I had big, lofty goals for the day. My roomies were all off in Madrid studying at cafes and I had the place to myself. I was gonna accomplish so much!
And then I didn't. (Well, at least not the stuff I meant to accomplish.)
I'd gotten home at 5 am, and had to be at the university by 10:45 for another talk at the Bilingual Conference. This one, I'm happy to announce, was a little bit better than the previous day's, because I was assigned to the fabulous, flamboyant black American man's talk. He was the best speaker I've heard in a long time, and even fooled me into thinking I was learning a lot more than I actually realized I had when I left. ;) But it was a very enjoyable hour and a half, despite running on five hours of sleep, and that's certainly something.
After the talk, I went to get my favorite breakfast in Alcala (fresh OJ and fresh chocolate croissant) and then finally defuzzed (my face is just so much prettier with two eyebrows instead of one, it's ridiculous) and got my favorite lady to do it, and she even stayed 45 minutes late to pencil me in! YAY! I seriously feel so much prettier after that's done, and it does wonders for my self-confidence and self-image, even though I doubt many even notice a difference like I do.
The rest of the day was spent half nodding off in bed playing Freecell, and then power cleaning my room and doing laundry (AND EVEN MOVING MY BED AND SWEEPING UNDER IT) and doing dishes. By the time I was done, it was really late and although I felt more awake, I did not have the ability to harness my newfound energy into doing anything academic.
Most epic part of the day? When the landlady came and went on a 20 minute rant about how it was inappropriate to study at the kitchen table because "there are 'normas'" and "I'm obviously right" and "maybe you just can't understand how right I am." It was seriously like the Twilight Zone or Candid Camera. I have no words to describe how surreal it was - this woman barging into our apartment and acting like studying at the kitchen table was a crime as heinous as murder. Seriously. She was AGHAST. And would not BUDGE until somebody agreed with her. She wasn't asking us to agree - she was INFORMING US that we had NO CHOICE but to agree because SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY RIGHT. Abby and Marianna were pissed. All I could do was laugh. How do people become that self-consumed and self-important? It's like honestly astonishing.
Anyway, other than that bit of entertainment, I didn't do much all day. But man, sweeping my room was a big deal for me. It was way gross and I dealt with it like a pro.
After my roomies got back really late, Katie came in and asked what I'd done all day. I told her nothing. She looked really confused and like she felt bad for me, but honestly, it was great. I'm finally being able to be alone and by myself and not even be necesarily super productive, but enjoy the hell out of my day. I listened to some TED Talks, folded my jeans just how I like, had a silly convo with B, broke a glass and got the giggles over it, took out my bun and loved the crap out of my curly, bouncy (albeit greasy) hair, journaled in my favorite journal. It was actually really great. And that's something that I used to be great at, but that's taken me some time to relearn - how to just be by myself.
I'm so glad it's finally coming back to me!!! ^_^
I've started getting this weird feeling recently where I have mini epiphanies where I suddenly realize I am going to me ME for the rest of my life. It's very meta-cognitive of me in a way. But anyway, this realization makes me delighted. I've been working hard this whole year to love myself again, and it's days like today that show me how far I've come since last September.
I found this on Pinterest, and maybe this is why it's been consuming my thoughts:
"Be the kind of person you'd be happy to spend your entire life with since you're gonna be."
Do other people see themselves as two pieces of the same being? Because I do. I have me me, and then I have the wiser part of me who sometimes helps me out when I need it. I'm finally starting to feel a lot closer to being that other part of myself every once in awhile, and it makes me giddy. :)
XOXO
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Day 249: Chivar
I got in trouble twice at school today - and I only had two hours of class! >_<
First class of the day: Difficult 2nd Grade Boy was being difficult. I tried to ignore it, but when he hit one of my favorite kids in the face, I grabbed him and put him in a corner of the classroom. I told his behavior was not okay and told him to sit down cross legged and cross his arms and to think about what he'd just done. I left them in that corner for 8 minutes (just like Super Nanny instructs), and when I came back I asked if he was ready to do his work and behave properly. I couldn't believe he'd sat there like I'd told him the whole time - he usually runs around screaming - and I couldn't believe he calmly talked about things afterwards and agreed. I shook his hand and smiled at him and he smiled back. I gave him the option of reading instead of coloring (he doesn't like coloring, and dude I can't blame him), and he gladly took a book and sat down.
All the kids tried to tell on him about reading and tell me that he'd thrown his work away. I looked at him and he started to get defensive, but I simply asked him if it was true. He said it wasn't, so I went to the bin, noticed nothing was in there, and told the kids they were wrong and not to tell me incorrect information. Again, he smiled.
At the end of class, I realized he hadn't made any other distrubances, which is a super big rarity for him, and was proud of him. He'd brought a frisbee to school and had started playing with it at the beginning, but when I'd told him he could pass it to one friend if he'd put it away after that, he got really excited and did just that. But as class was over, he got it out to bring out to recess. He was clearly really excited about it, so I asked him to toss it to me. You'd think I'd just told him that today was actually Christmas and to go home and eat candy and open presents!! Ha.
As soon as he threw it, though, the teacher looked at me and said, "Um, Chelsea. BAD IDEA."
UGH.
Teachers are around kids all day, and yet have TOTALLY forgotten what it's like to be a kid. What the hell.
At least the teacher said it to me and not the kid. But what did suck was based on my swooping in and taking the kid to the corner like that, the teacher realized something was wrong (even though he hadn't been paying attention to even realize it himself) and gave the kid a red sticker in his agenda with a note for his parents to sign for his bad behavior.
Sometimes that red sticker thing is helpful, but more often than not it's like a way for the teachers to "tattle" on the kids and I hate it. He and I had dealt with the situation as it'd happened and all was well again, so why drag it out further? That's one thing Super Nanny promotes - deal with the behavior in the moment and then make sure the kid knows you're happy with them after it's resolved. Seriously.
But what happened in the second class was way worse.
