Weekend 187-188: School & Rest

Top Five Great Things from My Weekend:

1) My class this weekend was actually great! Whoa - I know. Totally unexpected. The teacher taught us this great idea about how to structure unit plans that was based on a whole bunch of theories she briefly explained to us. The best part of it all is the idea of a Advanced Organizer, which grabs the students' attention through dissonance, clever implanting of key words and another creative aspect (which you can choose - she has literally 92 of them posted for us)... ultimately introducing them to a new unit

My Advanced Organizer presentation was pretty cool: I presented a news article about a man who wanted to wear a colander on his head for his DMV photo, but when he was not allowed, he cited religious reasons - he was a Pastafarian. I then went into a brief explanation of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Pastafarianism. Just as the class (and, judging by her face, the teacher) was really lost, wondering what the heck I could possibly be linking any of this to down the road, I pulled up a picture of King Tut and asked them to tell me what the Flying Spaghetti Monster and King Tut had in common. I managed to get all of the implantation of the vocab words (relating to Ancient Egyptian Dieties and beliefs - especially about the afterlife)I needed them to learn without difficulty, and they all loved it! ^_^ YES!

2) Realizing I actually have friends in my Master's program! I got the giggles sitting my Miriam on Friday and had a great time doing a mini presentation with her and Julia. And on Saturday Jisoo came up and asked me if I wanted to be partners on our project for this month's class, since we are the artsy fartsy creative duo of our group! ^_^

3) Getting the brilliant idea from Pinterest to go buy glass canning jars and make smoothies and freeze for each morning this week! In the five smoothies I made for this week, I put: 1 full, fresh pineapple, 2 avocados, 1 box of strawberries, 1 banana, 1 tub of Greek yogurt, 1/2 carton of whole milk, honey and 1 bag of SPINACH!! What a well kept secret - you literally CANNOT taste spinach when it's put in a smoothie... like, at all. It just makes it a funny color... but you really can't taste it. It's SO weird. Plus, spinach is on the list of Top 5 Healthiest Veggies! ^_^ Yay!

4) Being productively lazy. Yes, that's now a thing. :) I slept for a grand total of 14.5 hours. BOY did I need it! And then I pretty much stayed in my PJs! However, while mostly lazing around in my bed all day, I have planned out the next eight days of classes for my students, planned a few fun things for my week, and my homework schedule, and, as of a few sentences from now, caught up on my blog. ^_^ Yay!

5) And, finally, this happened today:

... only, the other way around... and, it wasn't five words later I realized it, it was twenty minutes when I reread the four long txt messages! o_O Whoa.

Man, #Polyglot Problems are real things. If only the person that made this hilarious memes could spell English correctly thing them (realise should be realize)... but, then, that's a whole other polyglot problem, which is actually starting to affect me when it comes to double letters sometimes!! >_<
 
XOXO

Day 186: Happy as a Clam

It had been just about half a year since the last time we'd seen each other, and I don't think it would be a hyperbole to say that I honestly thought that I'd never, ever see L again. It'd obviously made me extremely upset when the thought had first dawned on me... but after months passed, it became something I never really thought too much about. Sure, I'd still have the moments when I'd be walking somewhere in Madrid, and a memory of something we'd done in that exact spot would hit me - but it would always make me smile with gratitude, and I'd continue on my way.

So when she sent me a txt asking if I was busy on Friday last night, it totally came out of left field and left me shocked. Honestly, I had two essays due that night, after class all afternoon, and with ten hours of class the following day. Had literally any other person in this whole country asked me to even go out for a quick drink that night, I would have given them a flat, "No." But this particular invitation came from L, and so I began my essay at 9 am, and worked on it all day long when I had a free moment to spare. I paid a bit more attention in class (when I wasn't secretly working on my essay), knowing that I'd be less than present the next day. And I pumped out the last two pages of it over a cup of tomato soup and apple grilled cheese as soon as I got home, so that I would have enough time to shower and get ready.

Sure, I still got there an hour later than I'd planned - but I was there... in the center of Madrid... at 11:30 pm on a Friday night - the time that normal me would be going to bed before 10 hours of Saturday class.

