Today was the final rehearsal for the West Side Story/Festival! Spending this last week working on this with Laura and the kids has been the best possible way I could have wrapped up my time here at this school after such a wonderful experience. ^_^ Rehearsals have been so much fun and it's been cool to feel like I'm partly in charge of a big production for them and their families.
XOXO
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Day 293: Persoective.
My students love me. They see me for who I am. I show them love and sanguinity like no one else ever has. I've never felt so confident in just being me before. <3 They appreciate me specifically because I'm not like anybody else. And it's all completely mutual.
It's so much easier to see this when I'm not surrounded by my roommates who, just like many people in my past, have made me feel the exact opposite. I need to stop thinking this is the norm and stop surrounding myself with people who make me feel like shit for being different.
What is it? A snake eating an elephant. :)
It's so much easier to see this when I'm not surrounded by my roommates who, just like many people in my past, have made me feel the exact opposite. I need to stop thinking this is the norm and stop surrounding myself with people who make me feel like shit for being different.
What is it? A snake eating an elephant. :)
Day 292: #angstoff
Reading my Bachis' tweets this first week has been so much fun! I have never gotten a chance to get to know them outside of the classroom, so seeing who they are outside of their uniforms is really intriguing. In class they always seem so happy and giddy, so the paramount observation I've made this week about them in the Twittersphere has come as a bit of a surprise... Kfter a week of reading their tweets, I've come to realize that 90% of the tweets are complaints. Complaints about love, about school, about parents, about themselves, etc. It shouldn't really have come as a surprise I suppose, as they are teenagers and teenagers have a certain amount of angst they must get through before they can get where they're going next... But what did really come as a surprise was how, after seeing their amount of complaining from an outside perspective, it started making me aware of how much I myself complain on a daily basis! >_< They're 16. They have an excuse. I'm 24. What's my excuse??
Clearly I need to shift my attention... So let's change things up and do a little gratitude:
Today I am grateful for...
1) Having the weekend all to myself. At first this made me nervous that I was going to feel lonely or depressed... But I forgot that was the old me. Hanging out in my favorite PJs listening to music and eating yummy food. Dancing around my room and stopping to write. Being at blissful peace with myself and adoring my own company. <3
2) The Of Monsters & Men concert on Monday! Hearing their music live and watching their adorable, authentic smiles while they sang their songs made me feel so optimistic and refreshed. Concerts have a way of sucking you in and out of your current story... They transcend life for a moment, and suddenly you are privy to one of those rare glimpses of the bigger picture. <3
3) Living in Spain and being surrounded by students who adore me for who I am.
Clearly I need to shift my attention... So let's change things up and do a little gratitude:
Today I am grateful for...
1) Having the weekend all to myself. At first this made me nervous that I was going to feel lonely or depressed... But I forgot that was the old me. Hanging out in my favorite PJs listening to music and eating yummy food. Dancing around my room and stopping to write. Being at blissful peace with myself and adoring my own company. <3
2) The Of Monsters & Men concert on Monday! Hearing their music live and watching their adorable, authentic smiles while they sang their songs made me feel so optimistic and refreshed. Concerts have a way of sucking you in and out of your current story... They transcend life for a moment, and suddenly you are privy to one of those rare glimpses of the bigger picture. <3
3) Living in Spain and being surrounded by students who adore me for who I am.
Day 291: Job Offer Revoked
During our lunch break from our nonstop rehearsing, I got the text message: my job offer to stay at CISTA for both the summer camp and for next year had been officially revoked. Deep down, I knew that was exactly what I wanted, but in the moment I couldn't help but become enraged. In general, horrible management is awful enough, but when it's management of a school that affects young little lives... Ugggggghhhhhhh I just want to SCREAM. How DARE this school not want me for next year. I had done a FABULOUS job this year: all of the kids had fallen in love with me and had learned a ton. Not to mention I'm one of two natives in the whole school who prides itself on it's bilingual English program! Ugh. How stupid do these people have to be to not BEG me to stay?!? Oooooooh I was SO angry.
But after taking twenty minutes to just fume about it by hiding in one of those corners of the school that I wouldn't be discovered in, I realized that this was the best that could have happened. Why should I want to work for a school that would do something like this?!? I shouldn't! And, anyway, I had no desire to work with kindergarteners. I was freed from having to feel like I had to walk on eggshells with people I didn't even respect, and I was freed from fearing this opportunity could turn into me getting "stuck" in an adult job.