SECOND CLASS: The students were all working on their blog when I came in (as usual), and so I went around to talk to them (after all, it is an "English Conversation" class). The two most fluent ones in the class didn't have a computer that was working, so I mostly talked to them since they couldn't work on their blog during class time. We got on the topic of their English vocab test in the next hour and I asked to see the list. I was floored when I read the 50 words they were supposed to memorize. Swift. Drag. Barrister. Thumbnail. Demonstration (synonym for "protest"). WHAT THE HELL?! These kids are in 10th grade, and 7/10 of them don't always even use the present simple tense correctly... so why would they ever need words like these?? I always say, if I don't know the word in Spanish, there is no reason a middle or high schooler needs to learn it. In all honesty.
So I was honest with them. I told them to do their best on the test but not to stress about it, because my guess was their teacher probably didn't know half of the words herself. We had a good giggle about it and I went on to try to help them with some of the more difficult ones by making them funnier (Taylor SWIFT, DRAG queen, etc.). I find my strongest aspect about myself as a teacher to be the fact that I am real with kids. I don't act like I'm superior to them in any way. I see no point to being so condescending, because it's honestly just insulting. I remember those kinds of teachers. I learned nothing from them. All they cared about was seeming powerful and it was pathetic. This was one of the classes at the beginning of the year that I was told never ever spoke English because they were too emabarassed and shy to, but I'd gotten at least half of them out of their shell and initiating conversations and giggling about things and enjoying English... all by being real with them. We went over a few more words, giggling about it and then it happened.
Out of NOWHERE the other teacher (who is actually the German teacher, but who has to sit in on my high school classes just 'cause) started YELLING (in Spanish) at the kids I was talking to. She yelled at them for studying for another exam while in this class. She yelled at them for not doing their work on their blog. She yelled at them for sitting around and just talking.
I was FLOORED.
How dare she?!!?!?!?
Last time I checked, this was ENGLISH CONVERSATION CLASS and these kids were CONVERSING WITH A NATIVE IN ENGLISH ABOUT ENGLISH. Exactly where was the problem with that!?!?!?!?
They, being BAMFs about it, argued back. But the more they tried to explain themselves, the more she told them that they were being insubordinate because she was the adult and she was right and how dare they talk back to her.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a quote that says, "Don't raise your voice, make your argument better."
Seriously.
What audacity.
I walked away from them before I became too much more angry and shouted back at her myself.
She left he room in a huff and WENT TO FIND THEIR ENGLISH TEACHER TO TELL ON THEM. And while she was gone I looked at those three with a "WTF was that!?" look on my face. They looked at me and said, "This is nothing new. We're always getting in trouble for doing nothing. Now we're going to have to stay after school on Friday for an hour because of it. You have to help us."
I assured them I'd talk to their English teacher myself - who is my superior and a really awesome person.
When the German teacher got back, it was time to go, but the English teacher was right in tow. I went up to her and briefly explained I had no idea what the problem was, but that the three students should absolutely not be punished for anything. The only response I got was a glare. I was in shock.
I walked out of the room and there was the German teacher, now talking to the head mistress, all whispers.
!?!?!???!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?
It was the most petty, immature, juvenile, ridiculous thing I have ever experienced in this school. I adore this school. There are plenty of things I would change, but on the whole, I love working there and I think the students are lucky to be there. But this one German teacher... she's never liked me... and, to be honest, I've never liked her, either. She's one of those, "I'm better than you" teachers and is always in a huff and always is "so stressed" and is just so dramatic and self important. But to undermine me like that, start gossiping about it and get kids in trouble and treat them like that? I was APPALLED.
I was so upset after that. My blood felt that gross way it feels when it feels like it's about to curdle. I wondered if it would influence the head mistress' notion about offering me a job. But as I began to cool off, I remembered a quote:
"When someone is nasty or treats you poorly, don't take it personally. It says nothing about you, but a lot about them."
So. True.
The second half of my day was significantly better. First, I went to the university to "moderate" at the Bilingual Conference. It was nothing too exciting, but it was a nice change of pace from the usual Friday afternoon of "pereza." :-P
A little later, I went into the city to meet with my friend Jisoo to do our final project for one of our classes. :) We had a ducky time working together and got it all done sitting at a cafe on Gran Via and then recording the voiceover to our PowerPoint in the bathroom of the cafe - hahaha!!! ^_^
After that, I met up with a guy for a conversation exchange. We went out for pizza and then walked around La Latina and he showed me the Main Street with all of the cute tapas bars I'd never managed to find on my own! After walking in a big circle, we went to Malasaña and ended up in an Irish pub drinking cider. I somehow didn't get home until 4am, and yet, truth be told, I really didn't have a super good time - nor did I even speak in Spanish the whole time. >_< Fail.
Anyway, it was a Friday with ups and downs, but an adventurous one all the same. :) And that makes me happy.
XOXO
First class of the day: Difficult 2nd Grade Boy was being difficult. I tried to ignore it, but when he hit one of my favorite kids in the face, I grabbed him and put him in a corner of the classroom. I told his behavior was not okay and told him to sit down cross legged and cross his arms and to think about what he'd just done. I left them in that corner for 8 minutes (just like Super Nanny instructs), and when I came back I asked if he was ready to do his work and behave properly. I couldn't believe he'd sat there like I'd told him the whole time - he usually runs around screaming - and I couldn't believe he calmly talked about things afterwards and agreed. I shook his hand and smiled at him and he smiled back. I gave him the option of reading instead of coloring (he doesn't like coloring, and dude I can't blame him), and he gladly took a book and sat down.
All the kids tried to tell on him about reading and tell me that he'd thrown his work away. I looked at him and he started to get defensive, but I simply asked him if it was true. He said it wasn't, so I went to the bin, noticed nothing was in there, and told the kids they were wrong and not to tell me incorrect information. Again, he smiled.
At the end of class, I realized he hadn't made any other distrubances, which is a super big rarity for him, and was proud of him. He'd brought a frisbee to school and had started playing with it at the beginning, but when I'd told him he could pass it to one friend if he'd put it away after that, he got really excited and did just that. But as class was over, he got it out to bring out to recess. He was clearly really excited about it, so I asked him to toss it to me. You'd think I'd just told him that today was actually Christmas and to go home and eat candy and open presents!! Ha.