What she'd invited me out to was a concert at a club in Malasana by a group called "The Clams." I'd looked up a song of theirs quick on Youtube to make sure it was something I'd be remotely interested in, but other than that knew nothing about it all until I got there. I looked around for L, but couldn't find her in the mass of dancing bodies, and so I went and got myself a drink - which, oddly, I realized was the first drink I have EVER ordered for myself in a foreign country! o_O My goodness, I sure can be dependent on people for things, sometimes! >_<

Anyway, the girls on stage were absolutely adorable. They were all wearing matching leopard print tops with red lips and bows in their hair. They gave off the very distinct vibe of 1950's pinup girls meet rock 'n roll and I adored it. They had really awesome, retro-inspired videos playing on little balls of screens above them, which made the whole thing even more quaint. Their music was cute; their "hit single" is honestly entitled, "Happy as a Clam." Um, adorable.

But what really made the whole thing so cool was that their music and style was a calmer version of the band in the movie "El Calentito," which was a 1980's Spanish film that I had just spent my ENTIRE day writing an essay about!! Whoa. Maybe it was the vodka Red Bull or the bright lights and loud music, but I suddenly felt like I had been transported into my own essay - and it was pretty cool! ;)

A a few songs into it all I found L and she quickly introduced me to her friends as we all stood there and danced to The Clams. I was having a really good time and was bummed when it was over a few songs later, but that's what you get when you show up to a concert an hour after it began! >_< Ha.

We all stuck around for another drink after they were done and eventually decided to head to another bar... which actually turned into four more bars and two pizza shops as the night turned to morning. We went to a vintange bar called "Tupperware" that had old TVs with their screens knocked out and turned into sparkly shelves behind the bar. We went to a bar that offered us cheap beers, which was cool until L lost grip of hers (haha - nobody is surprised) and beer and glass went everywhere. We went to a vintage bar called "El Fabuloso" with a typical nasty European bar bathroom (seriously, bathrooms are so gross at bars in Europe - they have no toilet seat on them so you have no choice but to squat... but it seems most European girls don't know how to do so, because there is pee flooding the floor... and, of course, there is never any toilet paper in them... wtf?) but super comfortable velvety couches, sparkly walls and a super adorable ginger girl for a bartender. ;) And finally we ended up at a girl bar in Chueca that had much more my style of music and I got a little salsa dancing in with L and her friend. Yay! :) We didn't leave that last one until just around 6 am, which is when the first train started running, meaning I got home right at 7:15 - enough time to sleep for two hours until I had to be up for class! Whooopeeee!!! >_<

In the end, I was really happy L invited me and that I worked my ass off all day on my essay to be able to go - but the whole thing made me extremely pensive and rather comfortable rather than making me feel unwound and relaxed... My mind was flooded with thoughts for the entire night, and my mind never once stopped.

Flash to the realization that this was the first time in six months I'd been perceived for who I was when I primarily defined myself as liking girls. Over the past few months I'd seamlessly gone back to my "straight" self without even thinking twice about it. I'm one of those rare people that can go between the two effortlessly and it never really feels like a big deal, and the fact that it didn't feel like a big deal again was weird and normal at the same time.

Flash to the last club we went to, L dancing, and me thinking about her comment from earlier in the night at our first pizza stop about how my Spanish had gotten significantly worse since I'd been here the other summer. "You're rude," was my brilliant comeback. "I know," she grined, proud as could be. But I'd redeemed myself with a snide remark I'd made later in the evening, which had outdone hers. ;)

Flash to the night J and I first went out in PDX. She'd taken me to CC's the week I'd arrived for drinks and dancing, and I knew it was supposed to be an exciting night, but try as I might, I just couldn't get into it. At all. As awful as it sounds, all I could think about was L. We'd only gone out to a club once while I was here that summer, but I'd had so much fun with her and her crazy dancing and snide remarks. She hardly left room for a dull moment.

Flash to last night, feeling so awkward and out of place - not knowing what to say to anybody... feeling like I was just a duckling, silently following everybody around... not sure what to do about it... feeling like a bother - like that annoying little sister - but not knowing how to change it. Maybe, I thought, I'm just inept at the whole social thing and not cut out to make friends - especially in a drinking sort of setting.