By the late afternoon, my anger had turned into more of a sense of "Menos mal!" ;)
After school I had an interview for a summer camp (the timing couldn't have been any better!) with a really sweet guy who told me switching to a public school from a private school would be like a blissful dream and that I would be much happier from now on. :)
XOXO
But after taking twenty minutes to just fume about it by hiding in one of those corners of the school that I wouldn't be discovered in, I realized that this was the best that could have happened. Why should I want to work for a school that would do something like this?!? I shouldn't! And, anyway, I had no desire to work with kindergarteners. I was freed from having to feel like I had to walk on eggshells with people I didn't even respect, and I was freed from fearing this opportunity could turn into me getting "stuck" in an adult job.
By the late afternoon, my anger had turned into more of a sense of "Menos mal!" ;)
After school I had an interview for a summer camp (the timing couldn't have been any better!) with a really sweet guy who told me switching to a public school from a private school would be like a blissful dream and that I would be much happier from now on. :)
XOXO
Day 290: West Side Story & Roller Skating
And then Laura was put in charge of the school play and she asked me to be her co-director!! ^_^ Awesome!!! We got to go rehearse with all of the kids and block all of the scenes and try to teach these poor people how to ACT instead of just regurgitate the script from memory. I mean, okay... I give them some credit, considering the whole play is in their second language. But jeeze Louise, people! Needless to say, I had a GREAT time practicing with them! Tee hee... All of those years of taking acting classes as a child finally paid off and I was crazily doing each of their parts to try to show them how looking like a crazy person and going over the top was actually finally a GOOD THING, rather than something that would get all of their teachings slamming books on the blackboard and yelling at them for. :) Haha.
The coolest part of the day was deciding that we should get some of the first graders in one of the scenes that has school children fighting. I got to pick my favorite first graders and teach them their lines and what to do in the scene. As it turned out, they were way better at it all than the older students and had the lines memorized in five minutes and loved getting to shout and run around on cue. Haha! So cute!
After a day of rehearsal, I had my last "class" with Mr. Nacho Man. His dad picked us up and we went out for ice cream and roller skating! ^_^ Awesome! While he roller skated around the plaza, his dad and I had a Fanta and just talked. When Nacho would skate by he'd talk to his dad in Spnish and then to me in English. The sheer impressiveness of that could never, ever get old. Damn. Especially considering how our first few classes he sat there, sometimes crying, but always silent. I remember that first class in which we played Smurf Parchezi and he did magic tricks for me... All without saying a SINGLE WORD. The next few weeks were spent drawing, during which I'd talk to him but he'd only shake his head yes or no. And then the breaking point, where he tried to baracade me in the kitchen using all of his stuffed animals, and when I started throwing them back, yelling the animal's name, he started giggling and throwing them back at me, also using their names... In English, too! And that was the moment we became friends. ^_^
But to realize that was only eight months ago and that today he had absolutely no problem communicating with me in English about whatever it was he wanted to say... It's just ridiculously incredible. Coolest 7 year old ever. <3
XOXO
The coolest part of the day was deciding that we should get some of the first graders in one of the scenes that has school children fighting. I got to pick my favorite first graders and teach them their lines and what to do in the scene. As it turned out, they were way better at it all than the older students and had the lines memorized in five minutes and loved getting to shout and run around on cue. Haha! So cute!
After a day of rehearsal, I had my last "class" with Mr. Nacho Man. His dad picked us up and we went out for ice cream and roller skating! ^_^ Awesome! While he roller skated around the plaza, his dad and I had a Fanta and just talked. When Nacho would skate by he'd talk to his dad in Spnish and then to me in English. The sheer impressiveness of that could never, ever get old. Damn. Especially considering how our first few classes he sat there, sometimes crying, but always silent. I remember that first class in which we played Smurf Parchezi and he did magic tricks for me... All without saying a SINGLE WORD. The next few weeks were spent drawing, during which I'd talk to him but he'd only shake his head yes or no. And then the breaking point, where he tried to baracade me in the kitchen using all of his stuffed animals, and when I started throwing them back, yelling the animal's name, he started giggling and throwing them back at me, also using their names... In English, too! And that was the moment we became friends. ^_^
But to realize that was only eight months ago and that today he had absolutely no problem communicating with me in English about whatever it was he wanted to say... It's just ridiculously incredible. Coolest 7 year old ever. <3
XOXO
Day 289: A Small Reflection
A few Wednesday thoughts...