As soon as he threw it, though, the teacher looked at me and said, "Um, Chelsea. BAD IDEA."
UGH.
Teachers are around kids all day, and yet have TOTALLY forgotten what it's like to be a kid. What the hell.
At least the teacher said it to me and not the kid. But what did suck was based on my swooping in and taking the kid to the corner like that, the teacher realized something was wrong (even though he hadn't been paying attention to even realize it himself) and gave the kid a red sticker in his agenda with a note for his parents to sign for his bad behavior.
Sometimes that red sticker thing is helpful, but more often than not it's like a way for the teachers to "tattle" on the kids and I hate it. He and I had dealt with the situation as it'd happened and all was well again, so why drag it out further? That's one thing Super Nanny promotes - deal with the behavior in the moment and then make sure the kid knows you're happy with them after it's resolved. Seriously.
But what happened in the second class was way worse.
SECOND CLASS: The students were all working on their blog when I came in (as usual), and so I went around to talk to them (after all, it is an "English Conversation" class). The two most fluent ones in the class didn't have a computer that was working, so I mostly talked to them since they couldn't work on their blog during class time. We got on the topic of their English vocab test in the next hour and I asked to see the list. I was floored when I read the 50 words they were supposed to memorize. Swift. Drag. Barrister. Thumbnail. Demonstration (synonym for "protest"). WHAT THE HELL?! These kids are in 10th grade, and 7/10 of them don't always even use the present simple tense correctly... so why would they ever need words like these?? I always say, if I don't know the word in Spanish, there is no reason a middle or high schooler needs to learn it. In all honesty.
So I was honest with them. I told them to do their best on the test but not to stress about it, because my guess was their teacher probably didn't know half of the words herself. We had a good giggle about it and I went on to try to help them with some of the more difficult ones by making them funnier (Taylor SWIFT, DRAG queen, etc.). I find my strongest aspect about myself as a teacher to be the fact that I am real with kids. I don't act like I'm superior to them in any way. I see no point to being so condescending, because it's honestly just insulting. I remember those kinds of teachers. I learned nothing from them. All they cared about was seeming powerful and it was pathetic. This was one of the classes at the beginning of the year that I was told never ever spoke English because they were too emabarassed and shy to, but I'd gotten at least half of them out of their shell and initiating conversations and giggling about things and enjoying English... all by being real with them. We went over a few more words, giggling about it and then it happened.
Out of NOWHERE the other teacher (who is actually the German teacher, but who has to sit in on my high school classes just 'cause) started YELLING (in Spanish) at the kids I was talking to. She yelled at them for studying for another exam while in this class. She yelled at them for not doing their work on their blog. She yelled at them for sitting around and just talking.
I was FLOORED.
How dare she?!!?!?!?
Last time I checked, this was ENGLISH CONVERSATION CLASS and these kids were CONVERSING WITH A NATIVE IN ENGLISH ABOUT ENGLISH. Exactly where was the problem with that!?!?!?!?
They, being BAMFs about it, argued back. But the more they tried to explain themselves, the more she told them that they were being insubordinate because she was the adult and she was right and how dare they talk back to her.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a quote that says, "Don't raise your voice, make your argument better."
Seriously.
What audacity.
I walked away from them before I became too much more angry and shouted back at her myself.
She left he room in a huff and WENT TO FIND THEIR ENGLISH TEACHER TO TELL ON THEM. And while she was gone I looked at those three with a "WTF was that!?" look on my face. They looked at me and said, "This is nothing new. We're always getting in trouble for doing nothing. Now we're going to have to stay after school on Friday for an hour because of it. You have to help us."
I assured them I'd talk to their English teacher myself - who is my superior and a really awesome person.
When the German teacher got back, it was time to go, but the English teacher was right in tow. I went up to her and briefly explained I had no idea what the problem was, but that the three students should absolutely not be punished for anything. The only response I got was a glare. I was in shock.
I walked out of the room and there was the German teacher, now talking to the head mistress, all whispers.
!?!?!???!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?
It was the most petty, immature, juvenile, ridiculous thing I have ever experienced in this school. I adore this school. There are plenty of things I would change, but on the whole, I love working there and I think the students are lucky to be there. But this one German teacher... she's never liked me... and, to be honest, I've never liked her, either. She's one of those, "I'm better than you" teachers and is always in a huff and always is "so stressed" and is just so dramatic and self important. But to undermine me like that, start gossiping about it and get kids in trouble and treat them like that? I was APPALLED.
I was so upset after that. My blood felt that gross way it feels when it feels like it's about to curdle. I wondered if it would influence the head mistress' notion about offering me a job. But as I began to cool off, I remembered a quote:
"When someone is nasty or treats you poorly, don't take it personally. It says nothing about you, but a lot about them."
So. True.
The second half of my day was significantly better. First, I went to the university to "moderate" at the Bilingual Conference. It was nothing too exciting, but it was a nice change of pace from the usual Friday afternoon of "pereza." :-P
A little later, I went into the city to meet with my friend Jisoo to do our final project for one of our classes. :) We had a ducky time working together and got it all done sitting at a cafe on Gran Via and then recording the voiceover to our PowerPoint in the bathroom of the cafe - hahaha!!! ^_^
After that, I met up with a guy for a conversation exchange. We went out for pizza and then walked around La Latina and he showed me the Main Street with all of the cute tapas bars I'd never managed to find on my own! After walking in a big circle, we went to Malasaña and ended up in an Irish pub drinking cider. I somehow didn't get home until 4am, and yet, truth be told, I really didn't have a super good time - nor did I even speak in Spanish the whole time. >_< Fail.
Anyway, it was a Friday with ups and downs, but an adventurous one all the same. :) And that makes me happy.