Flash to my caipirinha party in Dublin the night before I left, hanging out on the sofa, playing DJ with Sebastian, dancing forro with Mateus, helping Lucas made caipirinha and talking with him, giggling with Lucia exchanging smiles with Maite, listening to Gaba. I was so happy that night. I was so happy with those people. I was so, so happy with how much caipirinha they'd made, too! ;)

After six hours of what most people my age call "partying," I was on the train, blissfully snoozing, until the train made its final stop in Alcala and I meandered home to my warm bed.

But when I woke up, all those thoughts were still going through my head - only they had filed themselves in some sort of order over the two hours in which I was asleep, and had managed to whittled it all down to one, glaring question:

Why do I get so boring, dull and sheeople like when I'm around people I don't know and/or people I want to like me?!?

Like, SERIOUSLY.

It's definitely on the Top Ten Things I Dislike About Myself and Want to Change ASAP.

I've never been charasmatic. I've never been the kind of girl who can walk up to somebody and make friends with them instantaneously. At least, not when I want them to like me...

See, when I had my last few jobs, I was superb at it. I could walk up to any customer and get them to love me before I walked away. It was not difficult for me in the least. All I had to do was be different from the other girls, express interest in them, and let a little part of my unique personality shine through.

But if there was a customer for some reason I wanted to impress, it was never going to happen. I was SOL. And so it goes with people - ESPECIALLY people's friends. I'm always inevitably the awkward turtle and feel like hiding. I am unable to start a conversation, and even worse at keeping one going. I try to act "normal," because I think strange me is a little to strange for most normal people, but I suck at acting normal.

I know there's that maxim that says, "Just be yourself," but I have no idea what that means within a context of, "Wooo... everybody is mostly ignoring me and I'm not at all a part of any of these conversations - in fact, I don't even understand what they're talking about because a) their Spanish is too fast b) they're talking about mutual friends or experiences I know nothing about c) it's something I have absolutely no interest or knowledge about. What would "Chelsea" do in this situation if these were people she were comfortable with? She'd probably still just be silent and eventually walk away and do something more interesting... so... um, yeah. I mean, by the end of the night I was actually having a good time with her guy friend, who was making funny comments to me by 6 am. But man that guy was a hard nut to crack... and usually guys are so easy! And man, I didn't even dare attempt to talk to the girls. Basically, I feel like whoever invites me to something needs to babysit me to a certain degree, and at the age of 23, that is ridiculous. >_<

This is clearly a skill I need to learn... but I'm just not sure how to go about doing so? It absolutely terrifies me and makes me feel so small and insignificant and unliked and unworthy... etc. etc. etc. YUCK.

The next day I talked to Katie about it and she told me she used to be the same way and then learned to just start asking people like that questions upon questions, with a face full of interest. She said sometimes you meet cool people that way, and sometimes they're still lame, but at least you look sweet and enthusiastic. Mayhaps I'll have to try something like that... hmm. She said it was no surprise I felt that way, though, as for the first few weeks here, everybody was afraid I would never come out of my shell and I would be the silent roommate who was always off doing her own thing. But then, after I opened up and got comfortable with them enough to do so, they quickly realized I was the most talkative, strangest and silliest one out of them all!

Anyway, this will be added to my list of priorities of things to work on. I would love to be able to meet friends' friends and have my good friend be proud to introduce me to people and feel confident I would shine in the situation, instead of make them look lame for bringing along somebody so mute and blah - which is DEFINITELY how I come across. >_< Ugh.
XOXO

Day 185: Third Grade Penpals

My second group of third graders started their penpal project and - much to my surprise - they got just as into the whole thing as the other class did! Usually, this class is much more "meh" about all of my classes and projects... but this one really got them going. They worked very hard on their letters and even decorated them all in their own way. See, the plan is to just take a photo of each of their letters, instead of retyping them, so that their personalities can come out through them (and so I don't have to do extra work... *coughcough*)

While they were writing, their teacher had the idea of taking the student's pictures, too, and sending them on. BRILLIANT! And so, after each pair was done with their letter, I had them take a picture with their letter before I took a close up of their letter. And ohmygoodness did the photos turn out BEYOND adorable!!! ^_^

XOXO

Day 184: Not Just Manic!

Sometimes I get really great ideas and I get so excited that I forget to realize they're not actually that great.

THIS was NOT one of those times.