Sometimes I forget I have five tattoos. I never strike myself as cool enough to have five tattoos. But I know that's how my students see me.
I'm older now than Conor was when he was murdered. That's really weird to think about.
The more angsty teenage tweets I read, the more I realize that I still complain more than is rational. Being a teenage girl and complaining about everything is one thing, being a 24 year old independent young woman and complaining is a completely different thing. Maybe I should work on that. Complaining is such a waste of potential energy. I know better than this.
I never realized how well I can relate and understand people younger than me until this year. It makes me think maybe I should have chosen a different career path? What if I could be the next Martin for some awesome kid or teenager that just needs to truly be listened to?
I hope that I honestly made a different in the lives and futures of some of the students who I've had this year who I can tell are really different and just get it... What if I didn't make them feel as special about being that way as I should have? What if I could have done more? I didn't want to ever come across as an authority figure, so I never told them how much I respected some of them... Instead, I tried to show it through how I treated them and spoke to them. I hope that was enough. I hope they can feel how much I adore them.
On the same note, so many of them have made me see myself in a whole different life than ever before. I no longer see what makes me so different as a negative, but as an incredible positive full of potential to help others and see things from a unique, creative perspective. I hope this epiphany sticks with me. I hope I don't go back to feeling like I'm so different that I'm not good enough for other people. My students have made me feel for the first time in my life that it's really just the opposite.
It's really hard to be this different. I don't think other people understand how lonely it can be. Many of the teachers treat me like I'm an alien and make fun of me in very slight ways. My roomies don't include me in anything and our only communication is them just backhandedly complain about me not washing my pans. And it's not like I want to be close to any of them - they're all so corrupted by the standard quo and it's repulsive in many respects to me - but I wish I didn't feel like a freak for not being like everybody else, and instead was celebrated for the bravery and confidence it takes to be this unique. It's not that they totally exclude me, it's that I want nothing to do with them... And that's a really uncomfortable feeling, too. Makes you wonder what's wrong with you.
Someday I'll figure that all out. Someday I will be surrounded by other different people who truly value that I'm not like the rest of the world. Someday. But until then, I'm so scared to have a whole summer without my students - the only ones who seems to get me and value me for being who I am.
I resent normal people. I resent that they can make me feel like there is something wrong with who I am because I'm not like them. They are the ones who should be ashamed. Not me. Not anymore.
I hope my students don't turn out to be normal people. I hope they stay like they are. I hope they don't let society mold them into another cookie cutter human being. But I'm sad knowing how hard it will be for them sometimes if they do succeed.
I don't want to let my students go, but I want a new life. I'm ready for a new chapter. I want to surround myself that people who see the uniqueness in me and respect it, not mock it.
XOXO
Sometimes I forget I have five tattoos. I never strike myself as cool enough to have five tattoos. But I know that's how my students see me.
I'm older now than Conor was when he was murdered. That's really weird to think about.
The more angsty teenage tweets I read, the more I realize that I still complain more than is rational. Being a teenage girl and complaining about everything is one thing, being a 24 year old independent young woman and complaining is a completely different thing. Maybe I should work on that. Complaining is such a waste of potential energy. I know better than this.
I never realized how well I can relate and understand people younger than me until this year. It makes me think maybe I should have chosen a different career path? What if I could be the next Martin for some awesome kid or teenager that just needs to truly be listened to?
I hope that I honestly made a different in the lives and futures of some of the students who I've had this year who I can tell are really different and just get it... What if I didn't make them feel as special about being that way as I should have? What if I could have done more? I didn't want to ever come across as an authority figure, so I never told them how much I respected some of them... Instead, I tried to show it through how I treated them and spoke to them. I hope that was enough. I hope they can feel how much I adore them.