XOXO
Day 248: Sukiyaki & Shortcake
Honestly, the only exciting news I have from today was the simple and awesome fact that I made sukiyaki for the first time in MONTHS this evening. I thought I was going to have to go from school to private classes to Madrid to do a language exchange, but when the guy canceled the exchange, I was SO HAPPY!!! I used my newfound four hours to grocery shop and make a divine meal of sukiyaki and strawberry shortcake!!!! The sukiyaki sauce actually turned out like how I remembered it to taste like when I was a kid. And the shortcake? I somehow had the inspired idea to put white chocolate into the batter before baking them - AND THIS WAS THE BEST CULINARY DECISION OF MY LIFE. No joke. Never again will I eat shortcake without a little white chocolate melted into them!!! Mmmm... nom nom noms!!!
Man, I love blogs where all I write about is what I ate. Hahaha.
XOXO
Man, I love blogs where all I write about is what I ate. Hahaha.
XOXO
Day 247: Three Euros
After my class with Patty finished at 9:45pm, I wasn't really tired. Going all the way back to Alcala just to go to bed did not seem very appealing. And so, instead, I went o 100 Montaditos for some mini sandwiches and some beer! Ooohhhhh yeah! ^_^ Noms.
On my way to the train, a homeless man was asking for money, walking the street with his palms open. Like any large city, Madrid has its share of homeless people, and generally I don't give them anything (unless they have a litter of puppies, like they guy did yesterday ), except for the ones on the trains who walk up and down through each car leaving a little note on each seat along with a small pack of tissues. I always take the tissues and give them a euro. Once I even got a lighter, and that was actually really exciting, too! Ha.
Anyway, the point is I don't usually give homeless people on the street money. But this guy, he just had that look in his eyes. That look like all he wanted was somebody to really see him as a fellow person - for a little spark of hope. Though I've never been homeless, I could empathize with that look and feeling, as it was something I had felt a fair few times last year, myself, but for various other reasons.
I walked passed him, my guard up as usual, speeding up a little as he approached me and shaking my head and trying to smile a bit but saying, "No, lo siento." But as I rushed by, he didn't look upset, as I had expected him to. Instead, he smiled an authentic smile, tipped his head, and wished me a good night, addressing me as, "Senorita."
There was something in the grace of it all that took me aback. I'm not sure exactly what it was about it, but it was quite strong. I slowed my pace as I rounded the corner and pulled out my wallet. I found a three euros in coins and turned around. I smiled at him as I approached and gently place the money in his hands. He was eager to count it and I left just as quickly as I had appeared.
I'm not sure three euro can do very much for him really, but I was hoping it was enough to light at least a little spark of hope in him, as I know it's more than I'm sure the average person who actually gives him something would give. :-/
I used to have a low opinion of people asking for money in the streets, like they were cheating the system or probably lying about their circumstances. But the fact is, just to do that takes away so much dignity from a person, that, in the end, it doesn't really matter what the real story is. As I continue to realize my ability to see the light in little kids - and especially, sometimes, in the "difficult" kids - I wonder if my ability spans outside of that, and to others who the "average adult" just overlooks out of habit and thinking they're superior. I'm not sure, but I do hope so.
More and more recently I've been starting to see how my friendship with Conor has had a profound affect on who I'm turning out to be and who I'm growing into - far more than I had originally believed. And every time I realize it, I'm delighted.
At the time it didn't really make sense to most, I'd assume, why a ridiculously innocent and rather sheltered 14 year old would become such close friends with a 17 year old who was in deep with drugs. But the thing was, I never saw him as a user or as a dealer; I just saw him for who he was - and I absolutely adored that boy (and continue to). And it's that understanding and seeing past the facade of assumptions that I gained from my relationship with him - and that's exactly what is starting to enable my ability to see kids (and maybe someday adults) for more than what others think they are.
In any case, I hope the man was able to get something a little better than usual to eat that night and to find a warm place to sleep. I know I didn't really do very much to help him, but I hope he was able to feel like somebody had seen him as a person in those moments, if nothing else.
XOXO
On my way to the train, a homeless man was asking for money, walking the street with his palms open. Like any large city, Madrid has its share of homeless people, and generally I don't give them anything (unless they have a litter of puppies, like they guy did yesterday ), except for the ones on the trains who walk up and down through each car leaving a little note on each seat along with a small pack of tissues. I always take the tissues and give them a euro. Once I even got a lighter, and that was actually really exciting, too! Ha.
Anyway, the point is I don't usually give homeless people on the street money. But this guy, he just had that look in his eyes. That look like all he wanted was somebody to really see him as a fellow person - for a little spark of hope. Though I've never been homeless, I could empathize with that look and feeling, as it was something I had felt a fair few times last year, myself, but for various other reasons.
I walked passed him, my guard up as usual, speeding up a little as he approached me and shaking my head and trying to smile a bit but saying, "No, lo siento." But as I rushed by, he didn't look upset, as I had expected him to. Instead, he smiled an authentic smile, tipped his head, and wished me a good night, addressing me as, "Senorita."
There was something in the grace of it all that took me aback. I'm not sure exactly what it was about it, but it was quite strong. I slowed my pace as I rounded the corner and pulled out my wallet. I found a three euros in coins and turned around. I smiled at him as I approached and gently place the money in his hands. He was eager to count it and I left just as quickly as I had appeared.
I'm not sure three euro can do very much for him really, but I was hoping it was enough to light at least a little spark of hope in him, as I know it's more than I'm sure the average person who actually gives him something would give. :-/
I used to have a low opinion of people asking for money in the streets, like they were cheating the system or probably lying about their circumstances. But the fact is, just to do that takes away so much dignity from a person, that, in the end, it doesn't really matter what the real story is. As I continue to realize my ability to see the light in little kids - and especially, sometimes, in the "difficult" kids - I wonder if my ability spans outside of that, and to others who the "average adult" just overlooks out of habit and thinking they're superior. I'm not sure, but I do hope so.
More and more recently I've been starting to see how my friendship with Conor has had a profound affect on who I'm turning out to be and who I'm growing into - far more than I had originally believed. And every time I realize it, I'm delighted.