The 3rd graders absolutely ADORED the new penpal project I pitched to them, and they all got right on writing their new American friends!! Adorable!! :)

And the Bachi kids' opinion on the Spring Break 2013 Guide? PUMPED. Like, seriously pumped. The teacher loved the idea - almost as much as they did. ;) Excuses to listen to awesome (and, sometimes, super strange it's laughable) music, look at girls in bikinis and browse beaches online... all while competing for a prize and writing awesome and creative things? Yeah... I actually wish I was participating in this, too!! I so totally cannot wait for their final product!! ^_^

Between school and class with Patty, I wandered Madrid, trying to find the croissant cafe Scottski and I went to, as I want to take my dad there. After some searching, I finally found it! I also got a dark chocolate raspberry cookie from my favorite little cookie cafe, and followed it up with some tapas. On the way to the metro, I stumbled upon an adorable bag store and got a super cute CUPCAKE THEMED grocery bag that folds up super small so that you can always have one on you! Um, perfect!! ^_^

Class with Patty was great, as per usual, and we got the giggles throughout. :)

All in all, quite the successful day. Hell yeah.

XOXO

Day 183: Enthusiasm to the Rescue

Finally... finally... finally... Enthusiasm returned to my teacher spirit, and, at the same time, so did crazy initiative. Today, instead of going to lunch, I sat down for an hour and a half and mapped out the next two and a half weeks of school for every single class I have, and planned out what I'd do for all of them - all 17 of them.

Holy crap.

This morning I introduced my 3rd graders (one of my most adorable and favorite classes) to their new penpals - and they were ENTHRALLED with the whole thing!! They set right to work writing them back and took it SO seriously. At the end of class when we told them to get ready for recess and then all whined, asking for a few more minutes of class. Then, a few of them begged us if they could take their letters home with them for homework. Yes, 3rd graders BEGGED for HOMEWORK and wanted DESPERATELY to stay in English class instead of go to the PLAYGROUND. o_O

Can you say "BAMF TEACHER AWARD"?! Uh, 'cause I sure can...

Today was also the classes with those two classes (5th and 6th) who I subbed for the other week... and, as per the new norm, they were wonderful. I taught the 5th graders the etymology of the word "ok," and taught the 6th graders the word "moody" by going up to one and being super nice and then going up to one and shaking him and throwing his books on the floor and stomping on them. Aaaaand they will never forget that word. Kinda like how the 4th graders will NEVER forget the word thunder because of the epic day I threw a book on the floor with as much might as I could, and then calmly looked up and said, "And that's the sound thunder makes. Any other questions?" They now beg me every class to demonstrate thunder to them again. Hee hee... ;) And the other awesome thing I taught the 6th graders? "K I S S I N G... First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!" Yep. I went there. And yep, they loved it... Except maybe the two towards whom everybody directed the song! ;)

Another adorable happening was in 1st grade, where I decided it was Cat in the Hat day. Who knows... Anyway, I put on a video of Justin Bieber (!) reading the book, and gave them little finger puppets of the characters to color and cut out. It turned out to be THE most successful class I've had with those tiny people and they just ATE IT UP. They were all going around the room at the end, finger puppets on fingers, talking to their friends' finger puppets... in English. Oh, my. What have I done!? o_O Haha!! Another cute thing was a girl came up to me and told me that her mom went and saw the Lincoln movie last weekend. "But Lincoln is dead, you know. He died in America. My mom told me. It was in the movie." Welp... can't win 'em all... but the fact an ADD Spanish 6 year old has some semblance of an idea of who Lincoln was probably knocked the SOCKS off of that girl's mom... which I'll totally settle for. ;)
 
But what really got me excited today was the plan I created for my Bachi boys' class. Oh. My. God. It's going to be the craziest, most awesome thing ever. More or less. ;) I asked their teacher if she had any plans for them for the next two weeks before break and she said no and was overjoyed that I wanted to take up four class periods with them. AWESOME!! And so here's their new project - which will commence at 10:05 tomorrow morning:

Their class will be converting itself into a burgeoning indie magazine start-up. The topic of the magazine? SPRING BREAK: 2013!!! ^_^ Each of the 10 students will be a reporter for the magazine and will write four articles each on four specific topics: Destination, Music, Fashion and Food. We have four class periods to complete the project - which is not by chance. See, for the first 15 -20 minutes of each class, I will begin by briefing them on the topic and will pull up some information and images for them and give them a little background on the day's topic. Reporters will then workshop ideas and brainstorm, resulting in each signing up for a subtopic and an angle. An angle you ask? Yes. An angle. Two of their four articles will need to be written from a creative angle, such as: an advertisement, a multiple choice quiz, an infographic, a poem, a flowchart quiz, a recipe, etc. Reporters will then have the second half of class to research and write their article. Articles must be finished and edited before the next class. I am the editor and will edit for English grammar and spelling mistakes. Each article gets one go around with the editor. After that, any mistakes present in the final draft will count against their grade.