On the same note, so many of them have made me see myself in a whole different life than ever before. I no longer see what makes me so different as a negative, but as an incredible positive full of potential to help others and see things from a unique, creative perspective. I hope this epiphany sticks with me. I hope I don't go back to feeling like I'm so different that I'm not good enough for other people. My students have made me feel for the first time in my life that it's really just the opposite.
It's really hard to be this different. I don't think other people understand how lonely it can be. Many of the teachers treat me like I'm an alien and make fun of me in very slight ways. My roomies don't include me in anything and our only communication is them just backhandedly complain about me not washing my pans. And it's not like I want to be close to any of them - they're all so corrupted by the standard quo and it's repulsive in many respects to me - but I wish I didn't feel like a freak for not being like everybody else, and instead was celebrated for the bravery and confidence it takes to be this unique. It's not that they totally exclude me, it's that I want nothing to do with them... And that's a really uncomfortable feeling, too. Makes you wonder what's wrong with you.
Someday I'll figure that all out. Someday I will be surrounded by other different people who truly value that I'm not like the rest of the world. Someday. But until then, I'm so scared to have a whole summer without my students - the only ones who seems to get me and value me for being who I am.
I resent normal people. I resent that they can make me feel like there is something wrong with who I am because I'm not like them. They are the ones who should be ashamed. Not me. Not anymore.
I hope my students don't turn out to be normal people. I hope they stay like they are. I hope they don't let society mold them into another cookie cutter human being. But I'm sad knowing how hard it will be for them sometimes if they do succeed.
I don't want to let my students go, but I want a new life. I'm ready for a new chapter. I want to surround myself that people who see the uniqueness in me and respect it, not mock it.
XOXO
Day 288: Last Class with 3rd Graders
Today was my last day with my third graders. :( :( :( While obviously no class could ever compare with my Bachis, this third grade class came in at a pretty close second. Alberto and Lucy and Lidia and Sophie!!! <3 <3 <3 I just ADORE these kids.
I had them fill out an evaluation of me, and every single kid gave me a 10 (well, a few gave me a million, and a few others infinity - teehee). They also made me adorable goodbye posters and gave me lots and lots of hugs. <3
These little guys have all managed to make me feel like somebody really special in a way nobody else ever has. Their big smiles and hugs and colorful notes to me and calling me "Taco Tuesday" and giggles... It's all just made me feel like a mini celebrity! Only, I adore them just as much back.
At the beginning of the year my goal was just to make all of my students feel comfortable speaking English and make them excited about it. Now that it's all said and done, I think I accidentally accomplished WAY more than just that. These kids don't just see me as a random adult from a country that is really far away who speaks a different language natively than them. No... Not at all.
They see me as their dear friend who they want to share their cookies with that their mom packed for them for a special snack... As their dear friend they practiced a Taylor Swift song and made up a dance to just to awe me... As their dear friend who they ask to please wear pretty colors on Tuesday because they like my bright clothes. ^_^
My initial exigency at the start of this whole adventure was based in giving back. L had had a native English speaker when she was younger who she had really adored and who had inspired her in part to become completely fluent in the language. Perhaps had she never had anybody like this, I would have never had the opportunity to meet her and then... well... my life would look NOTHING like it does now. I would have never heard of this program. I would have never returned to Spain. Everything would be different... And I quite adore the way my life is in this moment!
And so, I set out on this journey hoping that I could be that girl to just one of my students, in order to... I don't know... thank the Universe in some way, I suppose, and pay it forward.
But after all the hugs and drawings and notes and giggles and tears today -- just from 23 of the 250 students I have! -- I'm beginning to see that I way surpassed my original goal.
I remember all of my teachers fairly well starting from preschool on. Some of them I really liked and some of them not so much. But even the ones I adored I never cried when I left their class. I never made them fanciful multicolored notes of devotion with little cupcakes and giraffes drawn on them. I never did a song and dance to their favorite artist just to make them happy. I only gave very few nicknames, and even when I did, never called them it to their face! ;)
I know there's no real way to tell, but if today was any indication, I think I may have just positively influenced these little people in a way that will stick with them long into the future. <3 I know they certainly have had this affect on me, at least!
Before this year, I used to see teaching as a rather lowly profession - one for people who couldn't live in the "real world." Certainly there were the remarkable few who were beyond amazing... But many just seemed stuck in the whole education system that they just didn't know how to get out. I still feel this way to a degree. I still want one day to have a job "in the real world," but for now I really love this teaching thing. What other job gives you the possibly of supporting and adoring burgeoning minds and spirits? What other job makes you feel like the most loved celebrity on the whole planet (without all the drama of being an actual celebrity)?