At the time it didn't really make sense to most, I'd assume, why a ridiculously innocent and rather sheltered 14 year old would become such close friends with a 17 year old who was in deep with drugs. But the thing was, I never saw him as a user or as a dealer; I just saw him for who he was - and I absolutely adored that boy (and continue to). And it's that understanding and seeing past the facade of assumptions that I gained from my relationship with him - and that's exactly what is starting to enable my ability to see kids (and maybe someday adults) for more than what others think they are.
In any case, I hope the man was able to get something a little better than usual to eat that night and to find a warm place to sleep. I know I didn't really do very much to help him, but I hope he was able to feel like somebody had seen him as a person in those moments, if nothing else.
XOXO
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Day 246: Tenacious & Sanguine
I figured it out! (Or, more likely, Conor whispered it to me and I'm selfishly taking the credit.)
After yesterday's turn of events, I felt insulted and disappointed. I felt like I had purposely been short changed, and this made me upset and defensive and angry. I quickly went from shock to incredulous rage to hopeless, resigned sadness... All within a matter of hours. And you know what, gut reactions are just fine to have. I finally am beginning to realize that I don't need to feel ashamed of it. And what was brilliant was, I didn't make any rash decisions while I was emotionally reacting. Nope - instead I talked to everybody on my (as my Life Coach would call it) "Support Yeam." I told Abby first, then my mom, then Marianna, then Woody, then my dad, then B, then Patty. They all listened to me selflessly and then either made me feel heard or gave me their more detached perspectives and opinions. And it was perfect.
I remember when I had weekly phone meetings with my Life Coach right after I turned 17 and I would tell him how I really only had two or three people who would really listen to me and HEAR me. Those two or three, though, were really amazing, and I really didn't need anybody more... But I always wished I had a bigger Support Team, anyway. So being able to talk to SEVEN people about something so important to me within hours of it happening... And all of them being so supportive about it... That's something I could have only dreamed of even a year ago. <3
Anyway, after taking roughly 24 hours to freak out about it, I decided it was time to use my secret superpower of pure awesomeness, creativity and unique perspective... And that's when the idea hit me.
See, I was basing all of my negative reaction on the warrant that the head mistress was purposely screwing me over... But as I allowed logic to flow back into my brain, I started allowing myself to think that maybe she really was thinking I would be best there, as she really doesn't know much about me and my talents as a teacher. And the more I though about it, the more I realized how true it was. I mean, she's never been to one of my classes... She honestly has no way to even know what my talents and creative methods and background are! She's only offering me a job based on a note I wrote her in passing and what another teacher who sat in on a handful of my classes said in five or ten minutes!
Maybe... just maybe... if she knew how great I am at what I do with the older kids and what a great respect/relationship I have going with them and how many ideas are bursting out of my head every hour of everyday to make these kids PWN English next year and make this school I've come to love honestly have the BEST, most unique and fun and creative and effective English program in the whole country... Maybe she'd jump at the opportunity to place me in primary instead?!
So what am I going to do about it???
This weekend I am going to make a colorful, pop-up portfolio (in Spanish, of course) of my successes at the school this year, along with ideas I have for next year that I really believe would make these adorable kids not only OUTSTANDING at English by the end of the next school year, but in love with it and learning in general, as well.
Maybe it sounds crazy, but the idea to write her a letter which spurred the job offer in the first place came out of the air in just the same way.
I am going to put every drop of creativity and passion I have into this project and proudly deliver it to her at the start of next week to look at before she goes to the director.
Never will they ever have had a teacher this eager and passionate and creative and tenacious and sanguine!!! Never.
Whatever happens after that happens, but I want to know I really gave it my all. I want them to have all the facts before they decide. I want to look grateful and bursting with enthusiasm and great ideas, rather than look choosy and conceited by just saying no to her initial idea.
Basically, I want to dazzle them do much they can't help but want me with the older kids.
The message behind The Secret is to decide what you want and then to not only put out positive energies to attract it, but to be open to divine ideas of how to get it. So here's to giving it my all! ;)
XOXO
After yesterday's turn of events, I felt insulted and disappointed. I felt like I had purposely been short changed, and this made me upset and defensive and angry. I quickly went from shock to incredulous rage to hopeless, resigned sadness... All within a matter of hours. And you know what, gut reactions are just fine to have. I finally am beginning to realize that I don't need to feel ashamed of it. And what was brilliant was, I didn't make any rash decisions while I was emotionally reacting. Nope - instead I talked to everybody on my (as my Life Coach would call it) "Support Yeam." I told Abby first, then my mom, then Marianna, then Woody, then my dad, then B, then Patty. They all listened to me selflessly and then either made me feel heard or gave me their more detached perspectives and opinions. And it was perfect.
I remember when I had weekly phone meetings with my Life Coach right after I turned 17 and I would tell him how I really only had two or three people who would really listen to me and HEAR me. Those two or three, though, were really amazing, and I really didn't need anybody more... But I always wished I had a bigger Support Team, anyway. So being able to talk to SEVEN people about something so important to me within hours of it happening... And all of them being so supportive about it... That's something I could have only dreamed of even a year ago. <3
Anyway, after taking roughly 24 hours to freak out about it, I decided it was time to use my secret superpower of pure awesomeness, creativity and unique perspective... And that's when the idea hit me.
See, I was basing all of my negative reaction on the warrant that the head mistress was purposely screwing me over... But as I allowed logic to flow back into my brain, I started allowing myself to think that maybe she really was thinking I would be best there, as she really doesn't know much about me and my talents as a teacher. And the more I though about it, the more I realized how true it was. I mean, she's never been to one of my classes... She honestly has no way to even know what my talents and creative methods and background are! She's only offering me a job based on a note I wrote her in passing and what another teacher who sat in on a handful of my classes said in five or ten minutes!
Maybe... just maybe... if she knew how great I am at what I do with the older kids and what a great respect/relationship I have going with them and how many ideas are bursting out of my head every hour of everyday to make these kids PWN English next year and make this school I've come to love honestly have the BEST, most unique and fun and creative and effective English program in the whole country... Maybe she'd jump at the opportunity to place me in primary instead?!
So what am I going to do about it???