Students will be assessed on four catergories:
1) Participation in Workshopping
2) English Grammar and Spelling
3) Creativity, Presentation and Style
4) Content of articles

To step things up a level, awards will be given for the top article in each of the four categories, so students must work hard to have their article win. At the end of the project, all students will be given a copy of their complete magazine!

UM, I would just like to take this chance to say that I. Am. Amazing.

When I burst through the door tonight at 11:30 and spilled my ideas to Abby, she looked at me with sleepy eyes and then said, "I don't know why you're always saying you're a bad teacher and you're not cut out for the job. You seem to really get a kick out of it all."

Why yes, yes I do. But mostly because I just really don't take it that seriously. I really don't go into a class and think to myself, "How am I best going to teach my students something new today and open up their worlds for the future?" Instead, I think to myself, "How can I make them giggle and really just totally amuse them today so that they go home and when their parents ask at the dinner table, 'What did you do today?' they start giggling to themselves and blurt out something really random I did that day, their parents will look at each other with confusion, but the kid will know it was awesome." There's just so much dullness in the school day - and so many adults who have forgotten what it's like to be kids. It's just like the Petit Prince says when he notes how adults tend to need to be explained things multiple times, and even then, they probably still won't get it. And how adults do crazy stupid things all the time, but are too serious to realize it.

Which brings me to the last bit about my day...

Mr. Nacho Man.

:-/

How many blogs have I written about our adorable classes together?? So, so many. But the past few weeks with him have just been... bad. It all started the day he grabbed my glasses and bent them so far that I thought he was going to break them. I grabbed his hands and told him very sternly to STOP it. It very much startled him, as I'd never raised my voice with him, and the rest of the class was very unpleasant... as all of them have been since then (except last Tuesday when we dressed up the Barbies... but even that only was half of the time). I knew I was going to have to get to the bottom of it, but I had no idea how to. And then today happened.

In class, he sort of ignored me, as he has been doing the past two weeks, but by the end he was having fun with his finger puppets along with the rest of him. On the car ride he was quiet, as his mom had told him she wasn't feeling well and after he got on her nerves a few times, he chilled out. But at some point as we neared home, he started grabbing my scarf and basically choking me. I took my scarf off so as not to start another scene, and he hid it in his lunchbox. When we got home, he made some comment about how I was missing my scarf and his mom yelled at him for leaving it in the car, when all of a sudden he pulled it out of his lunchbox and laughed. This did not help things. When we got in front of their door, she told him to hold his school bag with her bag of students' notebooks on top, but when he began to fool around again, the whole thing fell over and made a huge noise, as things spilled everywhere. This was pretty much the end of the line for his mom and she smacked him on the nose - not hard at all, but the motion itself was enough to completely startle him, and he started to cry. She told him to quit crying and that it was his fault.

And that's how the lesson began. Joy.

When I went inside and got to his room, he told me to leave. I told him I couldn't, so he told me to stand in the corner. He left and I started to look for markers for our daily coloring sheet we both do, but when he came back and saw me looking through his drawers, he lost it. He said it was his stuff and his house and I could just leave. But when he saw the coloring sheet, he told me to give it to him. I told him no - if he couldn't share, neither could I. He told me fine - I should leave his house. I walked out of the room and closed the door and held it closed, when he tried to open it, I kept it closed... which made him really lose it. When I opened it, he ran to his mom crying, telling her I was being mean and that he wanted me to leave right now. She told him to get his big boy pants on and to stop being so whiny and to go play.

He calmed down for a little while, but then he was trying to glue papers to my new jacket, color with green markers on my neck, tie me to a door and steal my cell phone - and when he succeeded at this, he took it into the dining room and played with it under the table. I followed him, trying not to make a scene (he'd already been yelled at enough), but then he lost his grip on my phone and it flew across the room and under the couch. And THAT was a loud enough noise to alert his mom.