I will never be certain how much I was able to positively influence these little people past just the time I had with them, but I am certain that their love and respect for me will stick with me for a very, very long time. <3
XOXO
I had them fill out an evaluation of me, and every single kid gave me a 10 (well, a few gave me a million, and a few others infinity - teehee). They also made me adorable goodbye posters and gave me lots and lots of hugs. <3
These little guys have all managed to make me feel like somebody really special in a way nobody else ever has. Their big smiles and hugs and colorful notes to me and calling me "Taco Tuesday" and giggles... It's all just made me feel like a mini celebrity! Only, I adore them just as much back.
At the beginning of the year my goal was just to make all of my students feel comfortable speaking English and make them excited about it. Now that it's all said and done, I think I accidentally accomplished WAY more than just that. These kids don't just see me as a random adult from a country that is really far away who speaks a different language natively than them. No... Not at all.
They see me as their dear friend who they want to share their cookies with that their mom packed for them for a special snack... As their dear friend they practiced a Taylor Swift song and made up a dance to just to awe me... As their dear friend who they ask to please wear pretty colors on Tuesday because they like my bright clothes. ^_^
My initial exigency at the start of this whole adventure was based in giving back. L had had a native English speaker when she was younger who she had really adored and who had inspired her in part to become completely fluent in the language. Perhaps had she never had anybody like this, I would have never had the opportunity to meet her and then... well... my life would look NOTHING like it does now. I would have never heard of this program. I would have never returned to Spain. Everything would be different... And I quite adore the way my life is in this moment!
And so, I set out on this journey hoping that I could be that girl to just one of my students, in order to... I don't know... thank the Universe in some way, I suppose, and pay it forward.
But after all the hugs and drawings and notes and giggles and tears today -- just from 23 of the 250 students I have! -- I'm beginning to see that I way surpassed my original goal.
I remember all of my teachers fairly well starting from preschool on. Some of them I really liked and some of them not so much. But even the ones I adored I never cried when I left their class. I never made them fanciful multicolored notes of devotion with little cupcakes and giraffes drawn on them. I never did a song and dance to their favorite artist just to make them happy. I only gave very few nicknames, and even when I did, never called them it to their face! ;)
I know there's no real way to tell, but if today was any indication, I think I may have just positively influenced these little people in a way that will stick with them long into the future. <3 I know they certainly have had this affect on me, at least!
Before this year, I used to see teaching as a rather lowly profession - one for people who couldn't live in the "real world." Certainly there were the remarkable few who were beyond amazing... But many just seemed stuck in the whole education system that they just didn't know how to get out. I still feel this way to a degree. I still want one day to have a job "in the real world," but for now I really love this teaching thing. What other job gives you the possibly of supporting and adoring burgeoning minds and spirits? What other job makes you feel like the most loved celebrity on the whole planet (without all the drama of being an actual celebrity)?
I will never be certain how much I was able to positively influence these little people past just the time I had with them, but I am certain that their love and respect for me will stick with me for a very, very long time. <3
XOXO
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Day 287: Bye Bye Bachi Party
This morning was the day Pineapple and I had been dreading for months... Our last Bachi class together. :( I had stayed up til two in the morning making them their paper plate awards and strawberry shortcake, so by the time I got to school, I was still pretty darn sleepy. I was doubly disoriented by the fact they weren't in their classroom, but in a different classroom upstairs. Maybe it was because it was a different room, maybe it was because it wasn't an official class, or maybe it was because I walked in too early... But I wasn't greeted one last time by all of them suddenly pushing back their chairs and standing to greet me with adorable little smiles on their faces and a cute little mumble of "Good morning, Chelsea!"
:-/
I still vividly remember that first hour on my first day at CISTA, walking into that room of Very Tall 11th graders, myself nervous as could be, and having them all suddenly jump up and greet me with expressions of wariness on their faces. I was completely freaked out by it, as I had never witnessed something like that before... And especially not something so formal done on my account! And the worst part was, I didn't know the magic words to make them sit back down...!!! I just kinda smiled sheepishly and said and awkward, "Um, hey..." and waited for the teacher to come in behind me and do something about these standing statues in front of me, eyeing me up and down.
