to stop being so logical and in control... Sometimes, sometimes a girl just really needs to take a few days to just roll around in the bullshit that is feeling stressed and hopeless and taken advantage of and out of control and, well, screwed. There is something oddly freeing about giving yourself a few days to just react like a normal person.
It's like watching TV in Spain - you know you CAN understand all the shows in Spanish if you tried just a little, but sometimes you just want the show to be in English darnit. Your brain just wants some time off. Eff it. But the thing is, the longer you watch TV in English, the harder it becomes to switch it back to Spanish, even though days ago it was so effortless you didn't even realize you were doing it.
I knew I needed something reasonably big to get me out of this funk, but it wasn't until Woody asked if I would like to have a Skype & Wine date that I figured out what that something might be!
We talked and talked for hours, giggling and drinking wine the whole time. It was so so so so so amazing to really talk to my best friend for the first time in months. He just understands me like nobody else could. He's been there through all of my high school shit. All of my college shit. All of my relationship shit. Everything. And he still thinks the world of me. <3 I'm still his Lil Chubby Doll. <3 He, more than anybody else, can make me go from self hatred, anxiety and depression to giggling and joking around and adoring myself in mere minutes. That is some potent and incredible superpower, and I am so so so grateful that after eight whole years, we are still each others bestest friend. <3
Funk overcome! FTW!
XOXO
I put on my new, cutest outfit, sprayed some volumizer in my hair and put a little eyeliner on. I still was feeling pretty low, but I was ready and willing to finally get out of my slump.
So when I'd barely made it through the door and saw tears filling Ms. Pineapple's eyes, I knew my grand plan wasn't off to a good start. When I asked her what was wrong, she stammered that they had an exam and my class was canceled.
Holy shit it was a good thing the exam was for my favorite high school teacher at that school - because had it been one of the teachers I despise... I swear I would have lost it. I tried to look nonchalant when I turned around and left the classroom, but I was spitting out every cuss word I could think of as I walked up the stairs and back to the teachers' office. Stealing the penultimate hour I had with my Bachis?! How fucking DARE these people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't they know how my Bachis are the single thing that makes my Mondays worth waking up for?!!??!??!??!?!?!?! UGH!
When I got to Laura's class second period and she asked how I was in the hall before class, I let it all out. Every "fuck this shit" I had pent up all weekend long came gushing out of me as she gently nodded her head (slightly bemused at my string of cuss words being unleashed just outside the 2nd grade classroom). After my crazy verbal tirade, I felt a little better knowing another adult in that building understood me and was there to listen and sincerely agree. <3 You always need that one person at your job that you can just be real with, and I'm so glad I have her!
The rest of the day was equally as shitty, really. I felt hopeless and depressed and, more that than, pissed. I hate when I feel like others have control over my life. Hate hate hate it. After all, that's the reason I first went to my Life Coach, and have studied so hard to learn how to always be in charge of my own destiny. But sometimes, you just have to stop being so logical and in control... Sometimes, sometimes a girl just really needs to take a few days to just roll around in the bullshit that is feeling stressed and hopeless and taken advantage of and out of control and, well, screwed. There is something oddly freeing about giving yourself a few days to just react like a normal person.
It's like watching TV in Spain - you know you CAN understand all the shows in Spanish if you tried just a little, but sometimes you just want the show to be in English darnit. Your brain just wants some time off. Eff it. But the thing is, the longer you watch TV in English, the harder it becomes to switch it back to Spanish, even though days ago it was so effortless you didn't even realize you were doing it.
I knew I needed something reasonably big to get me out of this funk, but it wasn't until Woody asked if I would like to have a Skype & Wine date that I figured out what that something might be!
We talked and talked for hours, giggling and drinking wine the whole time. It was so so so so so amazing to really talk to my best friend for the first time in months. He just understands me like nobody else could. He's been there through all of my high school shit. All of my college shit. All of my relationship shit. Everything. And he still thinks the world of me. <3 I'm still his Lil Chubby Doll. <3 He, more than anybody else, can make me go from self hatred, anxiety and depression to giggling and joking around and adoring myself in mere minutes. That is some potent and incredible superpower, and I am so so so grateful that after eight whole years, we are still each others bestest friend. <3
Funk overcome! FTW!
XOXO
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