She stomped into the room and SCREAMED at him. He screamed back that it was all my fault and she screamed back that she's never seen me angry before, so he must have really been being a naughty boy. He told her he never wanted me to come back. She told him that if he couldn't play nice, he would never go to Chuck E. Cheese again (well, Spain's version of it, anyway). That threat really got him, and so he shut up and stomped to his bedroom. When I got there, he told me to leave. She heard him and screamed his name. He ran and hid under the chair, under his desk.

Holy crap.

I gotta say, I'm really not a big confrontation girl. Not when it comes to my parents. Not when it comes to my relationships. Not when it comes to my friends. Not when it comes to strangers. And not when it comes to little kids. I. Just. Don't. Do. Confrontation. Well. (AT ALL). The only two times I've had major confrontation issues here in Spain I've 1) ... literally run away as fast as I could and went missing for a few hour and cried to an old lady who told me the good word of Jesus and handed me a Jesus calendar to cheer me up. 2) ... listened to Maroon 5 as loud as I could for an hour, took a train as far away from the person as I could get, and then didn't speak to them much for 48 hours until I could deal with it all.

So imagine how great I am when trapped in the same room as a Spanish 6 year old who is crying, scared, upset, mad, furious and cowering under a chair.

SHIT.

No doubt I'm the only adult in THAT situation... now what?!

I tried to channel some zen Chelsea master (aka my yearish of "therapy" court ordered during my parents' divorce), and took a deep breath. I sat as far away from him as I could in that room, with him still being able to see me, to get on his level. I then asked him why he was so angry with me.

(In Spanish - for the first time all day, actually:) "Because every time you're here my mom gets mad at me and it's not fair because it's your fault."

(In English - 'cause I never talk to him in Spanish:) "What is all my fault?"

(In Spanish and English:) "That you get mad and are mean. And I don't ever want you to come to my house again."

(In English:) "Well I'm sorry. I just don't like you drawing on my skin and gluing things to my coat and taking my phone. I've told you that."

(In English:) "No. You've NEVER told me that."

"I haven't?"

"No."

"Oh... Well, would you like me coloring on you and gluing things to you and hiding your stuff from you?"

"No..."

"Well, I don't really like it, either."

We both fell silent. For at least five minutes. Maybe more. I didn't know what else to say. The kid had made some valid points - his mom DID seem to get mad at him a lot around me, but that WAS because he was doing stuff he shouldn't be doing, but it WAS true I'd never explicitly told him I really didn't like it in a calm way. Suddenly, I could see where he was coming from. And it was all because I'd calmly asked him and he'd answered - and, what's more was, he answered mostly in ENGLISH!! O_O

Seriously, I could never be that emotional and understand somebody in Spanish and, on top of it, answer them with emotionally charged answers, still half crying, in Spanish. How does this kid do it so flawlessly!? Man!!

While I sat there - looking at the floor, not wanting to make any sounds or movements, but just let him know that I was still there and not any sort of a threat - I marveled at what had just taken place: A Spanish 6 year old had just opened up to me about what was really bothering him, all because me, the American 23 year old, had calmly sat down and earnestly asked him why he was so upset. And I didn't try to defend myself, I just really wanted to know and to hear him. And how many adults do that? And then apologize for making a kid feel bad, after they've heard their reasoning? And then give them their space again?

The only other time this had happened with me was one time with Sam. He was a little older than Nacho, I think, but only maybe by a year. Sam had had a friend over while he and I were there alone together. I was doing something and his friend and him were being super loud and annoying. I must have already been in a bad mood, because I lost it with them. I yelled at them to stop being so obnoxious and totally embarrassed Sam in front of his friend - and I quickly realized it. I didn't mean to... but that's what had happened. Sam and I didn't talk for the rest of the day, but later, at night, when we were watching the Discovery Channel together and laying on the sofa together, I wrote him a note and apologized for yelling at him and his friend. I told him I'd had a bad day, but it was no excuse and I felt really bad. He read it and wrote me back that it was okay, but as he wrote it he had the tiniest smile on his face - and he really meant it when he wrote that it was okay now. I felt pretty good about it all that a 7 year old and an 18 year old could have a tiff and then make up in such a way. I'm pretty sure the next day I took him to McDonald's to make it up to him, though - 'cause I still felt hella bad about it.