As the year wore on, though, this little ritual became one of my most favorite moments each week. It was just so sweet and made me feel so ritzy titzy every time! And to have my favorite class of students i considered more like friends than people obviously below me made it all that much more amusing! True, I never really learned what the secret word was to make them sit back down... But eventually they knew my giggle meant, "Okay, I'm starting to feel awkward here... Please put your tushes back in your chairs." Now that I think about it, though... It wasn't just the respectful act of standing. That had obviously been drilled into them for years and they have to do it... No, the part that got me was Pineapple's look of authentic happiness and excitement each time, another's sheepish grin that always ended up in a knowing chuckle when I'd make one of my silly faces at him, another's professional demeanor he always had which quickly faded as soon as he sat down and began to talk about his weekend.
Man, if I'd only known that first day that this class would turn out to have some of the most awesome teenagers in it! I miss our classes together typing this... And I can't help but wonder if I'll ever have any student who even comes close to being as awesome as Pineapple or Favorite... or, for that matter, Fabulous or Picasso or Nacho or Lucille Ball or any of them. <3 Aww...
Anyway, the mini party was cute and my favorite part was when I gave each one a "lucky penny" and they all took it so seriously!!! So cute!!! All week long they'd take it out of their pocket right before and exam to show me they had it, or wrote about it on Twitter! Shows you how something that literally costs one cent can carry so much value. <3
At the end of class neither Pineapple nor I cried... Mostly because I knew I would see her and the rest soon. But knowing that it would be our last time together in that capacity made my heart quiver for just a moment.
There were a lot of things I loved about my experience at CISTA, but they were definitely the best part. Knowing every Monday morning I'd get to hang out with them for an hour always made getting up that first day of the school week so much easier.
I know I've said this a million times, but man do I love my Bachis. <3
XOXO
:-/
I still vividly remember that first hour on my first day at CISTA, walking into that room of Very Tall 11th graders, myself nervous as could be, and having them all suddenly jump up and greet me with expressions of wariness on their faces. I was completely freaked out by it, as I had never witnessed something like that before... And especially not something so formal done on my account! And the worst part was, I didn't know the magic words to make them sit back down...!!! I just kinda smiled sheepishly and said and awkward, "Um, hey..." and waited for the teacher to come in behind me and do something about these standing statues in front of me, eyeing me up and down.
As the year wore on, though, this little ritual became one of my most favorite moments each week. It was just so sweet and made me feel so ritzy titzy every time! And to have my favorite class of students i considered more like friends than people obviously below me made it all that much more amusing! True, I never really learned what the secret word was to make them sit back down... But eventually they knew my giggle meant, "Okay, I'm starting to feel awkward here... Please put your tushes back in your chairs." Now that I think about it, though... It wasn't just the respectful act of standing. That had obviously been drilled into them for years and they have to do it... No, the part that got me was Pineapple's look of authentic happiness and excitement each time, another's sheepish grin that always ended up in a knowing chuckle when I'd make one of my silly faces at him, another's professional demeanor he always had which quickly faded as soon as he sat down and began to talk about his weekend.
Man, if I'd only known that first day that this class would turn out to have some of the most awesome teenagers in it! I miss our classes together typing this... And I can't help but wonder if I'll ever have any student who even comes close to being as awesome as Pineapple or Favorite... or, for that matter, Fabulous or Picasso or Nacho or Lucille Ball or any of them. <3 Aww...
Anyway, the mini party was cute and my favorite part was when I gave each one a "lucky penny" and they all took it so seriously!!! So cute!!! All week long they'd take it out of their pocket right before and exam to show me they had it, or wrote about it on Twitter! Shows you how something that literally costs one cent can carry so much value. <3
At the end of class neither Pineapple nor I cried... Mostly because I knew I would see her and the rest soon. But knowing that it would be our last time together in that capacity made my heart quiver for just a moment.
There were a lot of things I loved about my experience at CISTA, but they were definitely the best part. Knowing every Monday morning I'd get to hang out with them for an hour always made getting up that first day of the school week so much easier.
I know I've said this a million times, but man do I love my Bachis. <3
XOXO
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