This weekend I am going to make a colorful, pop-up portfolio (in Spanish, of course) of my successes at the school this year, along with ideas I have for next year that I really believe would make these adorable kids not only OUTSTANDING at English by the end of the next school year, but in love with it and learning in general, as well.
Maybe it sounds crazy, but the idea to write her a letter which spurred the job offer in the first place came out of the air in just the same way.
I am going to put every drop of creativity and passion I have into this project and proudly deliver it to her at the start of next week to look at before she goes to the director.
Never will they ever have had a teacher this eager and passionate and creative and tenacious and sanguine!!! Never.
Whatever happens after that happens, but I want to know I really gave it my all. I want them to have all the facts before they decide. I want to look grateful and bursting with enthusiasm and great ideas, rather than look choosy and conceited by just saying no to her initial idea.
Basically, I want to dazzle them do much they can't help but want me with the older kids.
The message behind The Secret is to decide what you want and then to not only put out positive energies to attract it, but to be open to divine ideas of how to get it. So here's to giving it my all! ;)
XOXO
Day 245: Um, wait... What?!?
My brain is about to explode! >_<
It was three weeks ago that I was tentatively offered a job at my school. My blissed out excitement began to turn to worry as the days passed and the head mistress would pass me in the halls with a smile, but with no invitation to her office again to further discuss the details. Had the director not liked the idea of hiring me? Had they realized the work visa logistics would be too much? Had they decided they didn't want to get rid of any of their current teachers, so I no longer had any chance there?
And so today I decided I couldn't wait any longer. I got up early and showered and went to school in my most teacher-like outfit. I looked for her in her office all day, but it wasn't until the last ten minutes of the day that I found her.
I asked if she'd had an opportunity to talk to the director at all yet and she smiled warmly and said not yet - with all the excitement of the Seniors graduating next week, there simply hadn't been ample time to bring it up and go over the details with him. She assured me that later next week she'd talk to him, and she imagined everything would go perfectly and they'd be giving me an official call after that to discuss my contract.
I was way relieved and happy to hear it, and so I asked her what grades shed been considering for me.
And then the bomb into my perfect little image of Chelsea's Life 2013-2014 dropped:
"I was thinking you would be perfect to put in preschool and kindergarten!"
What.
The.
Fuck.
???
I've spent the past year getting to know all of the students and teachers of 1st-12th grades... the past year studying for my Master's degree in bilingual education for children old enough not to poop their pants in class... And this is where you want to put me??? With all my motivating abilities and my creativity and personality... You want to stick me with children that aren't old enough to think for themselves???
Just... no.
>_<
That is like taking me to a cupcake shop and then buying me a vegan, sugar-free cookie.
You have got to be joking me.
I was so in shock that I couldn't even really come up with a response. The news was almost worse than had she simply said they'd talked about it and it wouldn't work out. At least then they would have recognized my potential and abilities. But this? This was almost insulting. Take every talent I have as a teacher and every love I have for it and throw that shit right out the window with a huge smile boasting Isn't this a great idea!?"
No! >_<
It's like taking me to a dance competition and then sticking me in flamenco. I can tango, I can bachata, I can salsa, I can forró, I can Lindy, I can West Coast, I can chacha, I can nightclub, I can two step, I can even quickstep if you're a really good lead... But I have NO experience with flamenco... I want NOTHING to do with flamenco... And, actually, it is the ONLY dance I've EVER borderline hated in my whole life!!!!!!!
After my five minutes of freaking out, I just looked up and furrowed my eyebrows and whispered to Conor, "Where the hell did that curve ball come from and what the hell is this all about? You have some grand plan here, because right now this makes NO sense."
I remember I felt this way when I found out that I wouldn't be able to get my student visa in time for the Master's program the other year, after so much excitement and expectation. I couldn't understand WHY the Universe would appetize me like that and then yank it away from me just as I was about to get my perfect life. I authentically did NOT understand. It just felt so unfair.
Of course, had it not happened like that, I wouldn't have gotten to live in Portland with J, I wouldn't have been placed in CISTA, and... when I think about it... the entire rest of my life would have turned out completely and utterly different, really. So, while in that moment if may have felt like that, in the long run I have no doubt that was ENTIRELY planned out like that. Had the Universe not enticed me with that opportunity at that time, in that way, with L by my side... I never would have come back to do it. I had to get that excited about it to tear myself away from J and go do my own thing.
But this?
It is way too early to see what the cosmic purpose of THIS will turn out to be. I'm really, really hoping it is nothing but a sarcastic little joke due to my negative energies I've had with freaking out about whether they'd changed their mind since first offering it to me...
After talking to Patty tonight, she says I can always tell the director when he himself offers me the position that I would really be happier and more suited and successful with older kids, as long as I say it with gratitude and a smile on my face. And perhaps this will make them realize how ridiculous and silly the idea was and things will get sorted out. But she also stressed that getting into a school like that is a big feat and once I'm in, I would open up a lot more opportunities potentially... Even if the little kids weren't my thing. She said patience and gratitude is key with things like that in Spain. She also said how she and her sister both work with that age of children and they both absolutely love it... So maybe I'm judging it too harshly?
It was really, really nice to have someone like to her talk about it to. She's a very sweet person herself, plus she's Spanish and better understands these sorts of matters from a cultural perspective! <3
In fact, our whole "class" tonight was just us chatting... Her telling me about her trip to New York City, telling me about her boyfriends, and me telling her about my job offer. We giggle so much and have such a good time. Other than Abby, I honestly have the best time with her out of everybody here and just adore her.
And so when she forgot to pay me tonight, I didn't say anything. All we did was hang out like good friends... I taught her as much English as she taught me Spanish... And it just felt wrong to be paid for having such a good time after a rough start to the week. When she dropped me off she realized she'd forgotten to pay me and all was cleared up... But it brought me to this issue that's been threatening to come to the surface for awhile now...
I'm starting to become friends with my students... And I have no idea how to handle that??? Are the rules? Can you hang out with students? Is there a point where people agree not to pay anymore and be friends? I have no idea!!! And that's not even the worst part...