After the 5ish minutes past, Nacho slowly came over to me, and climbed over my knees to leave the room. Two seconds later he came back. I flipped over to make a lump for him to step over this time, and he giggled a little. When he came back the other way I made a bridge for him to go under. This came continued for another five or ten minutes until the doorbell rang, signaling time was over. By the time we left his room, we were both giggling and all smiles again. <3

When I went to leave, his mom told me she didn't know what'd come over him, but that she assured me every day he'd ask why I couldn't come over and play that day, too. That all his talk about never wanting me to come back was silly, because he always asks if I can come over more. It was good to hear that, because for the past few weeks, I keep wondering if one day she'll come up and tell me that he really doesn't want me to come and that she thinks it's time to quit the lessons. The money is nice, but really I would just be devastated because I really do adore the little guy. I really hope tonight's conversation will change things a little and that we can get back to being the awesome duo we've always been.

And - either way - I'd just like to say that this kid's English has gone from 0 - practically fluent in a matter of six months... and that's just ridiculous and awesome, at the same time! ;)

XOXO

Day 182: Half a Year Abroad

Today marks having been abroad / living in Spain / out of America / being a teacher for exactly half of a year. I actually feel like it's been a lot longer than that. My life in Portland with J in our cute little apartment seems like it was decades ago. And it feels like centuries ago that I last saw her. We've never gone this amount of time without seeing each other. What's more is, this month marks five years since we met. There is no way I would have ever imagined that that girl with the Pink Floyd pj pants on the other side of the counter would end up being the one person to dramatically change my life for the next half a decade. Never in a million years. I didn't even like her when she walked it. At all!

But with all of these realizations and time markers, not upset - far from it. There is a lot that I loved about our life together, and I every few days I smile at a memory and think how grateful I am for her having been in my life. But after a half year away, living my own dream instead of hers, I can honestly say I am happier. I feel free in a way I never did with her. Liberated, in a way.

Yet there is absolutely no way I'd be who I am and where I am today had I never met her in that pizza shop that one fateful afternoon five years ago this week. I had - by far - my happiest times with her by my side. She knows me better than anybody and I know her better than anybody. She is one of those very rare people who I know has been part of my existence for lifetimes and lifetimes before this one, and will continue to be for lifetimes and lifetimes after this one. We're in one of those spiritual contracts with each other - or maybe we're even part of the other one in some ways.

But for now, I feel grateful for all that she gave me, all that she made me and all that she is. I have gotten to that stage in things where, when I think about a sweet memory with her, I no longer feel sadness or regret, but instead feel lightness and happiness. And that is a first for me when it comes to her. When we weren't together, there were always things that upset me beyond words about her and the state of us. And when we were together, there were always things that upset me beyond words about her and the state of us (and, most often, about myself). But for the first time since we met (literally), I can honestly say that the only two feelings I hold for her are love and gratitude.

I sincerely hope that wherever she is, whomever she is with and whatever she is up to these days makes her feel as free and happy as my life here in Spain has made me feel. We always tried our very hardest with each other, but I think we always both deserved somebody who could love us for exactly who we were, instead of always wanting crucial parts of each other to change... and to live our lives on our own terms. I'm so happy we were somehow able to be together for as long as we were, and I'm so happy we were somehow able to go our own ways when we did.

It's like that saying - sometimes the way to really, truly love somebody with all of your heart and soul is to let them go. I know it took great bravery and courage and love on both of our parts to do so, and half a year later, I think I'm finally able to see that perfectly clearly.

So, thank you, J... for supporting me in your own way to go live out my dream.
And always know that I really do (and will always) love you - no matter the oceans and the time and how far we both move on from the sweet little life we had together. Know that I think of you all the time and hope that your life is absolutely wonderful for you. <3

XOXO

Weekend 180-181: Soccer, Cookies, Shopping

This was my first weekend completely to myself for the next four weekends. And boy, did I make it count!! It wasn't that I did anything ridiculously spectacular nor out of the ordinary - it was that I did exactly as I pleased and for the first time in who-knows-when, I felt honestly utterly content all weekend long - no matter if I was with somebody or with absolutely nobody.