Patty is in her late 20s and so there is no real problem if somehow we do become normal friends after some time... But what about my kids at school I adore so much? If I really do get sequestered to dirty diaper land (and I agree to it), when will I ever see my adorable favorite students I've come to seriously ADORE??? I don't want to be around babies who don't understand my jokes and appreciate my creativity and awesomeness!!! RAWR.
This is maybe ridiculous (no, it IS ridiculous), but part of me thinks that if I can't work with the older kids, I rather just turn down the job offer and take the job with the government program in Madrid being an assistant with no power, but good money and easy hours... All so I could hang out with my favorite Bachis without there being any professional conflict of interest. They're seriously so much more interesting than pretty much anybody else I've met in this entire country! They are always do such interesting things, while my " mature" friends my age are sequestered in their rooms "studying" and watching movies under the covers. Ugh. Dull. I wanna go to go dancing in dubstep clubs, go horseback riding, learn to longboard... and generally ENJOY life as it was meant to be enjoyed.
Man, older people really just don't understand so many things. It's ironic, cause when I was Bachis' ages, I thought people my age were totally stupid and didn't get the point of life... But now I'm starting to think they get it a little better than the average person my age. >_< They aren't completely jaded yet. They aren't fooled by this ridiculous societal pressure to be "responsible" and crap. They're just trying to figure out who they are... And I respect that so much more than these other people who are just faking who they are, because, truth be told, they still have no effing idea.
My God, when did I become so on young people's side?!?!
Anyway... Back to this job offer stuff. I honestly have no idea what will happen. If preschool is the only thing offered to me at this school, I don't know if I'll just say no and walk away, or if I'll try it out and see if maybe the Universe is trying to push me in this direction for a reason.
And, see?!? THAT is the big Catch-22 that is making my brain feel like it's gonna explode!!! Do I say, "The Universe is doing this for a reason, so I should shut up and try to wait and see the wisdom in this unexpected turn." OR do I say, "Eff this! If I'm not going to be recognized for my talents, I have no reason to waste a year here that I could spend doing a quarter of the work and still being paid decently. If the train isn't stopping at my station, it's not my train... And that's completely fine. Something better is out there for me."
?!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!
Yep. Is Conor trying to tell me to move on, or to stay and wait? Jeeze, dude. Could you BE a little more cryptic?!
Clearly I need a spa day to destress and recenter myself (seriously). This will be happening in a week and a half. I will tell Abby the good news tomorrow. ;-P I know that whatever happens is what is for my highest good and happiness... So, if it's not so much the outcome I'm worried about, why am I freaking out so much? Maybe that's the lesson I need to really work on, here...?
In other news, an adorable thing happened today: When I went to get on the train to go to Madrid, a teacher and a Bachi boy were at the station, too! We all sat together and talked for 15 minutes until Bachi's stop. At first, you could tell he was kinda nervous to actually have to speak English outside of class with me, yet he did it without any problem. But the best part was when he and the teacher began talking about something in Spanish and I joined the conversation and gave my opinion, too... In Spanish.
Holy. Crap. The look on that boy's face was PRICELESS. He stared at me as if I were a superhero and be had just discovered my super secret Spanish superpowers.
Aaaaaand I felt like a BAMF! ;)
He complimented my abilities and then asked if I wanted to continue the conversation in Spanish or English. When I said, "Me da igual" I felt way proud that I'd been asked such a question. It's hard to explain to somebody who speaks just one language... But there is a certain "I recognize your polyglot abilities and I respect them" intrinsic in being asked which language you prefer to speak in... And then being able to answer that you really don't care which one.
Point #36,098,347 for the Bachis. ;)
XOXO
It was three weeks ago that I was tentatively offered a job at my school. My blissed out excitement began to turn to worry as the days passed and the head mistress would pass me in the halls with a smile, but with no invitation to her office again to further discuss the details. Had the director not liked the idea of hiring me? Had they realized the work visa logistics would be too much? Had they decided they didn't want to get rid of any of their current teachers, so I no longer had any chance there?
And so today I decided I couldn't wait any longer. I got up early and showered and went to school in my most teacher-like outfit. I looked for her in her office all day, but it wasn't until the last ten minutes of the day that I found her.
I asked if she'd had an opportunity to talk to the director at all yet and she smiled warmly and said not yet - with all the excitement of the Seniors graduating next week, there simply hadn't been ample time to bring it up and go over the details with him. She assured me that later next week she'd talk to him, and she imagined everything would go perfectly and they'd be giving me an official call after that to discuss my contract.
I was way relieved and happy to hear it, and so I asked her what grades shed been considering for me.
And then the bomb into my perfect little image of Chelsea's Life 2013-2014 dropped:
"I was thinking you would be perfect to put in preschool and kindergarten!"
What.
The.
Fuck.
???
I've spent the past year getting to know all of the students and teachers of 1st-12th grades... the past year studying for my Master's degree in bilingual education for children old enough not to poop their pants in class... And this is where you want to put me??? With all my motivating abilities and my creativity and personality... You want to stick me with children that aren't old enough to think for themselves???
Just... no.
>_<
That is like taking me to a cupcake shop and then buying me a vegan, sugar-free cookie.
You have got to be joking me.
I was so in shock that I couldn't even really come up with a response. The news was almost worse than had she simply said they'd talked about it and it wouldn't work out. At least then they would have recognized my potential and abilities. But this? This was almost insulting. Take every talent I have as a teacher and every love I have for it and throw that shit right out the window with a huge smile boasting Isn't this a great idea!?"
No! >_<
It's like taking me to a dance competition and then sticking me in flamenco. I can tango, I can bachata, I can salsa, I can forró, I can Lindy, I can West Coast, I can chacha, I can nightclub, I can two step, I can even quickstep if you're a really good lead... But I have NO experience with flamenco... I want NOTHING to do with flamenco... And, actually, it is the ONLY dance I've EVER borderline hated in my whole life!!!!!!!
After my five minutes of freaking out, I just looked up and furrowed my eyebrows and whispered to Conor, "Where the hell did that curve ball come from and what the hell is this all about? You have some grand plan here, because right now this makes NO sense."