Friday afternoon I spent cleaning up our room for Abby's dad's brief visit, and while I did so, took pictures of all of my Spring clothes and wrote out a list of outfits I can make by mixing and matching everything I have in my closet. See, I'm on this mission to start dressing like a European Pinterest girl. I know, I know... I was on this mission last Fall, too... but it just didn't quite work out. I ended up with a bunch of colorful things with animals all over them, as hard as I tried not to.

But this season? I'm doing it right. I'm all in. And I have very specific rules:

1) There may only be one focal point of an outfit. That means only one piece can have a pattern or a texture - the rest must be solid and one color.

2) Each piece must be able to be mixed/matched with a minimum of three other things (dresses excluded).

3) I must feel confident in everything I purchase. Confident and amused are different things - and I need to start distinguishing these two things.

Up until this point I've had a very "Chelsea" way of dressing - for better or worse. I've always bought things that made me happy and that were very bright, colorful and unique. And yet, when I've put them with what else I owned, it never looked very... chic. Instead, it kinda looked like an oversized kindergartener's closet exploded a high schooler. And while I can't say I would have the biggest problem with this if I lived no a deserted island by myself, what I can say is that it dramatically decreases my self-confidence when I'm walking around like Joseph's amazing techicolor dream coat landed a spot on Noah's Ark... surprise surprise.

And so, I'm ready for the next step in my outwards personal growth - and dressing like a real person is that step. In the next few weeks I will transition from walking to the bus stop a few steps behind the others so that the parents can't see how disastrous I look and walking around Madrid on Saturdays wishing I didn't look so ridiculously American (and not cute American - wth American)... to feeling confident and proud every single moment I am out of my apartment.

It seems so daunting right now... but the truth is, it's only really 30 extra minutes in the morning, and a little planning (which I've already done). And so, we'll see how it goes...

ANYWAY - my Friday night was the first Friday in which I have been at home doing homework, while everybody else was out having fun. It was super strange, but I loved the solitariness of it all. I wrote and read for hours and hours and didn't finish until rather late.

Saturday was spent in company, watching the Madrid - Barcelona game, strolling around my favorite part of Madrid and getting cookies from my favorite Paresian bakery. I gotta say, after watching the soccer game, I continue to not understand the draw of the sport. I'm a lacrosse girl - give me a shot clock, tough men and fast action and I'm thrilled. But this? I think in the whole 90 minute game shots on goal were maybe made eight times total - three of those actually going in. The rest of the game is guys kicking the ball back and forth and occasionally wiggling around on their backs, pretending to be gravely injured to get ref sympathy or something (I don't really get it). And this last part is the only amusing part. It happens about every five minutes that you see a guy yelping and crying, grabbing some extremity and rocking back and forth. Just imagine an American football player doing that, or a lacross player, or a hockey player, or a rugby player or a roller derby player. Heck, I can't even imagine a ballet dancer doing that. These guys look like the biggest pussies in the world - it's hilarious and pathetic at the same time... THESE are Europe's champions? You've got to be kidding me.

Sunday was a ME day, which I chose to spend once again in the city. I was shocked when I got there by 1pm, and decided to use my timing to my advantage and went to El Rastro market!! ^_^ I hadn't been there in months and it was so nice outside that I hardly needed a jacket. I got a super cheap fake coral Longchamp back, and two hair scarves - all for 10 euros! After the market, I stopped for a tapa, and then continued on to Sol, Gran Via and Fuencarral. I was on a casual search for a few things for my Super Chic Spring Wardrobe, and ended up finding two AMAZING things at Blanco!! I can officially say that a) if anybody ever asks me out for high tea, or any other fairly fancy occasion, I have the MOST perfect dress in the world (which, can also be dressed down with a navy cardigan and worn to school) AND b) as long as it's not snowing, I no longer need to wear by CUSTO jacket - because I bought a real one!!! Don't get me wrong - I not-so-secretly love that CUSTO jacket - it's just, I feel like a FOOL every time I wear it. I get the oddest stares and the snarkiest comments... and, truth me told, after months of it, I'm totally sick of it all. Bring on a coat that makes me look adorable, not like a crazy teddy bear (as warm and as cozy as it is...).

And that was that! I came home to watch Silver Linings Playbook - which is one of THE best movies I have ever seen!!! And now I'm updating my blog and drifting off.

Such a lovely weekend. :)

XOXO