I remember I felt this way when I found out that I wouldn't be able to get my student visa in time for the Master's program the other year, after so much excitement and expectation. I couldn't understand WHY the Universe would appetize me like that and then yank it away from me just as I was about to get my perfect life. I authentically did NOT understand. It just felt so unfair.
Of course, had it not happened like that, I wouldn't have gotten to live in Portland with J, I wouldn't have been placed in CISTA, and... when I think about it... the entire rest of my life would have turned out completely and utterly different, really. So, while in that moment if may have felt like that, in the long run I have no doubt that was ENTIRELY planned out like that. Had the Universe not enticed me with that opportunity at that time, in that way, with L by my side... I never would have come back to do it. I had to get that excited about it to tear myself away from J and go do my own thing.
But this?
It is way too early to see what the cosmic purpose of THIS will turn out to be. I'm really, really hoping it is nothing but a sarcastic little joke due to my negative energies I've had with freaking out about whether they'd changed their mind since first offering it to me...
After talking to Patty tonight, she says I can always tell the director when he himself offers me the position that I would really be happier and more suited and successful with older kids, as long as I say it with gratitude and a smile on my face. And perhaps this will make them realize how ridiculous and silly the idea was and things will get sorted out. But she also stressed that getting into a school like that is a big feat and once I'm in, I would open up a lot more opportunities potentially... Even if the little kids weren't my thing. She said patience and gratitude is key with things like that in Spain. She also said how she and her sister both work with that age of children and they both absolutely love it... So maybe I'm judging it too harshly?
It was really, really nice to have someone like to her talk about it to. She's a very sweet person herself, plus she's Spanish and better understands these sorts of matters from a cultural perspective! <3
In fact, our whole "class" tonight was just us chatting... Her telling me about her trip to New York City, telling me about her boyfriends, and me telling her about my job offer. We giggle so much and have such a good time. Other than Abby, I honestly have the best time with her out of everybody here and just adore her.
And so when she forgot to pay me tonight, I didn't say anything. All we did was hang out like good friends... I taught her as much English as she taught me Spanish... And it just felt wrong to be paid for having such a good time after a rough start to the week. When she dropped me off she realized she'd forgotten to pay me and all was cleared up... But it brought me to this issue that's been threatening to come to the surface for awhile now...
I'm starting to become friends with my students... And I have no idea how to handle that??? Are the rules? Can you hang out with students? Is there a point where people agree not to pay anymore and be friends? I have no idea!!! And that's not even the worst part...
Patty is in her late 20s and so there is no real problem if somehow we do become normal friends after some time... But what about my kids at school I adore so much? If I really do get sequestered to dirty diaper land (and I agree to it), when will I ever see my adorable favorite students I've come to seriously ADORE??? I don't want to be around babies who don't understand my jokes and appreciate my creativity and awesomeness!!! RAWR.
This is maybe ridiculous (no, it IS ridiculous), but part of me thinks that if I can't work with the older kids, I rather just turn down the job offer and take the job with the government program in Madrid being an assistant with no power, but good money and easy hours... All so I could hang out with my favorite Bachis without there being any professional conflict of interest. They're seriously so much more interesting than pretty much anybody else I've met in this entire country! They are always do such interesting things, while my " mature" friends my age are sequestered in their rooms "studying" and watching movies under the covers. Ugh. Dull. I wanna go to go dancing in dubstep clubs, go horseback riding, learn to longboard... and generally ENJOY life as it was meant to be enjoyed.
Man, older people really just don't understand so many things. It's ironic, cause when I was Bachis' ages, I thought people my age were totally stupid and didn't get the point of life... But now I'm starting to think they get it a little better than the average person my age. >_< They aren't completely jaded yet. They aren't fooled by this ridiculous societal pressure to be "responsible" and crap. They're just trying to figure out who they are... And I respect that so much more than these other people who are just faking who they are, because, truth be told, they still have no effing idea.
My God, when did I become so on young people's side?!?!
Anyway... Back to this job offer stuff. I honestly have no idea what will happen. If preschool is the only thing offered to me at this school, I don't know if I'll just say no and walk away, or if I'll try it out and see if maybe the Universe is trying to push me in this direction for a reason.
And, see?!? THAT is the big Catch-22 that is making my brain feel like it's gonna explode!!! Do I say, "The Universe is doing this for a reason, so I should shut up and try to wait and see the wisdom in this unexpected turn." OR do I say, "Eff this! If I'm not going to be recognized for my talents, I have no reason to waste a year here that I could spend doing a quarter of the work and still being paid decently. If the train isn't stopping at my station, it's not my train... And that's completely fine. Something better is out there for me."
?!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!
Yep. Is Conor trying to tell me to move on, or to stay and wait? Jeeze, dude. Could you BE a little more cryptic?!
Clearly I need a spa day to destress and recenter myself (seriously). This will be happening in a week and a half. I will tell Abby the good news tomorrow. ;-P I know that whatever happens is what is for my highest good and happiness... So, if it's not so much the outcome I'm worried about, why am I freaking out so much? Maybe that's the lesson I need to really work on, here...?
In other news, an adorable thing happened today: When I went to get on the train to go to Madrid, a teacher and a Bachi boy were at the station, too! We all sat together and talked for 15 minutes until Bachi's stop. At first, you could tell he was kinda nervous to actually have to speak English outside of class with me, yet he did it without any problem. But the best part was when he and the teacher began talking about something in Spanish and I joined the conversation and gave my opinion, too... In Spanish.
Holy. Crap. The look on that boy's face was PRICELESS. He stared at me as if I were a superhero and be had just discovered my super secret Spanish superpowers.
Aaaaaand I felt like a BAMF! ;)
He complimented my abilities and then asked if I wanted to continue the conversation in Spanish or English. When I said, "Me da igual" I felt way proud that I'd been asked such a question. It's hard to explain to somebody who speaks just one language... But there is a certain "I recognize your polyglot abilities and I respect them" intrinsic in being asked which language you prefer to speak in... And then being able to answer that you really don't care which one.
Point #36,098,347 for the Bachis. ;)
XOXO
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